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Not Accepted By My Girlfriend's Chinese Mother (27)

1 Name: Matt : 2011-04-26 01:36 ID:jaYKTaqP

I am a caucasian who has been dating a Chinese/Cantonese girl for about 6 months. The girl I have been dating came to the US when she was 7. She is has one older sister and one younger sister. We met in graduate school and connected instantly and started dating about a month after meeting. When we first started dating, she told me that if her mom did not accept me, our relationship would be over. However, she told me on numerous occasions that she thought her mom would accept her dating a caucasian.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-02 11:10 ID:9Qr9+c4m

asian parents are awful like that. I don't have much advice but don't be too selfish and smother her with all this, i'm sure she wants to be with you but keep in mind this is stressful for both you and her (especially her for having both sides to deal with). and good luck to you OP.

3 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-02 23:17 ID:jM8BMhOs

respect our culture and move on. when you marry a chinese girl you are not just marrying her, you are entering into a family. many families do accept whites, many others do not. i myself have a white aunt, shes a good person and im sure you are as well, but thats not always enough.

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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-03 09:52 ID:n3M7AFpF

Respect her culture.

White people are always faggots like that, expecting others to yield for them.

5 Name: Matt : 2011-05-05 04:10 ID:jaYKTaqP

Post #2: Thank you for your input, I never thought about it from her point of view because my feelings were so crushed. I definitely was being selfish and I can only imagine how difficult it must be for her.

Post #3: Thank you for your insider’s view as it was exactly what I needed to put everything into perspective. For me, the hardest part of this situation was not having anyone to turn to who could offer me insight. You were perfectly right how she is the one “good daughter” and she has always been the one who did not disappoint her mom.

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6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-05 22:48 ID:Heaven

while im not unsympathetic to your plight, in the grand scheme of things 6 months is a very short relationship. this is something youll get over eventually, even if you always think of her as the one that got away. its not an uncommon situation with regards to asians living in the US, asian females in particular. i do think the caged bird analogy is really overused in these sorts of situations. its exaggerated like the whole tiger mom nonsense. unless she has a fetish for non-asian guys, she'll find someone to be happy with.

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7 Name: Matt : 2011-05-09 04:18 ID:jaYKTaqP

Is it normal that she still wants to be friends with me? We just registered for 2 classes together over the summer. Today we spent 8 hours of studying together however we maybe did 3 hours of actually studying…the rest of the time we just talked. I would have spent all night with her if the coffee shop didn’t close for the night. We have finals this week and she wants to celebrate by clubbing with me and 2 other girls in our class that we are friends with. On top of that we are going to a Bulls playoff game next week…

8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-09 15:40 ID:ToC+nKck

sounds like shes having some inner conflict about letting go. shes human just like anybody else. honestly, things are probably getting complicated for her, because at this point the suitor is expected to walk away, not offer to continue to be her best friend and complicate her life.

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9 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-09 18:11 ID:DxtAj1pV

maybe, just maybe(since this is a huge decision) you can learn their language?

10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-09 20:40 ID:jM8BMhOs

>>9 as i previously mentioned i dont honestly believe that would help. the underlying problem is that he is white. he cant change that no matter what.

whats more important is that he probably couldnt learn canto even if he was inclined to. it simply isnt taught. if you want to learn mandarin theres tons of resources available, but ive never heard of canto being taught in any institution that wasnt explicitly aimed at chinese-american children (who already know how to speak it and are simply being taught more).

11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-10 03:04 ID:0hGY++PZ

Man, why are asians such racist assholes

At least with white people the kids have the balls to break out of that stupid shit.

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12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-10 21:39 ID:Heaven

>>11 ignorant nonsense. let's pretend white people are so accepting of interracial marriage. white people are the most racist people on the planet and always have been.

white kids don't have 'the balls' to do anything. they dont have a culture of their own and they simply dont respect the cultures of others. it doesnt take any courage to put yourself ahead of everyone else. thats the complete opposite of 'having balls'.

