Sexually molested by older brother. Should I tell to my family? (155)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2007-05-02 20:00 ID:F8NYbquD

I’m 28 now but when I was 9 my older brother started touching me while I was sleeping, masturbated me and rub his penis in my ass.

I suddenly changed personality, from an extroverted kid to a very introverted one, always in my room, no friends, almost all my puberty depressed, I tried to never mention his name again, just call him "the other one" (I have another brother) and trying to keep always an eye on my little sister, worry about he will try the same with her.

I don’t know if it was not obvious for my parents the change in personality and my strong reluctance to be in the same place with him, now I know these and other behaviors I had then, are clearly a sign of child sexual abuse, but my parents are catholic (we live in South America) and they had an excellent relation with their families, so, they would never thought in something like this.

My dad change, for him been a good brother is very important and he never understood why I start hating my older brother. Why always when he talked something about him, I did faces, and why I transformed in a crybaby loner.

My mom for the other side interpreted this as a behavior- adolescence issue and start overprotecting me even more. Cause I didn’t have a social life and was very quit she always put me like an example of discipline, academically and at home, and we - my mom and I- formed a strong relationship that all the others- included my dad and sister- feel alienated from it.

So, this maked even greater the distance between my father and me. For him, I just was a bitter and loner guy that hated my siblings and didn’t have friends.

When I start university I meet many people very similar to me and I try to take command of my life and not be sad anymore. I made friends for the first time, and had a pretty busy social and cultural life in the visual arts faculty.

But also I started my sexual life, and I actually had from the beginning some quite unhealthy patterns: anonymous sex in public places, sex with guys I just met in gay bars, sex in gay saunas, and never getting out of the closed. So I never had an emotional evolved relationship with a partner and I was playing with my life having unsafe sex on this AIDS age. I’m negative but I aware that my unhealthy sexuality had a big deal to do with the sexual abuse I had.

106 Name: werya : 2011-11-07 16:04 ID:PnazRCmW

hi my name is werya im 28 years old i want see you .

107 Name: Anonymous : 2011-11-08 11:36 ID:OgfA8XEv

Oh, yeah? Well, at least
I don't touch Freddy.
Yeah, he touches my little brother. He takes
him behind the furnace and touches him.
He..He... He fingers him.

You hear that, Dad? You're gonna pay!

He's a molester. He's a child molester!

108 Name: Anonymous : 2011-11-12 09:31 ID:fnHxxlsR

Only a couple friends and my mom know these things about me but here we go I did alot of rotten things when I was younger like experimenting with my cousins (guys) more than once, doing stuff to animals, molesting my little cousin when I was 14 and also my step brother at tht same age.Im 20 now and too this day I still regret all the things I did when I was younger. I was shown porn when I was only 8 and my uncle and dad pretty much taught me things about sex tht a normal kid dnt learn till there about twelve and Im not saying its there fault its completely mine but I just wanted to explain these situations more detailed... Im a good person now and I would do anything to change all the things I did when I was a rotten teen but I cnt I just try to move on with my life.. the question is how old was ur brother?

109 Name: disguisted : 2011-11-21 03:53 ID:2kQqHgHq

i have been molested. and my mom is feeling guilty and pushes me away. she even said its to late to do something about it. (depression) im homeless and still
hurting as of now

110 Name: andrea : 2011-11-21 20:33 ID:6yO/TGwJ

I was molested when I was 13 by my dad. He would bribe me with stuff just so he could feel my breasts. One time he gave me $100 just to let him stick his hand down my pants for 5 minutes. I finally told my mom and it was a good thing because it turns out he was bribing my younger sister as well. Please tell!!!

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112 Name: Anonymous : 2011-11-26 17:33 ID:maP8hsm5

oh my god how did i get here from hockey hits to pparents molesting kids

113 Name: bbgunn34 : 2011-11-28 04:50 ID:/FRw7UPC

my brother molested me too. u have to tell someone... at first i didnt want to ruin the family.. but its not ur fault he ruined the family.. and ur parents and rest of ur family will forgive him wether you forgive him is you choice but do tell someone or you will never be right... and also go see a counciler at first i thought i was going to hate it but in the end it really helped me relize it wasnt my fault... im not gay. but im not against gays in fact i think its shit tht its a LAW tht gay men cant get married.. but tell your family and maybe oneday ull relize ut was the right decision

114 Name: Angel143 :P : 2011-11-30 02:28 ID:RXjXIzuA

I need help idk if I was raped or not when I was younger..my mom had recently told me that she was when she was 8 and her dad had phisicaly abused her and my grandma all the time..I don't kno who had raped my mom she never had Told me..but she is kind of a trashy person now I used to live with her for awhile but now I live with my gma my mom never did tell her that she was raped but I'm not sure if I was or not I just got the thought that I might have bin at a really younger age because I have always bin terrified at night, I am a cruel person and emo -_-, plus it might explain y I am so messed up in a lot of different ways..there's more reasons then that that I don't want to say..I wish I could remember if I had bin or not it make angry >:(

115 Name: Anonymous : 2011-11-30 12:04 ID:3VLRoc4n

>>114 If you can't remember being raped, then forget about it. Better to address the problems you can see, and really must deal with, rather than look for "fashionable" problems you would like to have had to explain your current misery.

