This thread isn't for those with social anxiety or those who want relationships with others but are too shy to get them. This, rather, is for people who genuinely enjoy being alone, from at least most of the time to all of the time.
How do you cope with living in a soceity in which you are generally viewed as though there is something wrong with you? What do you do when/if people try to start conversations with you? Are you fine with some occasional required contact, or do you resent even this? Do you feel there is some sort of a void in your life, and that you need to find something to fill it? I'm curious to see if there is anyone with experiences similar to mine on here.
Not really an emo.
I don't want to kill my self.
I don't hate the world (although there are some bad points) but I just feel more calm when I am alone.
Although, some days I get bored so I hang with my friends....
So I guess I am a healthy loner? ha ha ha - Kira
Homer: So I realized that being with my family is more important
than being cool.
Bart: Dad, what you just said was powerfully uncool.
Homer: You know what the song says: "It's hip to be square."
Lisa: That song is so lame.
Homer: So lame that it's... cool?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Am I cool, kids?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Good. I'm glad. And that's what makes me cool—not caring, right?
Bart and Lisa: No.
Marge: Well, how the hell do you be cool? I feel like we've tried
everything here.
Homer: Wait, Marge. Maybe if you're truly cool, you don't need to
be told you're cool.
Bart: Well, sure you do.
Lisa: How else would you know?
The allure of a loner is in my own opinion rather interesting. Although I cannot speak for anyone else, I do believe to some degree that being a loner or being alone is a benefit to society; for reasons that are not to be mistaken with socialism. Loners contribute to society unaware; by the mere fact they are usually more intelligent then so-called socialites. Loners are free thinkers, because they think away from the pack; as opposed, with the pack. You may think the old saying, "two heads are better then one", is right and justifiably so; although not on all occasions. Loners have an uncanny ability to know themselves better then socialites. It is because of this reason that more then often the great minds of the last century were introverts; as opposed to extroverts. This has led to the view that people who spend most of their time alone get a somewhat slated ideological viewpoint of reality and tend to think outside the box.
>>103
You yourself seem to worry a lot about being "cool". How's that working out for you, non-loner scum?
I live in a small house by myself in a rural area of Maine. I enjoy the housework, I enjoy gardening, I enjoy being able to see the stars at night. I enjoy hiking in the early morning light, and I enjoy the crisp silence of snowfall. I work in a bookstore about half an hour away and it pays the bills. I get along fine with people, but I honestly prefer the company of the land and a good book.
Been Loner all my life. Married twice but too much hassle. Best to do your own thing in life. Interested in people but don't need them or want involvement. Lovely life. Spend money like water - noone to nag. Down to the last £200 but who needs money with NHS? Live sheltered housing so no probs, Council does it all.
Old age will be good for me cos can just do my own thing but put on the "I need help" bit when necessary. Three children, selfish, uninteresting, and childless. But all married. What more could you want? Perhaps put the £200 on cesarewitch favourite. No other horse stands a chance against him.
So good luck to you youngsters and dont worry about what others say. They don't know how much joy there is in solitude and how much relief in being self sufficient.
Cheers, Jim
I've been a lone wolf all my life, too.
I only had friends in kindergarten. After that I went to a boarding school from the first to the fifth grade. Got bullying by some older students. And when I got back home for weekends... there was no one to hang out with. Got bullying again for years.
Well... I think being a loner is not bad. Of course, sometimes I think how it would be nice to have a friend to chat about cute boys and everything ^_^
But friends mean complications, too. When I see that some friendships can get broken by banal reasons... then I'm glad I don't have any real friendships.
I'm really pleased enough with internet friendships.
And I enjoy having time just for me! :) I've a lot of hobbies which doesn't need a second or more persons.
Maybe I'll miss a life with friends when I get older (I'm 20 now) ... but I think if I had a life with friends... then I would think later why I never did have enough time just for me alone...