13 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-11 01:21 ID:Heaven


You rarely hear of a white person not marrying someone because mommy and daddy didn't approve, do you?

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14 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-11 01:59 ID:Heaven


You're full of shit and have no business giving advice in this thread. You clearly don't know anything about Chinese people or Asian people in general. That entire post is so blindly self-righteous it's depressing. This is why we hate you.

15 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-11 16:59 ID:ToC+nKck


thanks for single-handedly proving the point of all the asians posting in this thread. dont come back.

16 Name: Dye : 2011-05-11 17:36 ID:0EhZyZcU

well, from what i see, her mom is playing it "safe" for her family--- looking for a suitor from the same culture is a lot safer, since she knows the background and all that.

If you still want to keep going with this, you'll need to toughen up and take extra measures to show her mom that you wont disappoint her (hey asians are all about pride and expectations heh..)

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17 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-12 02:59 ID:ScFAdA/a

I'll be vaguely honest, it's very very difficult than it sounds to learn Cantonese... maybe Chinese could be simple as a language to read and write (depending on the way you learn.) Good luck, OP.

P.S.: I know Cantonese enough to survive in Hong Kong, so... don't ask me. Thanks. ;)

18 Name: Otakun : 2011-05-12 08:53 ID:Heaven

It might require lots of homework, but pick up a few books at your local bookstore and start out small. Maybe even visit Hong Kong one day and start talking with the locals.

19 Name: Matt : 2011-05-13 04:27 ID:jaYKTaqP

Understanding rather than judging holds a greater significance…I never intended for this to turn into an argument. I am just really messed up in the head. In my heart I know we were meant to be together. I can’t just walk away...Please don’t think anything less of me. All I know is that I can’t live without her in my life. Whether she is a friend or something more… I am 29 and have never felt this way about anyone in my life. She is someone I can’t live without…

20 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-13 15:28 ID:ynbj4m3X

Learn their language Matt. You can never underestimate the power that knowing how to speak their own language can have on people. I have seen countless of times where people's eyes light up and give a sigh of relief so to speak when they see a stranger in front of them speaking their language in a foreign country.

21 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-13 15:33 ID:ToC+nKck

>>19 i cant see this as anything but overly strong chemical reactions in someone who's relatively young. ive had a few 'love at first sight' episodes in my time, and they all fizzle with time apart. 6 months is far, far too little time to commit so hard to a failed relationship. do i think less of you? no. but as a rational person even when you are drunk with love i think you should be able to step back for a moment, see how impractical things are, and see how naive it is to try and drown yourself in a person based on a very short time spent together.

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22 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-13 15:35 ID:ToC+nKck

also to people recommending he learn canto, i want to point out again how extremely difficult that is. there are a wide variety of resources available for mandarin but NOT canto. i mean short of moving to hong kong and immersing yourself in it, i dont see it happening.

23 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-05-19 16:08 ID:jMKceOUz

even simple words or phrases of canto can go a long way. the thing with the chinese families not accepting "gwailos" is the difference of cultures and language and the tendency of marrying people of the same race. i know i am from one of those families

24 Name: arthurjohn29 : 2011-12-15 19:15 ID:oNR7OYr9

i can relate to you matt, i have the same problem.. and we had our relationship for 3 and half years.. im still trying to learn the language and the culture..

25 Name: Secret Admirer : 2011-12-15 20:01 ID:DY/ZGJQN

If OP really wants this woman, the mother will not be a showstopper, merely and obstacle to be overcome. No need to fully learn Cantonese, a few words and a serious display of commitment will be sufficient, as well as the motivation, resourcefullness, and confidence that he will overcome things.

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26 Name: Nic : 2012-02-16 05:17 ID:UkmXQ6QN

DUDE. Respect the culture. Understand it. Learn it.

Your race or ethnicity has nothing to do with whether or not you are worthy enough.

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27 Name: Chua Yantung : 2012-03-13 06:38 ID:uePMqlod

I accidentally farted! GO ME!