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First Date question? (12)

1 Name: Anon : 2012-01-23 19:24 ID:ISCyvpZ8

I'm currently studying abroad.
I'm going to visit my hometown in a week.
So a guy from back at home asked me out for movie and a dinner.

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2 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-01-24 00:25 ID:vlJg/JQE

You like the guy, and you would like to kiss him, but you want to keep it a secret from your (many) mutual friends. Aren't you setting yourself up for a lot of pain?

Why don't you take responsibility for for your actions and feelings? There's nothing wrong about them, and if you feel confident, people will mostly not care about it. On the other hand, if you are ashamed and secretive about your behavior, you will evoke mistrust and suspicion from those around you. People might actually misunderstand and be disappointed in you ("she does not trust me, so she kept me in the dark about it, I'm probably not as close a friend of her as I thought", and all that kind of crap). Besides, these things nearly always filter out, so being sneaky about it ends up catching up with you.

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3 Name: Anon : 2012-01-24 08:13 ID:ISCyvpZ8


You're right, I'll just be normal.
I think hiding it would be more of a problem than it being known, like you say it would be.

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4 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-01-24 13:52 ID:9u0uoPJB

>As in- just how physical can things get on a first date?

This totally depends on the culture and experience of the people involved. Speaking of western countries, if you are for instance thirty something, experienced and confident about yourself, it's entirely normal to even have sex on the first date. If on the other hand someone never had a kiss, or even a date, it's highly unlikely that things would get that far. What matters is what do you feel confident about and wish for yourself. You said kissing and making out, then set a hard limit on anything beyond that. Like, if you were open for a sexual relationship, you should take condoms with you. If you are not taking them, then you have a hard limit at that point.

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5 Name: Anon : 2012-01-24 14:06 ID:ISCyvpZ8

I am Indian. I like to have all other kinds of fun but I prefer to keep my V-card :)

Okay, since those issues do kinda worry me a bit, I'll let him lead the way :P And gotcha, thanks :)

6 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-01-24 16:30 ID:9u0uoPJB

>>5 my pleasure.

One more comment: don't be surprised if nothing happens beyond the kiss. Just as you don't want to come across as a licentious girl, he may also be wary of scaring you into thinking that he's a sex obsessed beast. The net result is a standoff where not much happens. But that's ok: as time goes on you will get to know each other better, and gain more confidence into how your partner feels about you.

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7 Name: Anon : 2012-01-24 16:51 ID:ISCyvpZ8


I won't :) And you're right,he would be wary of himself too.
But one tiny question, what sign should I give if I want to go further without coming off as a tramp? Like, to convey 'I'm open to go furthur than a kiss (but I'm not craving your flesh)'

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8 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-01-24 17:45 ID:9u0uoPJB

Well, since you're waiting for him, your best option is to have a warm and encouraging attitude towards his initiatives. For instance don't stand or sit too far from him, don't retreat or freeze if he approaches or touches you. I don't know enough about Indian culture to recommend this, but if in your culture it's acceptable for friends to touch each other when they chat or laugh (as is common for instance in southern European countries), don't hesitate to touch him when you speak with him.

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9 Name: Anon : 2012-01-24 19:09 ID:ISCyvpZ8


Yeah I know the bits about maintaining a comfortable proximity.
And caresses. And don't worry I won't freeze. I would be quite responsive.

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10 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-02-01 11:37 ID:N08Bnv+T

come here.

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11 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-02-02 09:31 ID:Heaven

I'd be annoyed if I met a girl whose definition of 'more than a kiss' falls short of foreplay.

12 Name: Secret Admirer : 2012-02-05 05:49 ID:Heaven

I think you're in the minority.