My name is Chantel, I have been a loner my whole life. I had also fought it my whole life because society told me subconciously something was wrong with such anti social behavior. Now I am still a loner however about 2 years ago I went on a huge spiritual trip. I got lost in my world and now seems I have lost something inside of me. I filled the void with words of comfort, meditations, and various other things. Now I feel similar to other people here, what is the point? I love my solitude however I know I would sacrifice that for a person who could inspire me to dig deeper into my "faith". I have been studying tantra in "the book of secrets" it is composed for a person who is introverted, only a strong introvert can use it correctly. It is full of 112 meditations, and if you are interested in phycology and trying to get the "skeletons out of the closet" then it is for you! It took me over a year to finish. I wanted to share that because I'm a very spiritual person; however no religion seems to have any solid answer with no flaws. This is the main reason I am so distant from people. Most that I talk to seem to be living in a facade that cannot be broken by anyone but themselves. I wish I knew someone like me every day, I too feel as the years pass they go faster. This scares me because I am a hard worker and in so many ways I am beautiful, and I love people so much if I could only be a part of one or two peoples lives it would be so rewarding. Alas it seems I will find none to look into my eyes and see my soul. I'm 23 and am sure this sorrow will only increase. I watched my mother in her 30's and 40's panick over her solitude. I would rather not have a day to where I see all the times I could have built something and ended up with hours of television, I want to expand my mind and tv, video games, and other things that sedate a busy mind are not going to keep me happy. Its too bad that loners don't reach out to eachother. Lost in utah..... meangreen169@aol.com
People are awesome once you learn to push their buttons. I recommend acting classes.
haha my verification word was scabitch!It's funny how as loners,we all have so much in common.I believe that if you really feel happy being alone,then there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.I am one of thousands of people that feel alone,whether I am actually alone,or have many people around me at one time.I've always been singled out my whole life,as an outcast.I believe there is a reason for this,which I am still trying to figure out.I don't hate people,but I do hate what most people are about.Sort of like how some Christians say,"Hate the sin,not the sinner." I believe alot of my alienation,now that I'm pushing 30,comes from my own self-doubt brought on by my childhood.I am beginning to realize that your thoughts shape the world around you,as is modern science.What I'm trying to get at is,if you really are a loner,then fine,but don't pretend to be one as an excuse to escape issues that you need to deal with.
Loner, here....
I suppose I started noticing just how much of a loner I was at around 12. I grew up around adults. Never developed a social life w/ peers. By 18, I was convinced that there WAS a group of 'Loner's' and I was probably just as cool as all of them. By 20, nothing was cool. No friends. The one I loved was not a lover. Career was stressful, I was 'successful,' but not popular, couldn't control my tongue, pissed everyone off for the fun of it. Just to watch their expressions change, as they say. I internalized everything until I had one of those 'dehydration' break downs. Basically, I wound up in a hospital screaming and screaming my head off....I'm shocked I'm still not in a loony bin today, and somewhat disappointed about it, because people in the condition I was in need more help than what was provided. I am not so angry anymore. Now I am just alone. When I am with others, and always. There is always only me, and I can tell you I am not that fun.
i like being alone, i wish ppl would just leave me alone, but they refuse to, there's always someone that needs to be "entertained" a boss, a friend, a parent, a family member, wish they'd all just get off my back and leave me friggin alone
I think most of the people in this thread (including myself) can related to this article:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality_disorder
Now, I think calling it a "disorder" is rather harsh since we are all very functioning individuals, but this is undoubtedly a "condition" we all have.
The part of the article on the "secret schizoid" describes myself and many others in this thread perfectly. We can be very social when necessary and even have a really interesting and interactive personality, but in the end we prefer genuine solitude to relationships with others. Definitely read the "secret schizoid" section of the article too.
I love you guys.
In a 'but please stay away from me' sort of way though; of course.
I don't know if I'm a schizoid or an avoidant. Sometimes I think it's be nice to get along with people; most of the time, I think I'm fine without them. Every now and then, I observed people and think to myself how very interesting they all are...
I like them, but I don't really want to interact with them.
>>117, Schizoid personality is both more common and more strictly defined than you let these guys beleive; our society has a tendency to treat loners as diseased. You guys likely fit not well because you lack narcissist drive and dread of interaction (though earlier posters do). I went schizoid once, and say, don't idoize a disease.
