I've actually never been on a date before. Every single relationship I've been in has grown from friendship with people I've already known for some time. This is the first instance where I just simply asked a woman I did not know on a date and I'm really nervous about the whole deal. Hell I was actually nervous just to ask her in the first place which was unusual because I've never had any problem talking to women before.
Make eye contact.
Smile and enjoy yourself.
Listen to what she has to say.
Don't ask too weird of questions, I guess. Just try to be yourself and try to relax. Good job man.
I think "Be yourself" isn't the best advice if you're nervous as hell...sometimes you have to act relaxed even when you're not. People tend to like confidence in others, so play it cool even if you're going crazy inside. Just take it slow and act like you have nothing to lose. Don't obsess over how much she's enjoying herself - enjoy yourself and she will too.
I would say don't try to make it memorable or exciting. Anything you do that's particularly out of the ordinary will come off as contrived or trying too hard.
Okay, date over.
I think it went great.
This girl is really something. Not normal at all. She's really cultured and worldly. As a child she and her family traveled around with a carnival. Her family set up those BB-gun games where you shoot out the paper star to win a prize. She's done many varieties of volunteer work. She was once in a steel drum band and worked as a stage hand in a play. She helped in making police dog training videos. She paints, draws, has worked in animation in the past, likes architecture, fashion, fine art, all forms of art really, she wants to backpack across Europe and has a whole list of very specific things and events she wants to take part in or attend that take place all over the world. She's thought about joining the coast gaurd, the peace corps, she loves all kinds of music all over the place. She follows international soccer and likes the old original Star Trek. I ended up just agreeing with her on a lot of things and liking almost all of the same things she does.
This sounds wonderful, truly wonderful.
I wish you two the best of luck!
You did a good job talking to her :)
And wow you remembered all of that
Another Densha Otoko story. But don't stop...keep tellin us how it goes. Also, if you're into jpop and anime, you've got it made man. Not a lot of cute girls are into it...so you're lucky. Good luck on the second date.
Okay, I will, I had the whole second date typed out, but then Channel4 said I was over the character limit by like four thousand and something. So I tried to cut it in half, paste half of it back, post that, then I was over the limit by 239, I went back, and I lost the other half of it. Fuck, what is the character limit?
take ur time
The movie itself was pretty good and really funny. She actually wanted to talk about the movie while it was playing and laugh at parts with me. Over the left arm of my glasses I kept catching her looking at me. And I don't mean she was just moving her eyes, she was turning her whole head to look at me. Was she making sure I was I smiling and enjoying myself? Or something else? What? I don't know.
We got our ice cream and went to the park she mentioned before (Which was actually a playground I knew very well) and sat on the swings still eating our ice cream and still talking while children played on the wooden towers and castles behind us. The sun was setting, temperature dropping. She got a jean jacket and flowered silk scarf from her bag and put them on and we left.
We kept walking and never not having something to talk about. After a mile she asked to stop and I did.
Her: "You're going to think I'm so lame for this."
She searched and retrieved from her bag a can of pepper spray inside a pink-camo case.
She was facing me with that expectant looking body language just like at the end of out first date. I thanked her for the night out, her and I both said some stuff I can't remember, and then we hugged. When we parted our hands stayed on each other and I looked into her eyes. Then she closed them, tilted her head and leaned inward to kiss me.
Woah. What? What. A kiss on the second date, that can't even be normal for normal people, can it? What? Why would she kiss someone she knows as little about as me? What? What. What? I stopped her with the slightest touch; the fingers of my left hand on her right cheek. Too many questions were swimming in my head. I tried to form some semblance of a question but all that came out was a mumbled "You gonna kiss me?" She, still frozen in place, her head still tilted, her eyes, nearly closed and sleepy looking. A wry smile played on her lips.
I asked for a third date. She agreed. When it came to setting up a time she acted all cagey and just wanted me to be spontaneous and text her sometime. I told her I did not want to encroach upon any of her time with friends.
Her: "Ha, I'm kind of boring really."
After both of our work shift we on the street outside our usual cafe. We both got a tea and sat down on this large half-circle couch and talked for a bit. I asked if she could show me any of her work sometime. Her paintings, drawings, and written fiction. She said she had a bad habit of giving away what art she makes to friends but told me she was into henna tattoo art and showed me a photo of this crazy good green and yellow work she did on her left hand. She showed a space on her right foot where there was some faded yellow coloring from some old work of hers, and told me she had also done some work on her left hip too.
I took us for a walk by the river and eventually I lead her to this abandoned truss left over from a bridge long forgotten. It's a place I go to think sometimes. I climbed up about halfway and after some coaxing got her to climb up after me. We ended up having a small unannounced race to the rest the way up. (I won.) I walked to the far end of the truss and sat down with my legs hanging over the ledge. "It really is a great view." she said. From here you can see really far up and down the river and in all directions really. She could never sit down or stand still though. She was antsy. It turns out she was okay with being in high places, but not high places surrounded by water. Before we climbed back down to land I asked her for a kiss. She said I didn't have to ask. I knew that, but I wanted to. We kissed and climbed back to the bottom of the truss where a slope of rocks would lead us back to grassy land. She got to the top first, I looked and saw her standing there waiting for me, smiling. The blue, cloudy sky above her, a backdrop of tall grass, the grey rocks upon which she stood.
It was late, so no more activities. Time to walk her home. We had walked only a small ways before she brought up that she forgot to call her friend for an update on renting that house in the city two hours away. I said again that I would hate to see her go. "So you might be moving in a couple months, right" I asked. "Maybe even sooner than that." she answered. She gestured to a small park area across the street and asked to stop for a moment. We went over and sat on a bench together. She began to speak, looking sad.
