Okay, please don't pick on me too much for this...
I'm a girl, and my boyfriend wants to have sex with me all the time. But, I don't really get any pleasure out of it and I don't know why, and it really upsets him because he isn't "pleasing" me. I find it to be just a bit painful, probably in part because he's kinda large.
The thing is, I actually enjoy masturbation a little. So if I ever mention masturbation ever, he always wants to know if I've been doing it recently, and I feel I have to avoid his next question, which is "Why don't you have sex with me then?" I've tried to explain that I just don't enjoy it, and he always acts all depressed and tells me that I would enjoy it if I was with someone else more attractive, and thinks I could just pick up the most attractive straight males on the planet just because I'm somewhat attractive.
I dunno what to do about this, and it causes so many problems. I'm wondering if something is wrong with me - I've never heard anyone else say they have this problem. And what should I do about it? I already pretty much accept the fact that I'm not going to like have sex more than once every week, but that won't fly with most men it seems. What should I do?
>>1
dont tell ur guy "i just dont enjoy it". because for guys, having sex with women is a very important part of their lives, and once they find out that their partner dont enjoy it, they loose all the confidence they have(its not just confidence in sex, but in everything, for some reason)
well its not ur fault not being able to enjoying it, but u have much better way to tell him u want to avoid having sex with him.
I suggest that you should tell him, sex should be pleasant for both. Perhaps he could change the tempo, or you could try different positions, or longer foreplay?
>>1
let him watch you masturbate, and tell him what you do that feels good for you, then get him to do it
> Relationship problems should go in the Love & Romance board.
Switch it up, like >>3 said. Sex isn't all about vaginal penetration. Maybe find a book or something, play out fantasies and stuff, that might help.
Do you use lube? Whats the tempo of penetration? Have you tried anything kinky?
If you're desperate you can always visit a gynecologist. I've heard of women who have a problem such as yours, which actually turned out to be physical. A quick surgical procedure allowed them to enjoy sex normally.
Just try more foreplay and it might get better for you. Like have him masterbate or go down on you. Try not get into the humping and just warm things up, things might end up better for you.
>>1
Protip: sex is a lot more than just intercourse. He needs to learn that.
He also needs to learn that pressuring you like that will yield very negative results, as he's basically destroying the sexdrive you do have. It's never good to saw off a branch you're sitting on: how is he expecting to be able to get you to have more sex if he's even making you reluctant to masturbate?
Ok first of all, this isn't about my relationship or love, it's about me. So stop with the self-righteous "look at this thread out of place" shit, okay?
I'm just worried there's something wrong with me. I just can't seem to enjoy sex, and don't really even want it most of the time, and it seems very abnormal for a girl my age. It actually bothers him a lot that I'm not enjoying it, and he tries different things, which always seem to hurt. I don't know why it always hurts. :(
>>13
[and it seems very abnormal for a girl my age]
well u dont know yet. maybe his sex skill isnt good enough, or his cock is either too small or too big so it doesnt fit u.
>>13
Hmm... you would probably get better responses on the Love and Romance board though, as it usually covers sex related stuff as well.
Besides, I don't think you have a mental issue or anything. If you don't like sex, you don't like sex. Although, if you do think there is some sort of a problem, a gynecologist could probably help you.
Secondly, I think you should try as hard as possible to explain your case to him. I too would probably get upset if my girlfriend talked to me about her masturbating when I was there and more than willing to please her.
Have you tried the 69 position/oral sex, letting him masturbate you, or using more lubrication? If not, perhaps you'll enjoy that more, and it'll also help show him that you're not just trying to avoid being intimate with him.
>>13
1) What EXACTLY do you mean by sex? Just intercourse?
>I don't know why it always hurts.
Go see a gynecologist. Stat.
Seriously: you need to be able to rule out the possibility of any physical problems.
Do remember though that without enough lubrication, sex will hurt. So if you're not aroused enough (and I do mean terribly turned on and not just a tad aroused), the natural lubrication will not be enough. If you don't get aroused enough, then you might want to experiment around (by yourself, as well as with a partner who enjoys teasing and isn't just too one-track minded about putting it in) to check if you can get aroused enough or not. If it doesn't seem that way, accept the fact that you're not that into sex. It doesn't make you any less worth or "weird". Everybody deviates from the stereotype of a human in many different ways, you just happen to deviate in that way as well. Speaking from a biological standpoint, it's more important that you enjoy intimacy than intercourse (as in cuddling, etc) as your body is programmed to reward itself with the good kind of happy drugs (that will help making your lifespan as long as possible) when you get positive skin to skin contact/massage/etc.
Oh geez. Girl. Why on earth are you having sex with a guy in the first place? Stop it. A guy gets a license to drive a car, he gets one to fish, why are you giving yourself to him freely? Just for his love? Do it the right way. Get married. Live your life. Don't waste your time on someone who isnt going to marry you. You giving him sex now..he is getting what he wants without having to prove his love through a promise in front of witnesses.
Sex is the most intimate you can be with any person on earth. It obviously isnt working for you and causing you pain and it is basically being demanded of you when you dont want to have it as much. Stop it. Stop fornicating and live your live. Tell him no one sex until you are married. If he cant handle that or you cant handle that it really shows you are not mature enough to even be having sex much less be in a healthy relationship. Quit hurting your body with his large penis and get things straight in your life.
>>18
This advice is worthless for >>1's problem.
Read the thread instead of reacting to a few keywords.
Sex is not the most intimate thing you can be with someone, this only applies if both the partners are in a relationship where the sex can get that personal, thanks to the mindset the partners share with each other. Marriage is not some sort of magical insta-bond/fixitall. And if you think that intimacy is about how embarrassed/confused/inexperienced you are, you're sadly mistaken. "True" intimacy (Mmm, no true scotsman?) when it comes to sex is about connecting on a very deep mental level at the same time as the physical.
>>1
Go see a doctor. We aren't joking around. This could be serious. If you're lucky, you just require some minor surgery, if you're unlucky, it might be really bad shit, possibly even cancer.
Some funny responses......
I agree with the seeing a doctor. This to rule out any physical problems. The problem in this situation is not exactly you but the both of you.
Negative experiences with sex makes you wanna have less sex. Afraid of getting hurt sure as hell falls into that catagory.
Basicly you are wide enough to take him but if you are too dry it will definitly hurt. So use lubrication.
The fact that you are so scared now makes you tighten more which in turn makes the pain worse. You need to be completely relax before penetration.
In your case foreplay is extremely important. It makes you more relax. He REALLY needs to understand this. If he keeps forcing like that he will only get the opposite of what he wants.
If he doesn't want to understand, dump him. He is not worth it because he doesn't care about your problem.
Chojin.
Painful intercourse = Dyspareunia. Most of the time it's due to another general (medical) cause...scars, lack of lubrication, etc etc. Sometimes it's due to anxiety and stress. You could try wiki or webmd, if that helps.