All hail the collective! Solitary man is natural, but obsolete?
You guys probably already know about this, but in case you haven't, you'll be interested in this. Do bear in mind it's only about 70-80% accurate
http://www.41q.com/index.41q
http://www.personalitypage.com/portraits.html
I'm INFP, how 'bout you?
>>120
There was a different test on 4chans /jp/, which I scored INTP on.
I 100%
N 79%
T 100%
P 69%
But on this test, I score ISTP, too bad the scoring system is fucked up, so lets say 0 is fully extroverted, and 18 is full introverted, if you took the test this should be somewhat obvious.
I 14
S 6
T 0
P 10
Mostly with these tests I feel I have both qualities, such as this question, number 4:
Do you prize more in yourself:
a vivid imagination, or
a strong sense of reality?
I have both goddamn.
Facts:
speak for themselves, or
illustrate principles?
Wut they speak for themselves but facts do so much more. This is fucking bullshit.
>>121
Well actually I'm not exactly sure about the NTP scores, I know for a fact the I was 100% though, and that NT were very high. P not so. Or whatever. I will try to find the same test.
I HATE forced socializing. Damn near everyone I meet thinks I owe them friendship, as if the sole reason why I exist is to be their fucking god damned friend. They even go out of their way to figure out my schedule so they can put themselves in my path at a time they know I'll be there just to force me to "coincidentally" bump into them so we could make friends. It's fucking retarded, and somehow I'M the one who's wrong. Since when was there a law passed that stated we HAVE to make friends? Why can't people just go fuck off? Can't they understand that my life does NOT revolve around them? I have MORE IMPORTANT things to do in MY time than make friends with people that don't fucking matter to me.
tl,dr: fuck people.
So, I admittedly didn't read the whole thread here but there's something I've been thinking about lately I'd like to get some other people's thoughts on.
It seems many of us watch or read some type of drama, be it anime or live-action, fantasy or sci-fi. Now, does it bother you at all that perhaps this media we consume is a drug. A social drug. We don't socialize--root cause of that aside--but we're still human, we still long for some sort of social connection and we fulfill that with one-way connections to fictional characters.
There's a study somewhere suggesting that substituting media for real relationships is actually highly effective at mollifying need for social interaction, except that the "crash" when the series/movie/book ends can be even worse.
I know for me I watched "Avatar: The Last Airbender" and fell hopelessly in love with Katara. Watched "Densha Otoko" and "Boys Over Flowers," same thing.
Thoughts, guys?
Well if you are using media to...well feed your need for social interaction, and then go and post about being a loner on a friggin message board, then don't you think you're not really that much of a loner to begin with?
Real loners don't sit at home and talk about how being loners to other people. No, they go out in the woods and live like wildmen (or wildwomen, no need for discrimination here) and don't interact with any humans at all.
So yeah, sorry but either go to the mountains or go outside.
Yeah, really, if you guys truly wanted to be alone, you wouldn't all be connecting here on this board.
I think that's what >>124 is trying to say, some of us might not actually be the detached, stoic creatures we think we are. Instead, we fill our void media and message boards.
I am somewhat of a loner (age 24). It's not that I don't want to have friends (in fact, I would gladly have some more friends), but I feel more comfortable being alone than being with others. I feel like I just don't have that much to discuss with people. People usually either gossip about others, complain about stuff or talk about things they have seen or want to own (most guys I know talk about cars and computers, I don't really care about either). To be honest there are very few things in life that I really care about.
Discussing things with people is usually not so great either, only people that are truly open to the opinion of others and willing to review their own if you make a good argument are any fun to discuss with. But you very rarely come across such people and often it's hard to befriend them (either because they are like me and don't put in the effort, or they have a billion friends already).
Also, I've always felt that I could see straight through people and see their intentions for what they are. For example, I have a pretty good ability to spot it when people lie to me. It means I also see the ugly 'hidden' side everyone has... in essence people primarily care about themselves (I am not different though). Most people I befriend are people that cannot hurt me in any way (so people 'weaker' socially than me), or people that are brutally honest. My friendships usually don't last when I stop seeing these people at whatever school I am attending at the time.