116 Name: tenaciouslydriven : 2011-12-02 09:36 ID:HGQp9NQ6

when I was 6 I was sexually molested by my biological father. He was drunk at the time and if my mom hadn't pulled up, he wouldve penetrated me. Welllater that year, I was molested/raped by an older cousin, he was like 14 at the time. I never said a word. I always kept to myself. Well growing up, I've always been a little effeminate so when those things started happening to me at such an early age, I blamed myself. Well when I was 11, my older brother, 15 held me down and penetrated me, then proceeded to release ( as in urinate ) himself inside of me! I was horrified, but once again, I didn't say anything. I kept to myself.. . . .years went by, me living in hurt, shame, and with no self esteem, I was weighing a whopping 275lbs by the age of 15, I had attempted suicide twice and was on my way to the grave! I was diagnosed with diabetes, high bloop pressure, high cholesterol and all. When I was 16 I had a light stroke at work. And that's when I woke up! And started doing bedda, eating healthier, whatever! Needless to say I lost over 120 lbs. Unfortunately when I was 18 I was raped by this 46 year old an, but by this time I had had enough! I tried to kill his azz! I got tired of being the fuqn victim. . . .god that bothers me! But I'm still here. You have to learn to forgive but you will never forget. Pray and ask God to have mercy on them and to help you ease your mind enuff to the point where you're able to have a conversation without being uncomfortable. You are an adult now, you have control over you, you know what is right and what is wrong. It's what it is, take it or leave it

117 Name: Anonymous : 2011-12-03 21:50 ID:E1VTfhDi

^jesus FUCKIN' christ!!!^
what fucking country does this chick live in??
hhhhhhooooly fuck! that is just about the most FUCKED UP story i've EVER, EVER heard in my entire life!! jesus, jesus, jesus!
i mean wutkinda?

118 Name: Anonymous : 2011-12-03 22:57 ID:o2GHkYe9

>>117 sad to say, could have been any country at all. This is why people should receive early sex education, and be informed on where they can get help if they have this kind of trouble.

119 Name: Chloe : 2011-12-04 06:18 ID:Kkc4oEz2

Okay soo all I wanted to say is that I'm a 14 year old girl who is sexually harrassed by my much older couisn it started out when I was 12 he made me hold hands with him under the blanket while watching a movie when the movie got to a part with sex he put his hand on my inner thigh and squeezed till it bruised then he grab my had and put it to where it was sitting on his erection and forced me to rub it for him well a while after that we went to our beach house and he tried to until my bathing suit and when I was walking pass him to go out side with everyone else he pulled me down on him and started to push his erection into my ass and everytime I tried to get up he would grab my hips rather hard and dig his nails into me to the point I was bleeding and I had to stay there till he jizzed in his pants he is really good friends with my step dad so when I stayed the night at our house when we got back from our beach house well as I was changing he came into my room and bite my neck leaving a mark and he made me suck him off to the point where I was choking on his dick and he keep going and slapped me cause i didn't swallow well it cme back to our next beach trip which was this year and I'm fourteen now and then and he is 31 while we where there he would grab my boobs and pussy and bruise them and he would pull my hair so he can bite my neck and he is always graving my ass and tryin to make me kiss him I really wish I could tell but he just got married and his wife is having a baby and I don't want to ruin his friendship with my dad

120 Name: anonymous : 2011-12-06 01:31 ID:RiTy+r/i

k

121 Name: Anonymous : 2011-12-06 08:40 ID:3VLRoc4n

>I don't want to ruin his friendship with my dad

What twisted line of thought is that? He is the one ruining the friendship by abusing his friend's daughter. He is an adult and fully responsible for his actions AND their consequences, not you.

It's good that you can speak of it in an anonymous board, but if you don't want this to poison your life, you should reach for psychological help. I suggest you call a help hotline specialized in sexual abuse, they will be able to tell you where to go for help in your region. There is much suffering you can avoid if you do that.

Don't worry about what happens to that guy, that's way down the line. For now just take care of yourself. But one thing is certain: never let that guy come into contact with you. And in order for you to manage that, you must get external help so that you know how to proceed in a sane manner. You don't have to solve this problem alone.

