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[loneliness] perhaps maybe a new way to tell a tired old story (8)


1 Name: Taking Suggestions : 2011-01-20 23:12 ID:5qtyM6se

So, you are on a life raft in the middle of the ocean. You don't know which ocean, or why you're there in the first place. Come to think of it, you don't really know much of anything. You do know, though, that you like this raft. It just makes you feel contented. You don't know why it makes you feel this way. Over time, you come to think of this life raft as a 'home away from home'; not quite as good as the real thing, but still nice(although you can't remember having a real home or anything, but you get the idea). You have a passing thought of what it would be like to stand on firm, dry land...

Months pass, though it feels like mere hours. The weather has been great, the water always calm. But today, something is very different. You woke up to the sight of an uneven, raised horizon. You quickly surmise that the culprit behind your no-longer-perfect horizon is in fact, a distant land mass. You find yourself staring at it for hours. It gets larger, and you know that this means you're drifting closer. You feel a little comfort and anticipation for something new. You're so engrossed in this new possibility that you stare at it until it's too dark to see it anymore, and then you fall asleep.

The next morning, you wake up to the familiar sight of beautiful clear sunny skies, and a flat shimmering horizon. Instead of taking comfort from this familiar sight, you feel different; you feel disappointed because you had expected to wake up on solid ground, and you feel a sense of loss because you don't have anything on the horizon to look at anymore. You're a reasonable type of person, and you tell yourself that feeling bad about this experience won't help you.

"I didn't really lose anything. I've got no reason to feel sad. I still have this nice raft. Even if I had got onto land, what would I have done there? It wasn't very pretty to look at anyway. Actually, it could have just been a dream."

Months pass. You feel a bit older. You've forgotten all about that day, ages ago, when you saw a different future for yourself. But you saw that thing, again. You've seen this before. Now, you remember.

"This is it."

You observe it for a while, and soon your mind is clouded by doubt.

"What do I do? How do I get there? Maybe the ocean current will be kind to me. Can I paddle to shore? What if I jumped out of the raft and swam..."

Again, you stare at IT for the whole day, entirely preoccupied by thoughts of it. Night arrives, and you remember the disappointment you awoke to last time this happened, so you stayed awake to be vigilant. Soon it becomes too dark to see...

You wake up.

"Where is it?"

You aren't surprised when you can't see it. A few days pass and you find yourself having new thoughts.

"What am I here for? Why can't I get to it? Why do I want it? I wish I didn't want it..."
"...What does this all mean?"