I wish I had someone IRL to turn to, but I don't. Here's my story...
I have been in a relationship with a wonderful girl for a little over a year now, let's call her M. The problem is, we're both adults and it's like we're fucking teenagers. This is really both our first legitimate relationships. (She was in one before, but it was highly restrictive and dysfunctional, and I've never been in one before.) Her mother is overprotective of her and she gets very little freedom. Much of the time we spend together is under the watchful gaze of an adult (usually her mother) or her presence is at least felt. I have intimacy issues with her. She doesn't always turn me on. I'm a recovering porn addict. I quit earlier in the year and haven't whacked to porn since, but I'm still having intimacy issues. She used to be my friend's girlfriend, and we started developing feelings for each other then, while their relationship was in decline, but I squashed them because I wasn't going to be that guy. When they finally broke up, nothing changed. I felt no physical attraction because I repressed it, but our personalities were still connecting. She's everything I want emotionally in a relationship. We trust each other, respect each other, we communicate openly, we understand each other, we love each other. She's like someone I knew in a past life. That's how well we get along. We just feel this strong connection with each other. We understand each other like no other two people can...even though we have very little in actual common.
One night, I was out with K, and she said something to me that just seemed off. She told me that she could have whatever life she wanted, but she wasn't sure what it was she wanted. When I asked for elaboration, she said she didn't know if she wanted the high, glamorous lifestyle or something more low-key and ordinary. Subconsciously, something clicked in my head and I realized I loved M. Also, it put into the back of my head that a relationship with K wouldn't last for long and that I'd wind up getting hurt in the end...which I wanted to avoid at all costs. I'd experienced plenty of pain by this point. She had told me about some of the types of guys she had been involved with in the past...and I certainly didn't compare to their exciting lifestyles or jobs. Why was this girl interested in me? I had nothing going for me at the time. Hell, I'm still just trying to survive and get my life started.
I feel like our relationship has progressed as far as it can go until she/we can get her/our life/lives started. Her mother isn't going to relent. I have tried reasoning with her in the past to no avail. M is working on getting her license finally, and she'll be done with school soon and be able to get a job. Sometimes we both feel like this relationship has only existed as a result of our circumstances. In other words, if we both had our lives together, we wouldn't be together. She thinks I'm going to leave her once I get my life together, but I still think she'll leave me first. I chose to be with her over another girl, after all. Sometimes I wish I had stayed in contact with K as friends, but if she liked me, I didn't want to bother her with my issues with M, because I'd been through that with girls I liked telling me about their guy problems and I wasn't going to do that to someone else. That aside from the "I'm being unfaithful" kind of thing M would see. She's always had problems feeling inadequate compared to other women.
They both made me happy. It's just that...maybe I was a little hasty in my decision. I hadn't even associated with her for a year before I chose my friend that I've known for a lifetime now. And I kind of feel guilty for not straight out telling K we couldn't hang out anymore. Maybe we could've still talked at least. I have no one to confide in. I feel so alone and helpless.
I wish I had someone IRL to turn to, but I don't. Here's my story...abridged.
Mod, please delete this thread. It's not going to get any responses and is therefore, a waste of space. Thank you.
You seem to overthink too many things, maybe because she's your first.
I don't know how you can call it a "fully functional relationship" with those intimacy issues. Being a porn addict shouldn't be this big a problem, especially cause you stopped since spring.
"We [M and OP] have very little in actual common."
This is one of the reasons why your relationship with M can't last.
yeah but is her anus pretty?