122 Name: sum1smom : 2011-12-10 01:47 ID:fhFdyGkv

People who have never been sexually abused cannot understand how it makes a victim of it feel. It makes even intelligent, rational people do things they wouldn't otherwise. I was molested by an older brother when I was 9 and he was 19. I blocked it out for a very long time, but when I was 21, that all changed. I finally told everyone what he had done. You cannot control how other people will react to finding something like this out. My father couldn't believe it. My mother felt guilty and didn't want to believe it. Neither of them ever turned away from my brother. In fact, even after all the other things he has done over the years, my mother lets him live with her because he is such a loser and cannot support himself. He has been to jail a couple of times because he stalks his ex-wife and my mother still looks the other way. It is a "good Christian thing" for her, I think.
I joined the military and got away from that area an now live 1000 miles away from my family. I had 10 brothers and sisters and I only keep in touch with a couple of them on a regular basis. None of my siblings will have anything to do with this brother after all the crap he has done. I just can't be near him in any way.
I have no regrets in ever telling what happened. It is good to tell someone and get it out of your head. That kind of thing eats you up and makes you angry and makes you feel like you are less a person than you are. You have to purge yourself of the secret and move on with you life.
It doesn't matter if you are gay or straight, this is ugly, painful and it can ruin your life to carry it around. There are NO extra points in life for being a martyr. You need to take care of yourself and find the help you need to face overcoming this violation you have gone through.
I have a son who is 13 who is harassed at school and on the bus, and today it turned to sexual harassment. I will not stand for it. No good parent should, but sometimes parents are haunted by their own demons and don't know how to handle a monster like this for their child, so they hide their heads in the sand and hope it will go away.
If you parent loves you, they will fight for you. If they can't, find someone who will. Go tell your teacher, a friend's parent, a police officer, whoever you can get to listen so it can end if it is happening now. And if it happened in the past, talk to a healthcare person and get the help you need to recover. There is hope for you to be the person you deserve to be, but holding it in will not let you do that.
"The truth shall set you free" and I know from experience, this is truth in itself.

123 Name: action now : 2011-12-18 00:40 ID:cIsJ23ti

Right! There are 7 BILLION people on this planet. All of them had a mother and a father, whether they know them or not. Abuse comes in many shapes and sizes and order of severity, when you are faced with incestual abuse, you are made to suffer in the same way as a political prisoner or a citizen of a corrupt regime: you live in constant fear and self doubt. I know as for me my incest story is 30 years old and only in the last 2yrs have I forced a situation whereby my abuser and I do not see each other, for the sake of my mental health. We have talked on the subject, I know his grief and guilt is true and I still care for him. However, and this is my advice: I am not that badly off: there are people who suffer much greater extremes of abuse, those poor street kids in India, Congo, Sierra Leone, poor women in Afghanistan, I could go on for pages but I am lucky to be able to walk away from the past. I feel for all those people who have suffered or are still suffering at the hands of the lies abusers use to manipulate. I understand. It is only 30yrs after the fact that I am strong enough to rationalise. Yet I have met children with much stronger convictions than myself, because they learnt one thing earlier than I did: there is nothing you can do to change the past, but your present is yours as is the future. If you are still being abused, talk to someone trustworthy: there are plenty of confidential ways of doing this. Do not confront your abuser directly, abuse can
get worse! If it is ritual abuse then you may have to involve the authorities as any abuser who repeats the abuse is not just a danger to you but others also, but most importantly do not suffer in silence - it WILL scar you for life if you cannot write it off and move on. Be brave, you will be amazed at what you are capable of. It is very hard on loved ones, if it is a close family situation. I have hurt my mother a great deal by telling her last year, in many ways I wish I hadn't. I know I did it to feel vindicated, but it just hurt her and causes more awkwardness: I still get asked why I don't want to go to family occassions - so am painted as an outcast, obviously my
mother and I don't want to make a bad situation worse. The abuse was 30yrs ago between children, it is over and not worth the aggro: friends and family have been born and died in that time. Just because I have deep seated resentment/envy/vengefulness doesn't mean I need be a prick and pathetic by tearing people's lives apart now. So! What I'm saying is get some
perspective, if it's serious get help, if you are locked in a family situation, tell someone outside the family. Build up YOUR support network and be prepared to cut off your family. It IS hard, but you only have one life - don't spend 1/2 of it being bitter as I have, deal with it, move on, don't do it others. Lastly, to those detailing their experiences on this page, remember abusers may read this as well as victims / survivors, don't give them the fuel they require to continue, be vague about details and concise about your problem. To all fellow survivors, my love and hope, you CAN be happy I promise. To all those abusers and abusive posters, fuck you and die, make some space for nicer people on or little planet.

124 Name: patrick : 2011-12-20 13:10 ID:FbtZ/8JO

Hello my friend, I just wanted to say that my story is exactly the same as yours. The only difference is I am 44 years old, and I have managed to find a way to move on with my life. I was 11 when this started happening, and my brother is two years old me. I am a gay man, and I'm sure that this has nothing to do with my brother. My reckless behavior, I now realize has little to do with what happened when I was 11. And my hatred for my older brother has subsided a little bit, but I realize it is mostly because he is a jerk. It has very little to do with being masturbated and come upon when I was a kid. I was a rather horny kid, and while what happened freaked me out, I found out that sexual experimentation was going down among my friends in a very similar fashion. I have little doubt that you were traumatized, but I suspect that your problems that are much larger, and also stemmed from societal intolerance of people of our type. I have been seeing a psychiatrist, which is not cheap. But it has proved helpful. And I see now that my brother has problems of his own. I don't know if he remembers what happened, but I forgive him for it. The problems I had had in my life, can not even nearly be blamed on him. I spoke with my psychologist about saying something, and I realized that not only would it not help me, but it would hurt so many other people. But I'm not going to tell you that you should not pursue whatever roads bring you to good mental health. Perhaps a confrontation just between you and your brother would help, but I'm guessing it would bring you more pain, because I doubt he will understand why you were digging up something from so far in the past. He will likely only see it as an attack on him. I can almost guarantee you that your parents will not see this in the same light that you do. Because they love both of you and cannot be expected to change because of what you tell them. Is this fair? You know it is not. I think that if you look at your history of insecurity, you may find that there's a lot more to this than just those childhood events. We are made up of all the things that happened to us in our lives, the good and the bad. Much of your behavior reflects poor self esteem, I am the king of that behavior, I am lucky that I do not have AIDS. I went through many years of very reckless sexual behavior, as well as drinking and drug abuse, trying to escape who it is that I am. But no matter how hard you try, you are still you. And it is my opinion that you are a valid and beautiful person. It is your actions from this day forth that will help determine the kind of person that you are, and the kind of person that you want to be.... If acceptance from the people around you is what you desire, then you must be accepting of the people around you for who and what they are, and I know that is a big pill to swallow, a really big pill to swallow! (continued next post)

