So I got home in the afternoon from work and I was exremely tired. I went straight to bed and woke up around midnight to find my mother crying. It turns out that she noticed my younger sister had been having what appeared to be vision problems earlier that day. My mom noticed she was closing her eyes as if they were irritated and she was sort of cringing. A doctors appointment was made and we were told it was due to stress.
My sister lived with me until she was six and she stayed in another country with an aunt of mine and came back here when she was eight years old. During her stay overseas she was scolded by my aunt very harshly for not being obedient. Often my aunt would make her stay in the basement, shake or spank her. Of course I was upset but my mother told me it could not be helped as right now my aunt was "going out of her way" to help her. My mother was very upset but not much could be done.
After my sister came back she was different in so many ways. The smallest inconvieniences would make her extremely upset. She would hit walls and grind her teeth. If she had problems with homework she would cry and hit herself. My younger sister who used to be outgoing, playful, and innocent became foul tempered and troubled. I was upset at my mom for not trying her best to bring my sister back home and I was upset and my ignorant aunt.
To make matters worse? my aunt that took care of her has now immigrated to my country and what does my family expect of me? To treat her as if nothing happened, as if she never changed my sister for the worst. What am I suppose to do?
Speak your mind and tell her what she's done. She has to know. It might hurt her and your mom but keeping her in the dark about it will be more destructive in the long run.
Why did your sister go live with her?
I agree with >>2. Your aunt sounds horrible, she should at least be made to feel guilty about what she's done.
Talk to your sister about what happened, make her feel better and make sure she knows that at least you don't think what happened was right. And do tell your Aunt she was wrong, and if she tries to do anything like that again be sure to scold her. Give your sister support, and your aunt contempt.
Make your sister talk about things instead of grinding her teeth. Help her to let it out and show her there is no need for anger.
My advice would be to talk to your aunt about what she did, then stop dealing with her altogether if she thinks what she did was right. Someone like that should not be a part of your life or your family.
As for your sister, you need to support her in every way that you can to make her change her habits. She'd been abused and the only way to get her to not become so upset is to show her kindness and being gentle with her. I also seriously advise that you keep your sister away from your aunt to avoid further traumatizing her.
I'd have to agree with 6.
Keep your sister away from your aunt at all cost.
If you keep assuring her that it's safe at your place, that she can be happy and easy as before, that she isn't required to be perfect, etc, she will in time (although this might actually take some years) open herself to her old self.
That is, if she isn't traumatized more.
So keep her safe from her aunt.
I understand that many children have their basic personality "disorders" somewhat attained by age seven, so it's possible that your sister might have been deeply affected by trauma at that age, though I don't know what kind of trauma that might be, or what kind of behavior she is exhibiting now. But if you think she might be seriously troubled (your sister) and it's negatively impacting her life, consider visiting a child psychologist.
Get your sister some good old-fashioned psychotherapy. The damage has been done; the important thing now is to treat it before she gets to the teenage years and gets stuck on the emotional roller-coaster of sudden hormone changes.
Also, keep her (and yourself) away from the aunt. I'm not sure exactly how you know that all this stuff took place overseas (and if you're not sure, then get sure before you do anything you'll regret), but being around her is only going to bring back bad memories for your sister. If your family ever goes to see her, offer to stay at home and babysit; if you are forced to allow them to meet (and when I say forced, they damn well better have needed to pry you away from the door with a crowbar; this is serious business), stick close to your sister and prevent any physical contact whatsoever. If you think being a dick to your aunt might cause a falling-out between her and your family and prevent any future meetings, engage in full-force dickery; if it'll only make things worse, be only as cordial as you must.
With that, bear in mind that you can't protect your sister forever; the idea here is to keep her environment stable and happy until she has a chance to recover from what happened and can build up her own ability to deal with her problems.
op, tell your sister you will always be there for her, no matter what. that regardless of what happens, she'll always be able to come to you if she needs comfort. when she does get frustrated, do your best to allay her. always be kind to her, though i'm sure you've been doing that.
excuse me for saying this, but that aunt needs to get punched.
Your aunt is a criminal. Family or not, she has to know that she is at your mercy. You finally have the upper hand, so use it.
>>9 made excellent points as well.
This has happened to my sister with an aunt of mine.
I had a HUGE argument with her (My aunt) and that led to her not bothering me or my sister. When I say huge I mean HUGE. Objects where being thrown and the like.
As for making your sister back to how she was I can only tell you to find things you have in common with her, and 'bond' that way.
Like for my sister she likes gothic/emo fasion, I like EGL. I tell her about my designs for dress' and we just chatted about this and that about the 'emo' and 'goth' world.
Outside of this 'bonding' time she is a total b*tch.
Hope this helps
I think your mother secretly hates what your aunt had done to your sister, although she doesnt show it. If you told your Aunt to f off, I think you would gain a considerable amount of respect from your family. She honestly sounds like a bitch, and and perhaps it would be best if you told her to leave your family alone. Look out for your sister, you have no stronger bonds than with your siblings, I think it is your duty to look out for her. Hope I was some help