death is the only hope (62)

60 Name: Anonymous : 2019-01-21 04:49 ID:Heaven

I really just browsed here out of curiosity. I actually might have read this very thread when I was in high school, and forgot about it because it's uncomfortable to hear about people feeling they should just give up on life. These days I can understand how OP is feeling, getting older and feeling like you're just wasting away your life is tough, and feeling like you could be having a more fulfilling social life. I don't get so choked up over a lack of a social life, too much, I have plenty of friends online. It doesn't bother me too much I don't have any friends irl, except one I hadn't hung out in person with in over a year. Crippling social anxiety is a bitch, though. Being so terrified in public that it's exhausting everytime is no fun.
I'm a transwoman and have been struggling hard through my adult life. Only the past 3 years I've been full time. I was laid off work for that and it's hard for me to get myself back on my feet, because I've always dealt with anxiety, worried people just see me as a timid piece of garbage, and now worried they see me as a freak. Deep down I know I'm not a bad looking person and I'm good at socializing casually, at least once I'm comfortable with someone. Even though I know this, it's hard for me to keep myself convinced. I'm only going to cause myself more regret in the future, nothing should be stopping me from progress.
It's really never too late to realize these toxic mindsets are nothing but toxic, and they do nothing but bog you down from at least being proud of the hobbies and so on you do enjoy, even if your life isn't exactly ideal. You don't need to have a great job, be a social butterfly, or fit the ideal beauty standards! Most people I become friends with online don't fit into any of those, but they are still great people I enjoy the company of, with their own unique personalities/experiences. You should want to improve yourself and your life, but don't get bogged down by what you don't have yet, or for not meeting your goals sooner! It's hard to stay positive in this world, and you never really be able to always stay positive. All any of us can do is try, and no one is truly alone on this.
>>59
I sure as hell hope they are going well. OP would be 10 years older than both of us, so about 37/38.
If OP ever comes back to 4-ch someday to check things out, they better respond!

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