125 Name: patrick : 2011-12-20 13:13 ID:FbtZ/8JO

(continued) But I suspect that you will find your true character, when you start to think outside yourself, and it starts to see how much beauty is around us if we choose to see it. I have been able to deal with my family, by learning to understand their own pain and their shortfalls, which are many. Has this brought me solace? Yes, to some degree. You are at a very transitional age right now, no longer a child, you are entering the crux of your manhood. I know one important thing for me, was to reach out to people in the gay community and hear their stories. Some were abused by others, some were terribly abused by their own insecurity. Our own insecurity leads to actions that we often regret later in life, you are very fortunate to still have your health despite your behaviors. You will find many in the gay community would do not have that luxury. Be kind, and thoughtful, when you tell your story to these people because many of them have been through much worse, and yet they are much stronger people because of it, even those who live with disease consider themselves much stronger as human beings. Draw your strength from sharing and communicating, and loving these people..... They are reflections of you and me. I hope what I have said can be of some help to you, I still have times of loneliness and pain, but I do not linger in them, I get up and I go out and I have contact with other people, sometimes in a 12 step group(and I know that probably sounds corny to you, but it's a great place to share your problems, and in sharing your problems you would help other people.... And what a fantastic healing feeling, that comes to ...) Sometimes I go to the local LGBT community center, and I asked what I can do to help. Sometimes they make me clean the floors...lol, but I'm so glad to do it, they have given the love whether they know it or not. The best healing I have found, is in helping to heal others... Sometimes that happens with just a few kind words, more often it happens by listening to the pain and joys of others.... It may sound corny but trust me on this, it took awhile but it has been my miracle. And this is what I wish for you... if you need to contact me i have created a new email addy so you can contact me, i will use my middle name, as i do in Group setting. so here it is- farmer.ok@aol.com if you need to chat ok bro?

126 Name: anon : 2011-12-20 22:39 ID:vF4GGV7F

I had been through the same things you've been through from the ages of 4-12. I am now 17 and you need to tell your parents. You have it bottled up inside of you and you don't know it but it is eating at you everyday. You need to let someone know, they will understand you over anything. My mom also went through the same situations and she's in therapy for it right now. Dealing with it is so hard, but it will pay off in the end, I promise.

127 Name: anonymous : 2012-01-09 16:24 ID:qSWQcwy6

Listen I was recently sexually molested by my brother i am now in counseling for bout 3 weeks now and have forgiven my brother maybe you should try to do the same. i was 12 he was 17 . i know its hard i've had expierence but it does get better some take more time to heal then others do

128 Name: Bob : 2012-01-13 17:52 ID:EIChJDNd

Maybe he thought you where a girl? Use both where young and people do stupid things when they are young, When young animals are born brother or sisters they will try the same...We are actually animals until we grow a few brain cells.

129 Name: Cinthya : 2012-01-15 01:15 ID:jj20yCC1

What happened to you was tragic. No matter how difficult it may be, the first thing you must do is expose your brother's true colors. Tell them the TRUTH. Why should people think of you negatively when it was your brother who was doing you wrong? Tell your family what he did and keep in mind that they may not believe you.

They will deny it. Your family will not believe you (at first). They may even hate you, believing that you will go so far as to "invent" such a horrible lie about your own brother.

But you know the truth. Tell them that you are worried about your little sister. Tell them that if she starts acting the same way as you did when you were a child than they probably know why. They can't say you didn't warn them. They will have no one to blame but themselves. You will feel more guilty if you don't say anything.

I feel strongly about this because it is often someone in your family who ends up sexually harassing your loved ones.

After you have said all that needed to be said, move on. The beautiful thing about life is that the world keeps turning, the clock keeps ticking and life goes on. Your past doesn't define who you are, it is your future that counts. Who are you now? Who will you be? Whom will you become?

Stay positive and I give you my best wishes.

130 Name: Anonymous : 2012-01-17 15:31 ID:HMlhdJt2

Never let anyone abuse anyone and just get away with it! That's not right man! I was abused when I was 12 and my brother-in-law was 23. I said something the next year and found out he had raped my sister too...luckily because I said something it stopped. Don't worry about if it will mess his life up, it's his fault! Your parents would probably rather that you do tell them! I'm a 21 year old guy and I am straight as a board and free of sexual abuse!

