Long ago I came to these boards looking for help in my love life. For those interested in a 6 year old thread here's the link: http://4-ch.net/love/kareha.pl/1226981241/l50
Even though that chapter of love didn't work out as well as I had hoped, all the lessons I learned those days eventually did help me find the love of my life.
Well after having a few letdowns I kinda feel extremely devoid of emotions and I no longer want to find love. I just want to be bad to people like they've been bad to me.
I found out, after deciding on changing my behavior, that soon all my 'friends' cut ties with me. It was that easy: each and every one of them neglected me on the first 'bad' thing I did to them. They didn't bother talking to me about it; they didn't want to know why I did what I did. It did not surprise them at all that all these years I've been 100% there for them and suddenly I changed my behavior. They used me for as long as they had to; as soon as I turned my back on them, they turned their back on me.
You're absolutely right. You have no room for love for others if you started hating parts of yourself enough to do such a drastic change. In all honesty I was at the same point myself where: "if nobody really cared about me why should I care about them?" The only problem was that it cut out anybody who really who did or would care about you/me.
i dont care who says theyre hot or they arent id still put it in all their holes