Whenever I go some place new (again at school I suppose), I usually end up socializing a bit at first. But at some point it's like I can no longer put in the effort and just drift away from social groups.
At times I think about how it would be nice to go somewhere with friends though. But then I think about where I would want to go and there are not many places I am really interested in where normal people hang out.
I have a girlfriend with who I have been for a few years, first girl I've ever been with. I intend to marry her because I do want to have my own family and I do love her. It's not always easy though and sometimes I'd rather be alone for a while, but I think the benefits do outweigh the negatives.
an obsessive man's boot camp so that no one woman is the object of their thoughts unless it's reciprocated
true love. So that loners will be an accepted community, so they don't go and shoot up schools
and workplaces. This will entail watching films with true stalkers and role reversal, and
commentary about these movies. They will be toughened like water downed soldiers. They will
treat a paint ball gun as the real thing. And group sharing
of feelings will be punishment, however once or twice and week they will
have to do it as adaptive techniques for job placement. We will go over what it is to be nice
vs actually liking you.
If you ask me media is just a substitute drug. totally agree on that.
The tests are a terrible way to learn your MBTI personality. Rather, you need to actually get a proper understanding of the functions, and decide for yourself.
(and if doing that sort of thing doesn't interest you, you're probably a Sensor)
I don’t know if I would be classified as a loner. I have just lost the drive to put forth the effort necessary to have friends. People desire too much of my time, and for the most part, I enjoy having my personal space. Everyone I’ve ever met has either immediately wanted to date me, which creeps me out, or wants me to constantly hang out with them, leaving no time for myself. I enjoy having extra hours in the day to explore my imagination and pursue my hobbies.
I never hang out with friends as much as I want to. But this is not helped by the fact that I live far away from any civilisation.
>>124
I'd agree, but I'd also say you really need to distance yourself from what is fiction. I have to distance myself from my own fantasies often. I keep it in check.
Im 19 now and im also an introvert. I just watch K-dramas, animes, read mangas, 9gag, and use my laptop the whole day. I have some friends but since Im in college now, Im finding it hard to make new ones (my old ones are left in my country). Such a pain...im too shy and awkward. Most of the time I have no idea what to say. Is it just me? I mean how do you deal with this? Its summer and as usual im cooped up in my room just watching animes. My sister keeps telling my sad and pathetic I am but im perfectly happy this way. I mean I look to go out occasionally but sometimes its a pain. Im not even like a geeky girl (as you would describe it). Im normal looking but just socially awkward. Any comments? :)
>>135
As long as you're not dropping out of society and the developing world in general, you're fine. Keep doing what makes you happy.
I can't imagine the sort of fortitude it takes to be a genuine loner, as the OP puts it. To live without the need for the warmth of love or the joy of brotherhood. If such a creature exists, they must derive such happiness from their passions.
As for me, I'm pretty mediocre at my hobbies. I rely on interaction from my girlfriend and her family, with no real social interaction outside of that. I am never solicited to be more social. Maybe it's because nobody is interested in me, but I think it's mostly because I don't solicit anybody to socialize with me. I can't complain. Strangers outside of anonymous boards make me uncomfortable.
To be more relevant to the topic, seeming happy and energetic while keeping boundaries is the best way to avoid unwanted interaction.
Even if I'm not a genuine loner, I understand the pain of somebody talking to you while you're perfectly content without them. The unwanted risk of ego is what makes it worst for me. I'm always afraid I'll say something stupid and beat myself up for it the next month.
Went to a friend's birthday on Sat. I was the only one among her friends who was not also a work friend or attached in that fashion. Also the only single. It still feels wrong to me, like I shouldn't have been there. I thought I'd made some serious changes in the past year, but really I'm still the same bitter, lonely, frustrated man I've always been. The only difference is that I feel I am really a man now, instead of a boy.
It may be just as well. I've never been in a good relationship because I'm neurotic and sexually deviant. My parents and family want me to have a "normal" relationship and a normal life, but I don't think I'd be able to stand it even if I could do that. I'll probably end up spending every hour I can working, so that I can make large amounts of money and on my down time sit alone in my apartment with my music on and pornography on my TV. Those are my best prospects.