131 Name: Ur_a_fag : 2012-01-22 00:52 ID:F7oZEbQS

LOOL U GUYS HAVE NO LIFE TALKING ON THIS CHATROOM. Nice job geting molested. Gay fags. LOL

132 Name: Warfare : 2012-01-30 16:27 ID:XbKXPCjY

Hey...Today I Discovered That My Girlfiend's Brother Molested And Raped Her Since She Was 8 Up Until She Was 14... I'm Really Worried About Her Because She Told Me Today And She Claims To Be Okay but I Can Tell She's Lying...And After Reading Your Guys' Posts I Know That She's Not Okay...Her Dad Asked Her Whats Going On And She Told Him About Everything...She Was Also Raped Repeatedly By Her BRother's Friends...I Know It's Not The Right Path To Follow But I'm Hunting Them Down And Beating Them Savegely For Each Second That Hurt Her... Her Brother Is Next On The List And I Think That He Deserves It... Everybody That Does This Kind Of Shit Should Go Straight To Hell! I Belong There Aswell, I Used To Do It And I Can Tell You Guys...I've Never Forgiven Myelf For Screwing Up Those Poor Girls' Lives, I Probally Never Will And I Deserve That. Im 18 Now, My Girlfriend Is 16 And I Dont Know...I Want To Take Her Away And Keep Her Safe, But First Im Going To Kill Her Brother... thanx For Starting This Amazing Chat Room♥♥

133 Name: fag fuk u hahahaha : 2012-01-31 06:19 ID:aPmoqxuS

hey you are a faggot for getting raped, and a pussy, and a bitch, you're retarded and no one likes you and you are fucked up in the head already, evenBEFORE you got raped, you p9iece of shit, go kill yourself homo piece of queer shit

hahahahaha i laugh @ u u gay homo fag peice of queen queer shit dumbass

suck another cock homo bitch

get raped again i bet u luuuv it nigger

134 Name: trust123 : 2012-01-31 22:37 ID:FRjnNsGO

I cant stop crying reeding this post. my heart goes out to all of you who have suffered through this. I have never been molested but i just found out that my boyfriend of 3 years was molested by a teacher when he was only 5 years old. at 28 y/o he is unable to speak about. The worse part is that he then molested and raped his own sister when he was 13 y/o and until 17.... His sister was only 8 and abuse stopped when she was 12 (so when on for 4 long painful years). i am ignorant about this topic but i think a 13y/o and i know a 17 y/o knows what the fuck he is doing? sorry i am so angry, so disappointed, literally my stomach turns.
He said it started like a game, like sexual exploration and gradually turned into imitating porn and eventually rape because she would cry and ask him to stop =.( He then moved out to go to college and came back to asked for her forgiveness at age 18 after lots of prayer, remorse, guilt, and what appears to be a period of depression he asked for her forgiveness. he claim to me that his sister forgave him years ago, when she was 13 and they moved on. they seam so "normal" and healthy. i have gone on vacations with them and family reunions and would not imagine in a million years anything. aside from birthday cards, normal communication in facebook. last week she send him a msg saying "God loves you and i do too big bro". i don't understand... is it even possible? He did not have to tell me, i would have never found out but he wants to marry me and wanted to be honest with me. as victims do you think he can he still be a normal person and have done such horrible thing? I immediately got him a therapist and he stated weekly sessions. but i am afraid of him and what he could do to me or to our unborn children one day. am i asking for it if i don't run from him as fast as possible? this person i loved turned into a monster in front of my eyes. do people like that do it again and again? are there any books that can help me cope with this? thanks....

135 Post deleted.

136 Name: very sad : 2012-02-03 02:15 ID:oj7Gz8Zq

I molested my 5 year old sister when I was 15 (no penetration and she was not sad at that time, she wanted it when I was sober, but I did not) She has now told both my parents(3 months agoe), wich I think is good. It happened 2-3 times when I was taking strong drugs like amfetamin and cocain.. She is now 18 and is not speaking with me and dosent want to meet me. But for 13 years we had a really good relationship. But now its lost. I have been there for all of them and made my best to support them in this disaster. Every time my mother is talking to me she mentions how bad my sister feels. What can I do? I just cant sleep, think and just laying and shaking and sweating and feeling so bad. I would like to die but dont have the courage. I have stopt with drugs for 10 years, but now i smoke weed again just to keep me alive. Not to think of the pain I caused here. Why the hell did I do it?! I have been sexually ofended by a 3 year older boy when I was 7 and I had a really messed up life from start. But Its not an excuse for what I did. I want to suffer and I just want to leave everything in scandinavia. Leave my fiance who I told what I did. She wants a baby, but I cant do it... not that Im afraid that I would molest it but just that I dont deserve it and what others might think of me....

137 Name: Anonymous : 2012-02-03 15:29 ID:3VLRoc4n

>>136 you should seek counseling, so that you can start to deal with your traumas in a responsible manner. When you have cancer, you go to a doctor to fix you up, you do not stay at home wailing about how unfair life is. It is the same in this case: be responsible and seriously take care of the problems that plague you. You cannot expect your sister to forgive you if you do not take concrete steps to fix yourself, instead of just "feeling sorry". Also, it is not fair to your partner that you "punish" yourself as some kind of "pay back". Nobody needs payback, what everybody needs is some real therapy.

What happened is sad, and you are a victim and an aggressor. But what matters now is how you deal with the fallout. Will you keep weeping in an apathetic and childish way, or will you seriously address your problems by requesting professional help?

