Hi, girl from India here. I'm 21.
I hope what I write makes sense:
I've been single since forever, since birth actually.
I don't feel like committing as of now since I'm studying my MA abroad, and I'm steadily losing hope if anyone is ever going to come by. And I don't seem to be having any luck finding someone I want to be with.
Well the sexuality board was deleted anyway, so it's okay!
What exactly is your question? Should you or should you not have sex before marriage? If that's your question then I would say yes, because it is possible you like who someone is, but then be just plain sexually incompatible with them. So then you are married to someone who you can't make love to enjoyably.
It's just that I'm really torn between thoughts.
I always thought of saving up for 'the special one' or something. But it doesn't look like I'm having any luck in that department at all. And as much as people say 'Aww that's sweet' I'm starting to think it's a pointless wait offlate. And being frisky doesn't help.
>This shitty Heart of mine feels it to be like a Christmas >present only 'he' will unwrap (and 'he' doesn't look like he's >gonna show up)
I lost it in the morning of New Year. It was a friend. I wasn't too close to him but there. I was tipsy, I remember saying no (because I am waiting for someone else...will write that later), but my writhing spoke otherwise. He tried to kiss me before that but I avoided, but things just happened. I didn't think it would go that far though.
But aright now, all I feel is guilt. I couldn't sleep on the way back in the bus. I cried. I can't sleep right now.
There was a lad back at home in a town close to mine, who I've been talking to everyday, We aren't official or anything but we like each other, but aren't seeking relationships.
We always talk and just end the day with each other.
We said we'd wait till we met, I was going to be his first kiss. I remember telling him long back I didn't want any other man in the way because it would be mindfuck.
Here are some random excerpts from convos with that close friend of mine:
-I protested when he wanted to put it in me, but it seemed I wanted it too much.
I will post the convo with S later. I just got limited by characters and I feel tired since I haven't slept.
Damn I posted so much in despair. Well it should give an outline. It's not the losing that bothers, it's how and who I lost it to. I didn't even like that guy in that way.
All these years I knew about those kind of guys and just kept away from losing it in the most awful way possible, and ultimately the the exact thing happens. It what saddens me,
Pff im 30 and still a virgin no problem
You're over thinking this, I believe. You're waaay over complicating something that's is really not that complicated.