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Coming out to boyfriend as trans (33)

1 Name: Atia : 2010-11-14 16:09 ID:OcGMc2Sk

Hi dear people, I hope I can borrow some of your time.
I am in a rather difficult situation for some years. To be short I am a male to female transsexual and have lived as female full time since about 7 or 8 years.
While I am happy I have followed this path, it makes dating a bit hard. I am now currently in a relatioship with a very sweet boy and I have to tell him about my past soon. I do not wish to hurt him in any way, can you give me advice on how to go about this.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-14 16:56 ID:UmhDBEGo

Wow, that is a sitiation and a half.
I would first figure out if he is homophobic. I know it sounds silly but many men think they might be gay if they have feelings for a transwoman. This can give them a conflict and might make them violent.
Be confident when you tell him. You are the same woman he fell in love with. You have not changed a bit and he has to realize this.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-16 06:15 ID:8a+N8RO+

I'm sorry to say this, but when you tell him this it is going to hurt him and you (if you've invested enough emotion into the relationship).

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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-16 22:40 ID:YoaP6sfQ


>You are the same woman he fell in love with.
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5 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-17 01:10 ID:ILkBuv62

Uh Nuh.


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6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-17 05:24 ID:sauJVkXJ

My point of view is kind of skewed because I'm bisexual, but if I were your boyfriend I wouldn't be phased in the least.

7 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-17 20:42 ID:fBB7otRE


Someone's butthurt.

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8 Name: Atia : 2010-11-18 09:28 ID:OcGMc2Sk

Thank you for your replies kind people

I don't think this is the best way because just breaking up will hurt the both of us. It is cruel to leave someone in the dark without telling at least why. I want our relationship to progress and for this I feel he has to know about me. I want to give him the chance to learn about me.

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9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-19 04:14 ID:oC0vbLfT

hey wow, an actual interesting thread on this board. havent seen one of those in forever.

count me in as another guy who wouldnt be fazed much by it. although unlike the other poster im not bi, i consider myself straight as an arrow. if i thought you were hot enough that i didnt even realize you were trans, i would shrug my shoulders and roll with it. i realize im probably in a very small minority there though.

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10 Name: Atia : 2010-11-19 09:47 ID:OcGMc2Sk


Thanks, this gives me a bit of courage.

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11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-19 18:51 ID:Im6zmegg

I don't have anything to add, other than good luck and let us know how it goes. <3

Additionally, fuck off and die, >>4

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-20 23:20 ID:DKD3CZm4

This is fucking disgusting. I would never forgive my girlfriend if she turned out to be a dude. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with you? You should have told him this a long time ago.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-21 03:50 ID:oC0vbLfT

>>12 not exactly the easiest thing to throw out when a relationship has started. its not like transgender people walk around with it stamped on their foreheads. honestly, think about it for a second and you have to realize theres no good time for a transgender person to just come out with that when the other person is already attracted to them.

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14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-21 05:41 ID:DQax78P1


Oh, I don't know, could it be because trans people are still beaten to death for being trans, and they have to be very careful about who they tell unless they want to be killed, beaten up, raped, or harassed?

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15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-21 19:50 ID:AoxxxR3/

There's always going to be stupid people like this. It's better not to bother acknowledging their existence. Trying to change them is like trying to teach a pig to sing, you waste your time and annoy the pig.

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16 Name: Atia : 2010-11-21 22:31 ID:OcGMc2Sk

Thank you all for your support kind people.
If you wish to know, the reason I do not disclose myself upfront is because I am stealth. I do not wish people to know about my condition. Because when people know you are trans they often start acting differently around you.
Disclosing on the first date tends to attract chasers and scares away good and honest men. When I engage in a relationship with a man I want him to know me who I really am as a person so that when I disclose myself to him he is able to make a decision based on me and not on the negative stereotype provided by the media.

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17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-21 23:42 ID:DQax78P1


I'm so happy to hear that! Congratulations!

18 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-22 04:27 ID:oC0vbLfT

thats great OP, im really happy for you. i am just about one of the most cynical people you could ever meet, so frankly im utterly shocked that things worked out for you. its good to be wrong sometimes i suppose.

19 Name: :O : 2010-11-23 09:08 ID:Heaven

>>16 Your story gives me hope, i kept thinking this worls is a piece of junk, maybe not so anymore.

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-27 08:02 ID:1pcu9y39

you were always a man broseph ,deny as you might
never understood why you people want to take your sexual fetish and try to spin it into something its not
you guys are worse than furries

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21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-28 11:37 ID:Heaven

It's already over with.

Let this thread die already.

22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-28 16:16 ID:Heaven


really? i wasnt aware we had werewolf reassignment surgery these days. things worked out for her buddy, sorry that upsets you. im sure youll find another thread to take your insecurities to though.

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-29 18:19 ID:Heaven


Don't you know? Women are mythical creatures, like unicorns. They're based of a Chinese myth, which Europeans adopted to scare little children.

24 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-29 23:20 ID:4QvjLMTu

so what you are saying is what makes transexuality different and more legitimate than the otherkin is the fact that their exists a surgery for it?
what about a hundred years ago when the technology for such a procedure didn't exist?
or what if through the miracle of mad science "werewolf reassignment surgery" did in fact exist? would you still deny that it is on the same level? well thats just silly

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25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-30 00:59 ID:Heaven

>>24 this is bad trolling even for this board. ITT, homophobes are afraid their girlfriends were born with penises so they bring up straw man arguments.

26 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-30 01:07 ID:dwUphp3I

Superb straw man sir. You should just copy pasta that post right into the wiki entry for it.

27 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-11-30 01:41 ID:Heaven

28 Name: Atia : 2010-11-30 19:52 ID:eHZldNrp


Oh goddess, I won't let my goog mood get ruined by closeminded and loveless people like you. Even on 4 chan I encountered better forms of trolling.

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29 Name: Secret Admirer : 2010-12-02 02:44 ID:sauJVkXJ

>>16, 28
Bisexual guy here who posted earlier. I'm very happy for your situation and the acceptance your wonderful partner has shown! May you have many happy years to come!

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30 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-01-19 00:33 ID:wpJKSf2v

I just wanted to say that the majority of you posters really give me hope for the state of the world. The vocal minority show their pathetic ignorance and blind hate. I love your story, Atia, I'm so happy it turned out amazingly well - you sound like an absolute sweetheart and I wish you all the very best for your future.

31 Name: SS : 2011-01-27 02:37 ID:iZ3Jti/8

I teared up... Thank you for your courage, Atia. You're wonderful.

32 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-02-02 00:23 ID:qTYfyfTU

wow, your story made me shake due to flash of emotions, good luck with your relationship in the future!

33 Name: Secret Admirer : 2017-03-06 20:38 ID:P0l2cU8+

dicks out for Harambe