138 Name: Lynnea Mae McConnell : 2012-02-08 19:49 ID:bm/gjxx4

I am a 27 white female-
My older brother from the age of me 6 to 14 he sexually tortured and molested me.
To this day it haunts me- it kills my smile when he comes around-BUT I had to forgive him- he took from me that was not for his taking-for years I was scared and felt like it was my fault- IT is NOT- Counseling helps-but you need to sit down with your brother and have some kind of peace about it.
My brother is sick and I knew this- I knew then and know now that he needs help always so this does not happen again-
You are 28- don't be scared anymore- I know home is comfort zone..but he is no longer able to hurt you and that is where you need to move on...and Emotionally- you became mature at age 9 when he started...our emotional levels go up when molested by a family member for years- I'm not a Dr and did not read that anywhere-but it is true .
Good Luck in Life- it has more to offer than looking back and reopening that "box"

139 Name: Stopitsicko : 2012-02-09 18:19 ID:2ELnShlf

you should definitely tell your family! all of you people telling him to just move on have no idea how easier said than done that is, not to mention, ignorant. There is foregiveness of yourself,accepting reality of all things,NEVER forgetting(not by choice, but by persistant trauma),dealing with sexual,emotional confusion beccause your entire perception of two is completely destorted and missplaced cuz u learn each role differentlyand earlier in life tha. Most. Also, there is the facts. Abusers repeat patterns, either on themselves with self abuse or too others, enabling the sickness. It is completely irresponsible and destructive to let even the possibility of this behavior to repeat itself, and keepibg silent about it, is only enabling it. Sexuality is learned behavior. sexual abuse or incestual sexual abuse is NOT OK. Abuse is not invited, wht are u telling him to get passed it as if its a roadblock that somehow just shows you a detour to a path you dont get to choose! I belive you should blow the lid off that bucket of denial and lies. Free yourself, soeak out for justice, u didnt have a choice of control then but you do now! Stop THE CIRCLE,BREAK THE PATTERN AND GET YOUR JUSTICE!!!

140 Name: Stopitsicko : 2012-02-09 18:26 ID:2ELnShlf

you should definitely tell your family! all of you people telling him to just move on have no idea how easier said than done that is, not to mention, ignorant. There is foregiveness of yourself,accepting reality of all things,NEVER forgetting(not by choice, but by persistant trauma),dealing with sexual,emotional confusion beccause your entire perception of two is completely destorted and missplaced cuz u learn each role differentlyand earlier in life tha. Most. Also, there is the facts. Abusers repeat patterns, either on themselves with self abuse or too others, enabling the sickness. It is completely irresponsible and destructive to let even the possibility of this behavior to repeat itself, and keepibg silent about it, is only enabling it. Sexuality is learned behavior. sexual abuse or incestual sexual abuse is NOT OK. Abuse is not invited, wht are u telling him to get passed it as if its a roadblock that somehow just shows you a detour to a path you dont get to choose! I belive you should blow the lid off that bucket of denial and lies. Free yourself, soeak out for justice, u didnt have a choice of control then but you do now! Stop THE CIRCLE,BREAK THE PATTERN AND GET YOUR JUSTICE!!!

141 Name: kate : 2012-02-13 15:25 ID:Jx/lQzWT

know how you feel but my mother is on my brothers side so im living it all alone. It hurts

142 Name: Charlene De Gama : 2012-02-22 12:02 ID:zzJldYcU

I come from an under priveledged back ground, both my parents were alcoholics and often had open sex in the presence of my older brother and I. My brother started by rubbing my pubis area and massaging my thigs.He would come to my bed and I would pretend as if I'm asleep while he masturbated me.He would allow me to climax and then he would go back into his bed.I felt good and he penetrated me a few times with my consent. I don't know what or how I felt at the time but accused him of molestation once and I regretted it because he turned his back on me.I love him dearly and he loves me and we still talk openly about our spouses.Currently I have had sexuall urges for him because my husband's penis is the size of my little pinky and my brother is very well hung. My brother would do anything for me and my children whom I have had from a previous relationship.I'm scared to lose him because he means the world to me and would even go to the extent of not taking any cognisance if his wife had to say anything against me.

143 Name: watami : 2012-02-23 16:19 ID:g3je34rI

LOVE^^

144 Name: Sleepless in Brooklyn : 2012-02-26 05:30 ID:l8wrH3Nf

If you were thinking of telling your family about past abuse - wait. I did and no one is talking to me any more. They don't believe it happened and they just think I am a troublemaker.

