bizarre platonic relationship (15)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2008-01-04 04:00 ID:75UFR05C

There's a person with whom I've been close friends online for a number of years now. We met through an online game and both played female avatars. When I revealed that I was a guy, over time some romantic attraction developed and I had a serious crush. My feelings were not reciprocated, but we remained good friends despite my leaving the game around 3 or 4 years ago. I've recently confirmed that my friend is male, although I was already 90% certain ever since I had hold of his account information years ago, it does change things to be absolutely sure.

This is something that is often joked about when it comes to online games, and I've made my fair share of jokes regarding it. We still talk on a regular basis under the pretense that he is a she, but given that there is no romance involved and he is not, and has never asked me to buy him gifts or any sort of twisted gold-digging, should I bother to call him out on it? Essentially, we are ordinary online friends, he's just been lying about being a girl for years.

2 Name: Anonymous : 2008-01-04 07:38 ID:2tNAi4uh

Maybe he feels better talking to you if you think he's a girl.
Think about it: it's been fun like this, and it may have been so because of this. So, just maybe, if you confront him, it might not be fun anymore.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2008-01-04 13:28 ID:Heaven

I (as a guy) used to play a female character in Ragnarok Online for some time and never let the secret out, although a few friends knew they didn't leak it.

I did it because I enjoyed the extra attention female characters get. I mean seriously, players would give me stuff for free all the time.

4 Name: Anonymous : 2008-01-04 21:23 ID:75UFR05C

>>3
i understand that. thats a different issue though. this is a normal friendship, we havent even played the same game together for years, and yet the friendship has continued under this false pretense. theres no gold-digging going on, i just feel like its somewhat twisted because the whole relationship is based on a lie.

5 Name: Valiant Ed : 2008-01-04 21:58 ID:k0TyCQq9

I do not think it is a lie. True that most of the preconceptions you had about the person have changed but that would happen with time any way. What you were drawn to was the mind behind the character.

6 Name: Anonymous : 2008-01-04 23:18 ID:1PjEg3/Q

>>5

Agreed,... Also, you did spend quite some time with this person, and this shared experience is something very real. Relationships are always a mix of exchange and misconception. There's nothing terribly wrong in your experience, maybe you could even relate in ways that are stupidly considered wrong for males to enjoy.

7 Name: Anonymous : 2008-01-05 00:25 ID:8BztXZZZ

I agree with the other posters. Don't call him out on it. He's a woman online for a reason, and if he wants to share that reason with you, he will. So long as you're okay with the friendship, there's no reason to change it.

8 Name: Anonymous : 2008-01-06 00:20 ID:Heaven

The gender of an avatar is of no necessary relation to the player's gender.

Unless the person makes any effort the hide the truth, It's not a lie, it's a game.

9 Name: Anonymous : 2008-01-06 04:11 ID:Heaven

>>8
no offense but did you read the post? the relationship has gone outside of game for many years, and there has always been an effort to hide his real gender. hes explicitly stated that hes a girl multiple times.

that said i appreciate the insight of the other posters. you guys are probably right.

10 Name: Anonymous : 2008-01-06 12:23 ID:Heaven

>>8
Indeed. Although in RO the rules say you must be female to get a female character, I simply registered under a female name and they had no issues.

11 Name: marucita : 2008-01-18 21:22 ID:u2Rea77T

Well...kinda weird story,but paradoxicaly more normal than it seems. Anyway, I still don´t understand your feelings for him now..do you still have a crush or it just vanished when you realized his real gender?.
I don´t know what´s convenient to do. I´ve suffered from an experience similar in a way: a guy that I usually chatted with (in the main room of a chatroom) turned out to be a fake...his age,life,country,etc was a lie. I don´t even know who is he these days. I keep chatting with him,but I try not to take seriously what he says. But at moments it makes me feel absurd...I feel a fool pretending with him (when we both know that I know the truth). Anyway, I think if someone does that,he may have a problem.
But it´s up to everyone to decide what to do...the important thing is feeling happy with the decision you make. Greetings

12 Name: Anonymous : 2008-01-18 23:21 ID:hgx3ORyv

Surprisingly, situations like the OP's occur often enough.
It's really somewhat surprising how people so often simply jump to conclusions about the people behind characters - The majority of my characters have always been female, despite the fact that I'm a guy (It's decidedly more interesting to stare at an Elf Sorceress's behind then it is to stare at a Troll Warrior's while I blow up/club Bats and Snakes to death to reach my next level. Sad, but true.)

I've never really hidden it, nor gone out of my way to let it be known - if somebody bluntly asked, I'd simply tell them (I believe this happened all of.. one time), however, as I mostly play on RP-preferred servers, things get more complicated quite quickly (I typically simply played the 'Not Interested, go away before I cast [Rediculously powerful spell] on you' part. Isn't Evil RP delightful?), I've always made it a point to inform people of it before things started to get too clingy, though. It might come as something of a shock to people after they start developing something of a crush over the course of two or three weeks, but it's better then leaving them in the dark.
If it's not a problem, why fix it? Just let it be, I say.

13 Name: Anonymous : 2008-01-19 00:13 ID:Heaven

Drop the thought before it grows like a cancer. Online relationships do not transfer to the real world. When they do, they end badly.

And the rest of you, spare us the one in a million fairy tale story.

14 Name: Anonymous : 2008-01-19 21:15 ID:Heaven

OP here, there hasnt been any sort of romantic feelings for at least a couple of years. its just a regular online friendship, but yeah, its an odd one. basically >>11 nailed it.

>I keep chatting with him,but I try not to take seriously what he says. But at moments it makes me feel absurd...I feel a fool pretending with him (when we both know that I know the truth).

i feel the exact same way about my relationship with this guy.

>>13 there was pretty much never a possibility of a rl relationship, for the obvious reason, and also because he lives across the country. i posted the thread cause i was wondering if it might be worth continuing at all, considering hes a good friend online and has been for years.

15 Name: Anonymous : 2008-01-21 03:36 ID:Heaven

>>9
Yes, I read it.
And it can easily follow that >>1 is based on an assumption about someone that the other person doesn't bother to refute.
Or that the other person is just role playing

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