So, I'm supposed to be going out to eat with a girl I'm into (unfortunately, I think it's more a friends going out to eat thing than a date) this weekend.
Due to me being a loner for the majority of my life, I'm still not a great conversationalist (and I inherently love listening to others talk, making me somewhat boring). I'm sort of new to the whole "social" thing, you see.
So I fear that I might bore her if there is too much uncomfortable silence, which would be bad (because who wants to go out with a boring person?). There is, after all, a whole lot of sitting and waiting at a restaurant. Whenever I go out to eat with family ot friends, I end up sitting there while everyone else has a good time and talks about what they've done recently (which is a problem for me because I never have anything to talk about).
At this point you probably would like me to get to the point, so: HOW DO I KEEP HER INTERESTED? I've actually been out to eat with her and a friend before, and I recall our friend going to the bathroom and there being uncomfortable silence, so I started looking at the menu and commenting on what looked good (this method works for only a few minutes, though; long enough for a friend to make a bathroom trip :D).
Yes, I have self-esteem issues.
> going out to eat with a girl
> I inherently love listening to others talk
Most women love to hear themselves talk, just keep her yapping and you're home free.
Ask open-ended questions (not about past relationships or anything taboo), not anything that can be answered 'Yes' or 'No'. Don't talk about anything too masculine or geeky. Start off with small things, and go from there.
What is taboo? Religion, politics, eroge, anything else?
>>3
Besides your last bowel movement, not much else? Depends on the person really.
other things unrelated to conversation:
>flattery never hurts, as long as it at least sounds sincere.
I am a girl, and i hate being flattered, but i guess thats just me.
>>6
Complementing her new jeans/haircut/shoes brightens the day of any girl I've met.
Perhaps you have low self-esteem or are just too wise to fall for it.
>Besides your last bowel movement
My friends and I occasionally talk about when we're out at a restaurant. I'm sure the other nearby customers just love us when we do.
>>7 i would say both unfortunately. i am too wise to have a low self esteem, but i still do, thing is, i can hide it well, and act like i have a high self esteem.
But i agree in any case, complementing any girl will brighten a girls day.
>Most women love to hear themselves talk, just keep her yapping and you're home free.
Oh really? I've never noticed that about girls. She is sort of talkative, but I'd still like to contribute to the conversation. Can you give me some suggestions?
>Ask open-ended questions (not about past relationships or anything taboo), not anything that can be answered 'Yes' or 'No'. Don't talk about anything too masculine or geeky. Start off with small things, and go from there.
She's sort of a tomboy (cutie!) so I don't think there's as many taboo things as with other girls (or am I mistaken?).
And she's also kind of geeky. :P
>have money. spend it on her
Is that okay to do if we aren't going out? I'm still not sure about the status of the relationship. If she wants to strickly be friends, paying for dinner might be weird.
>Complementing her new jeans/haircut/shoes brightens the day of any girl I've met.
Will do. I'm pretty good at compliments, I suppose. And there's much to compliment her on : )
Also, to start a topic within a topic, how do you tell if a girl is interested in you romanitcally or not? I'm really bad a reading body language and facial expressions (once again, I'm not used to social interaction). I know smile=good :P
>>10
If she's kind of geeky, geeky subjects are totally fine but try to limit conversation to geeky things she UNDERSTANDS. Perhaps the most awkward conversations I've had with slightly geeky guys are when they really get deeply into the topic of their fascination (be that anime, gaming, whatever) and it goes over my head. If you want to keep her engaged be sure to talk about things that interest her too. If you want to tell her some neat fact about a subject she's unfamiliar with, be sure to explain things nice and concisely. Things to avoid, though:
-Talking in memes
-Stealing corny lines from anime/manga/video games/etc. Be REAL and sincere.
-Talking about prior relationships. No matter how tomboyish she may be, those're still taboo. My boyfriend didn't get all the details about some of my past relationships until similar situations came up in our own (relationship).
>>7 Seconded; flattery DOES work. You mentioned the girl's tomboyish? Just because she may not be the girliest, most feminine doesn't mean she absolutely does not care about her appearance or how others perceive her. Keep it positive. If you especially like a piece of jewelry or clothing she's wearing, compliment it. Not only will it make her day, there may also be a story behind it that could make interesting fodder for discussion.
Lastly, as far as the money thing goes, I don't think it's necessary to buy her a gift or dinner. However, if you go out for ice cream or coffee or something later, definitely offer to pay. She'll appreciate the gesture even if she doesn't accept the payment.
Thanks, >>12. A woman's advice is always best :P
Luckly, I not a creeper, so I won't be talkin' in memes and whatnot. And she definitely cares about here appearence, and I know she loves the compliments :D
She's buys the cutest clothes ever, so hopefully she'll wear something new (or wear something she bought with me, so we can reminicse and whatnot).
But we still haven't confirmed a day yet, so I'll keep y'all posted.
Oh, and I still need help with what I said in >>11.
SOS!
She's out of town this weekend. And I might be busy the next. Hopefully we can make this thing work some time this week. I really would like to see her :(
Just wanna re-iterate >>12's point about not talking about your previous relationships. Directed more as advice to guys generally rather than just OP. Talking about ex's gives two signals to the girl:
If you want to do the latter, as an attempt to stir her feelings for you, this is the worst way to go about it. I've had it done to me quite a few times. Granted, it did stir a few feelings, but the wrong ones. Girls are better than guys at mind games, and she will most likely see through your tactics and think you're a total lamer. There's a fine line between hurting her feelings (revenge jealously) and the type of jealously that makes her want you more.