145 Name: Bethere : 2012-06-15 14:44 ID:RPuGurdZ

I have been through this. It took me a long time to admit to myself that I wasn't the sick and crazy one. I struggled, and I still struggle. But I am stronger, and more confident than I ever thought possible. I was lucky, I had a friend I could trust, i told her first. It felt so good to have that secret off my chest, and someone who could hear. From there I went to a psychologist. Best decision of my life. I have also been on medication to help me through the depression, and I am doing so much better. I have a career, I have a house, I am a good person. I refuse to let what he did to me, ruin me. I hope that you can find some professional resources to help you as well. Someone who has NOT experienced this, will never know. The shame, the guilt, the pain that we have had to live with. Seeing your abuser regularily and having to pretend they don't make you want to vomit, is much too much for many - BUT REMIND YOURSELF - you made it through. You are not to blame. It was not your fault! You deserve to be happy. I have made the choice that I will never confront my brother, but that only came after a lot of therapy, a lot of self reflection. To me, there is nothing he can say or do to take it away, so for me, it won't give me peace. Knowing that I am so much better than him, and that I am a survivor, is what I focus on. My friends , and family, those that I have a healthy relationship, are what matters. You need to LIVE PAST AND BEYOND what happened. The abuse is not who you are, it is only a piece of what you overcame! Learn to love and trust yourself again. Ignore those that are too ignorant to understand. REmember: 'Be who you are, say what you feel. Those that matter won't mind. Those that do, don't matter' All the best wishes in your quest for peace, self acceptance and contentment. You deserve it. >>60

146 Name: Katie : 2012-07-06 03:05 ID:yeLSUKxi

My brother sexually abused me when I was 12 years old. I am still only a teen and I can definitely relate to what your going through. I'm still struggling with the emotional toll it has taken on me. I'm planning on telling my therapist I have recently been going to (for other reasons) about what has happened to me. Even though this was a long time ago, I completely agree that you should tell someone about what has happened to you. Even though this has happened to you, you deserve to be happy and fulfill your dreams. Forget about all those people in the word who say mean things, torment others just to make themselves feel better, and hurt others because they have a problem with themselves. I hope you can (or already have) gotten through this and are working your hardest to over come the emotion parts of this.
Wishing you the best in life along with happiness and peace,
Katie

147 Name: Katie : 2012-07-06 03:07 ID:yeLSUKxi

Sorry for my grammar and spelling errors...

148 Name: Anonymous : 2012-07-11 19:22 ID:qRy5dzHD

>>146
How will getting him into trouble help you? It won't, you can't modify the past. All you're going to do is hurt someone, someone who has issues controlling themselves. It's likely that he's already hurt himself, why throw more onto him over something so small? If it wasn't for society you wouldn't even be emotionally "damaged" by the so called "sexual abuse" that took place in the past.

149 Name: Becky. : 2012-08-10 05:40 ID:PN4qVV2f

I, too, was molested by my older brother. It started when I was 11 years old. He'd of been, 14 years old. It started out as just simple "touching" and "feeling" around my body. Poking around. I just thought to myself that all boys will do it at some point, because their curiousity would get the better of them. Boy, I should've prepared myself for what happened next. Being only 11, I assumed it was a one time thing. I didn't think much of it, then it got much worse. He'd start forcing me into corners, and humping me... O_O
He would try to put his hands down my pants, and in my shirt. He'd say dumbass shit like, "I like the flowers on your shirt," just so he could feel me up. He literally did it ANY chance he got. Meaning, when my parents were turned away. It happened for four years. Up until about two weeks ago, actually. I JUST told my parents what he's been doing. I only told them a fraction of the truth. I told them that he's been touching me, and feeling me. I didn't tell them that he's been putting his mouth on my personal areas, or humping and grinding on me against the wall. I know I need to, soon. They sent him to therapy, which I thought was the stupidest idea ever. What? Show him that it's wrong and case closed? No. His ass should be locked up. Then, they go about their day like nothing happened, and like he's a perfect little angel. At least they don't leave me alone here with him anymore. Thank God. But still, it's hard. I've been wanting to kill myself for quite some time. Hopefully, I'll seek the right help for that. Time to go tell my parents the truth. Good luck to you. I hope you make it out there. :)

150 Name: Anonymous : 2012-08-14 07:36 ID:goaNAGTm

I accidentally touched my younger sister's boob once; I hope she's not emotionally scarred.

151 Name: Guilt Ridden Brother : 2012-08-23 06:24 ID:Q+aBPHoh

I'll apologize in advance for the long post, but I am bearing my soul, and sharing this for the first time.

When I was a young, curious, confused teenager (prolly 15 or so, maybe a bit older) I made the mistake of letting my curiosity get the better of me. Twice I felt my younger (by 2 years) sister's vagina in her sleep. I sort of touched around, by the opening and a little bit in the first time, but not the second (like to your first knuckle from completely outside, but she was still a virgin, and I don't think i was doing it right anyway, so i wonder if it was even penetration). I never tried to give her pleasure, to kiss, or to lick, never touched her clit, and I never jerked off or even played with my penis or touched her with it. The second time, she woke up and said "gross". I feigned starting awake from her response and asked what woke her, to which she just went right back to sleep.

Perhaps a year or two prior, we had both been curious about the other sex's body, so we would innocently show each other and do the same with our 2 best friends. Puberty makes kids do silly things. I did notice that she shied away from it first. Actually, we were pretty open with each other about our private parts as children, and didn't really see anything wrong with running around the house naked.

I am 24 now, and I have ever since been filled with guilt and regret over the whole situation. What made it worse was that both times were when we were sharing a bed on vacation. I feel like I have totally failed her and violated her trust - as a big brother, family member, and a friend - and have sullied the sibling bond.

I don't know if she remembers any of it, or how it's affected her; we'd always had a strained relationship as kids and I thought she didn't like me anyway before that, so any negative emotion was not particularly new. She has never confronted or talked to me about any of it.