I could be a loner. I like being alone far better than being with other people. I'm really irritable at school, too. The only time I can really relax is when I'm without company. The thought of living in one of those big abandoned missile silos all by myself sounds really cool to me.
I don't really know if I fall under the conditions set by here for being a 'loner' but a recent event made me realize something about myself. So here I am sitting next to my classmate during a seminar in the school auditorium, we start talking to pass the time and I was fine with that. As soon as we got out of the auditorium she followed me and still wanted to talk, I didn't hate her and I didn't think she was a bad talker either, but basically I cut her off and walked out of sight as soon as I could. It felt like a mean thing to do, and yet when I walked away I felt...at peace, as if it was natural for me to be alone. I felt like I was in my natural state.
Weird.
I feel that such a move to promote through the media in relation to Japan, China, South Korea, the bad feelings between countries, are the anti-Japanese sentiment and activity on the mainland, the right-wing domestic activity further I wish I've got to. . Oh, so-called dirty media.
I am one of Japan.
In primary school I had very few friends. I remember being in an odd position in which I wanted to talk to someone, but not any of the people who were actually around to talk about. So I talked to myself. It was wonderful; I would spend almost all of my free time alone, contemplating philosophical concepts.
Come secondary school I made the prerequisite number of friends not to be picked on, some of them acquaintances from primary school. Looking back, not only did I have little in common with any of them, but I didn't actually like any of them. I just felt some sort of need for companionship. Even this waned over time.
After secondary, I finally admitted to myself that I didn't want or need friends. From that point on, I have only ever had acquaintances, and even those only as many as are useful to me. It is perfect. I can easily come across as simply slightly introverted when in fact I have no interest in any sort of relationship whatsoever. Admittedly my situation is unlike some of yours insofar as I have no problem with other people, simply no interest.
I don't think I've went out with friends for like what, 6 years now? They know better than to invite me by now. I don't particularly hate maybe talking to a few close friends in college but given the choice I like it better here in my room.
That said, I wouldn't mind having a partner, not that I think anyone would be attracted to me in a (at least close) future.
I'm so lonely. It's been almost 4 years since I've had any friends whatsoever... no one talks to me, and I doubt anyone would ever love me.
I've ended up really loathing myself over these years..
I just wish someone would love me.. talk to me, be my friend.. I dunno..
I'm so lonely. It's been almost 4 years since I've had any friends whatsoever... no one talks to me, and I doubt anyone would ever love me.
I've ended up really loathing myself over these years..
I just wish someone would love me.. talk to me, be my friend.. I dunno..
>This thread isn't for those with social anxiety or those who want relationships with others but are too shy to get them. This, rather, is for people who genuinely enjoy being alone, from at least most of the time to all of the time.
For me both are true. I enjoy being alone. Just in a quiet room, doing whatever I want to do. At the same time I'd enjoy having a good friend or two, to go places once every two weeks and hang out or something.
I would say that I spend maybe 4 hours a week in the explicit company of other people (i.e., "hanging"), if it were to be averaged, while the rest of it is spent in my apartment wholly alone. When I have spent time with people, I have to force the words out of my mouth, "...So what did you do then?", because I'm not actually curious what happened then, but if I don't prompt the person, they will think I'm ignoring them. If I was ignoring them, they could not see me. I don't mind being talked at, but as soon as I have to participate with the same amount of enthusiasm and energy as the others, I lose interest. I'm not very energetic, I'm not very positive, but I'm not very bothered, so no, I don't care what Shelly did, but I don't mind you telling me.
Being alone is FINE as long as you are fine with it. As soon as you're alone but wish you were something else, and cannot, it's purgatory, you can't do anything, and there's nothing to do in the mean time.
I just watch a lot of sitcoms uploaded to YouTube, and get as high as I can as often as I can, with caffeine, pot, good music, jerking off, dancing about, whatever, to feel manic and lively.
Step out into the cool night air, and feel the aloneness!