I asked what she thought of a transien long distance relationship - basically making a proposal for one. I told her how people manage long distance relationships between countries and between states so we should be able to work a relationship over the distance of a two hour car ride. I told her we could visit each other somewhat frequently. She said she was not someone who could be there. Not just physically, but emotionally. She said she was a huge flake and may not call for weeks or months at a time and that she was the type of person that if I were to ask her what was wrong when she was upset, she would say she was fine and just bottle it up. She said her last relationship went badly because of these things and that she was not ready for it. I took her bag from between us, set it on the ground and moved close to, putting one arm around her. I know everyone has their problems, I certainly know I have faults. I said that all that was okay and that we could just take things slowly, for her. I told her that not just as a woman, but as a person she was the most real person I had ever met. I told her that even with any of my friends I can never get past the superficial level with them. It was true. All of it. But I guess it did not matter to her. Or at least not in the way that I wanted it to. She said that everything about me was "awesome" and that I was "adorable" and that I was so passionate about the things that I believe in. And that "any girl would be lucky" to get the kind of proposal that I just offered her. But that she was just looking for something different.
So what was that exactly? She was looking for someone "to have fun with" until the time came for her move again, right? I asked her why not continue with her original idea; to have me be that guy she would have fun with until she went on to her next town in a couple months? She said it would be even sooner than that. She said then it would be a one-sided relationship, and that one-sided relationships are never good. She said that it was different now that she knew of my feelings. She told me that then she would just be using me if she continued to date me knowing I had feelings for her while she had none for me. "Then use me." That's what I wanted to say. But that would have made things worse. And it would have been the wrong thing to say. Both morally and otherwise. But what was she thinking? It was me who asked her for a date in the first place, and asked her for a second time, and a third time! How could she not think I liked her even just a little? Would that not be painfully obvious? Would that not be expected based on these actions?
Her: "Okay, I'm a little disoriented here."
Me: "It's okay. I know how to get you home from here."
On our way to where she was currently living we kept walking and talking just like before. I was still feeling out her personality. Learning of more amazing things shes done and places shes been. And it really did not feel any different from our first two dates. I guess until we got to her house. She sighed, "This is me." I ask when she was free to hang out this week. Any time after work was good with her. She did not playfully or teasingly be cagey about a time and date. She easily agree to after her work shift on this Saturday. We hugged each other one last time. A tight hug. And we stayed like that. I felt her short hair on my right hand. Into the nape of her neck I said the following.
It was dark now. People around the small city were all on their way home. I passed a boy in a baseball uniform. I always try to be nice and acknowledge the presence of people I pass. I put on a smile and nodded to him. He did not seem to notice. I did it again as he got close. I looked me dead in the eyes. He looked furious and did not return any greeting. Maybe he lost his baseball game. "Wait, does my face appear that way right now?" I thought.
Heartache is weird. I've always thought it to be some ethereal, unreal, almost cosmic emotional state from what I've read in books and manga. But it's an actual physical pain. It's no different from stinging of the blister on my thumb. Or the lingering soreness in my right leg after a run. Or the pain in my neck from holding my head at a funny angle for the time that it's taken me to type all this. It's right there, in the center of my chest cavity. A small twinging pain that feels like a tiny, yet tightly packed cluster of sparks from a dying sparkler. Except painful. I'd really like to see what chemical things take place in the body to create this sensation. Ironically, or maybe unironically, taking pain killing pills does not make it go away.
Welp. That was a wall a fucking text. But I'm glad I wrote it all out. I don't think I did anything wrong here.
Looks like you'll have to open the whole thread to view it all.
Wow. I must say, this started out a little too "ideal", and I was half-expecting a Bel-Air.
Unfortunately I can't offer you any advice, but you do have my sympathy. Our views are similar and this is the sort of thing I would dread if I tried for a relationship. It's a complete shame that so many wonderful people--men and women--prefer non-serious flings to actual romances. Maybe it's a sign of the times, or maybe the world was always like this.
I didn't really learn anything though. Except that there's a chick that has done more with her 19 years than most people do with their whole lifetime. She may have not wanted any kind of romance with me. But I hope I can be like her.
She said something came up and can't hang out Saturday.
Girls are crazy.
All of my relationships (if you can even call them that) have gone something like this.
That was a LONG two part story. Like >>29, we can't give much advice except accept the situation @ hand and move on. Sometimes the person we feel comfortable the most can't share those same feelings with you. And that's not to say "she's the one." I believe in making choices AND fate. We all decide whether to live cautiously or sporadically, but when we make those actions, we don't always know whether it would be for the better or worse. In your case...when you mentioned "fuck...use me then," your choice was to allow her to be with you (regardless of her feelings)...just so the hope of being together and starting a spark of love would enact. However, her choice was your "fate" and that's it. I'll say this though: sometimes love finds you in the most oddest of places. One example: I try to call a girl that I liked since elementary school during summer break. Guess what...I called the wrong girl! However, after several phone calls and hang outs...she's my girlfriend...for almost 8 years!
I don't want to start a gender debate here, but am I the only person who thinks men are more interested in romance than women? Perhaps it's only "geeky" men, but that's the impression I've gotten from /love/ and various other places.
This one didn't work as well, but I wish you luck on the next one, and feel free to come back with help on future endeavors.
Oh, that was strange. Normally it's women who want romance and guys get steriotyped as just wanting sex.
>>37 I have to agree, strange... Then again, that's equality for you.
Perhaps it's because woman finally have equal social rights as men. Imagine keeping slaves for a few decades then saying, "Okay, we're going to let you go. Take all our whips and chains as a sign of our gratitude. Sorry!" Imagine what would happen.