We're both adults and graduated from college now, and it seems the our relationship has turned a total 180 in the past two years. I am very happy to get to connect with my sister and have a positive, mutual, respectful relationship with her that we've never had before. However, this incident lingers in the back of my mind always, and I feel like such a horrible person, brother, and man for doing it in the first place and for having never owned up to it and apologized to her. I have been working myself up to it and just putting it into the open with her.

I don't know what would happen because of that. I would not hope for forgiveness, but only an understanding that, curious teenage boy i may have been, I know what I did was wrong and am truly from the depths of my soul sorry for what I've done and how it might have affected her; that I've been truly sorry from the moment it happened; that, despite our strained childhood, i always wanted deep down for her to be my best friend; that I have always worried for her and loved her.

I don't know how sufficient this is, and I won't speculate to, as in the end, the judgement belongs to her and her alone. All I want to do is clear the air between us, to let the truth be told, to accept responsibility for my actions, and for the both of us to be able to move forward in life on higher ground. Of course, I want to keep my sister and our new mature relationship, and so I hope that she concludes that my self now is much different and truer than the me who did this to her in utter confusion and curiosity, but that is not my decision to make.

Make what you will of this, I do not mind. It has torn me apart for the last decade (? I honestly can't recall a date when it happened), and putting it into words has to be the first step towards admitting my faults and righting my wrongs to her.

152 Name: moot!Ep8pui8Vw2 : 2012-08-28 12:18 ID:BAbMqPGf

They're pretty cool.

153 Name: moot!Ep8pui8Vw2 : 2012-08-28 12:19 ID:BAbMqPGf

shit guys, sorry, i thought I was replying to the thread about indians.

154 Name: Britt : 2012-10-19 21:08 ID:7T49H7sB

Mine is also a little long...
My little sister and I were also touched by our older brother. He is about 2 years older, and she is about 2 years younger.

I don't remember how old I was. 8, 11, I'm not sure. But I was young.
It usually happened in the form of a "game." A few times, when my parents were away, he had this game where the first person to make any sound had to take a piece of clothes off. In the end all 3 of us would be naked. I don't know if it happened the first time or not but eventually he touched us and had us touch him.
Being so young and stupid, the game seemed weird but I didn't know how wrong it was.

He also tried to get us to watch porn. I think that's the very first thing that happened. We found old porn in the attic and he turned it on. He would watch stuff on the computer in the living room when it was just us.

One day at a get-together with some of my parents friends, they had kids around our age. A boy my age, a girl my sister's age and another girl who was probably 5. Just to be silly we played 5 minutes of heaven. Everyone pretty much just sat in the dark in a closet for 5 minutes, no one even attempted to touch me any of the times. Kissing only happened when we played Truth or Dare, and that's the most that happened. I was distracted one of the times my brother was in there, but the other kids decided to play a joke and open the closet door early. Everyone says the girl he was with had her pants down. My sister swears to it to this day. The girl he was in there with was the 5 year old girl. I wonder to this day, and feel horrified about it.

My brother also pulled other boys into it. Back then my brother was the one I looked up to, before I realized what he had been doing. Once I wanted to hang out with him and his friends. He told me that in order to get into their guys club I had to let one of them touch his penis to my vagina. The boy was also young, a year younger than me. It only touched, didn't do any more than that, I wonder if it bothers him now, or if he remembers it?

He also humped me a few times. Once he was naked and I ran away and he chased me into my parent's room. I jumped into the covers and wrapped myself up really tight so he couldn't get me, and he just humped me through the blankets. He stopped doing things like this as I got older, but he would do things to my sister, like grab her boob. He did this once, right in the kitchen when my mom was right there with her back turned.

I am 23 now. I'm engaged and have gotten through alot with him. He knows about what happened to me back then, but it still causes problems sometimes.
My sister went through some really hard times. In middle school and early high school she did alot of bad things. She hated my dad and he thought she was a spoiled brat. I don't know what age we were when we started talking to eachother about what happened back then. Us being able to talk about it helped both of us alot, but we still haven't told our parents or confronted our brother about what happened. My brother is a bit of a shut-in now. He plays video games most of the time. I think it bothers him too, but I'm not sure.

I know some day I will have to say something. I want my brother to get help. He needs help, but I haven't been able to tell my parents. I don't know how to.

155 Name: anonymous : 2013-12-16 22:54 ID:Bcib2Hi1

You're a piece of shit for telling him he should commit suicide and that he's a fag. What does it make his brother for molested him, I think what.needs to happen is you need to commit suicide for saying that. I had the same thing happen to me, this guys story is close to mine, but people accept my.brother.like he's somebody that's worthy of respect, and look at me like I'm a piece of shit for trying to seek help for the rage and anger I have inside toward him, it crippled me for years, the hypocrisy that people have made me hateful there were times I planner to commit murder, but god saves me right when I need him, every time I need him , and I'm not gay, I encourage the guy who posted this to be strong and be aggressive toward people who challenge you any Christians who tell you you're going to hell I would slap the fuck out of them, especially.if they are Christians who know you're.brother and he's going in o heaven.or treat him like he has a.legitimate chance of going, be strong and don't give up, never give up, at least you can stand before god and tell.him your service for him was that you didn't commit suicide.

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