I'm a 21 year old female college dropout. In literally the last couple weeks of my freshman year at a Midwestern community college, I dropped out after realizing that I didn't have any idea what I really wanted to do with my life and decided that I would commit suicide instead.
Still living at home and still working my high school job in food service for barely more than minimum wage, I became a recluse and slept all day, only waking to go to my job, eat, piss, and reassure my mother that I was fine. Why in the hell she believed me each time I do not know, but I don't blame her for anything. Except not putting any money aside at any point to help pay for college. ((Thus the community college.))
About a month after dropping out and procrastinating on the suicide, an aunt alerted me that there were job openings at her factory about an hour from home. She said the jobs were temporary summer jobs, meant only to last three months, and offered to rent me a room in her house for as long as they lasted. Figuring anything was better than killing myself at that point, but certainly not ruling killing myself out, I moved in to her place and began my career as a machine operator in a water valve factory.
For the first six months I was bent on killing myself. I researched my options seriously, took out life insurance on myself with my mother as the beneficiary, settled on offing myself via helium inhalation, and figured out where and for how much I could get all of my supplies.
Then things started not sucking so much. I resigned to the fact that I worked in a washing machine guts factory for good pay and awesome benefits, and decided I'd look for an apartment and try living on my own for awhile. If that failed, I figured I'd off myself in my own place on my own time. Sounded like a great plan and I began to enjoy myself.
Fast forward to a year and seven months later. I'm still living in that room and still working that "temporary" job. Every once in a while I get these horrible regret pangs for having dropped out and having never had the "college experience" that 90% of the western world's population has. I just feel incomplete and like nothing will get me over it. I want so bad to be in college, learning and making friends and just doing something. But here I am, at square one with no funds and no idea what in the fuck I want to "do when I grow up."
The reason for this thread is not for advice on how to get $80,000 worth of grants or for encouragement to go back to school. What I want and need is reassurance that not all is lost. I want to hear from other college dropouts and people who just never went but are living fulfilling lives despite that. Just share your story. I need to know that all is not lost, that choosing not to go to college is not the end of the world. Anything, anything that could help me. I've been well lately, and just today I'm sinking back in to "maybe I should kill myself (despite obviously not being 100% behind it)" mode. I hope to apply for antidepressant medication soon. I believe that will help.
Please. Any wisdom, advice, or experience you can share. Thank you.
I'm a female high school dropout. I still live at home with my father, but he's never around due to his job. I can't drive, and I have no friends. I was a recluse for three years, until I decided that I missed smelling fresh air. I began walking around town and saw a "Volunteers Needed" sign on a thrift store window. On a whim, I began volunteering. I volunteer three times a week, working at the food bank. Somehow, giving boxes of food to drug addicts who will be dead in the next few years makes me feel a lot better about myself. The old Christian ladies I work with have convinced me to get my diploma through an online program, and to go to college. Seeing those ladies, so late in their lives, really helps me. They tell me stories about surviving the depression and living through wars, and it quite simply makes me feel ridiculous for being depressed over my life. If those old ladies survived through all of that hardship, and now here they are smiling and helping their community, surely I can do something good with my life.
I don't make money, I don't have any friends. But damnit, I'm happy. I play online games, and I get a lot of respect from the people I play with. Even though it's lame, it really makes me feel important and needed. Try to develop some hobbies, OP. Being in a position where people need you and rely upon you might really help your situation.
Eeuhm, well i had to drop out because one professor kept failing me for ONE COURSE. So i'm at the last year, and he is standing in my way.I failed the exam of the course with like 10 point =40/100..and he wouldn't let me graduate (i live in europe,france).
SO i got bitter, dropped out and lost faith in the system..all those years wasted. PLUS i have some other issues, like having no social life and that was the only thing i had going.
Right now i'm lost,suicidal and empty. I want to believe in anything, but i can't..i just can't. My life has always been shit and like most 4ch'ers never got a real girlfriend which makes it all worse.
I wasn't like this before. I had hope but the many rejections,failures made me a sad man.
I got help (psych,drugs,..) but those are dillusional, they keep me off the real issues. GO TO WORK! = why? So i can be a drone to society and still feel like sh#t? Oooh you might meet someone there? OH PLEASE! ..like i said, you need faith,hope..even if it's dillusional,it can help. But i can't LIE TO MYSELF ANYMORE..i've done it for years, but no.
Hope someone else has a happy ending, so skip this story.
Just wanted to give some encouragement from someone who HAS been thru college---
It's not the miracle fixer-upper you might envision it to be. I got my undergrad, trying to get a master's now. I've never had a significant other, I have no social life, and most of my free time is spent at home playing video games. College unfortunately doesn't have any courses on happiness 101. I really wish they did, because I get pretty depressed sometimes, too.
For all you who for whatever reason can't or don't want to do higher education, my advice is to find something you're good at and enjoy doing, and roll with it. Just try a variety of things until you find that one thing you say "Hey, I enjoy doing this just because, and the money is an awesome side bonus." I wish I had done that, myself, because I ended up wasting four years of my life and a lot of money switching majors twice before I settled on something, and I'm not even working in the field I graduated in. Go figure.
Practical suggestion: take part time CC courses in different fields. You can try out different subjects, and earn credits at the same time should you decide to go full-time. It's also a LOT cheaper than a 'traditional' college.
Also: Don't start any drugs. They'll just make you dependent and waste your money with no real benefit. I tried antidepressants once, didn't do squat.
>>as long as you're alive you have a future.
So does a plane that's about to crash into a mountain. It's just not a very long or happy future.
Just because there's still some amount of time ahead of you doesn't mean it's all puppies and fucking roses.
I'm a first year student at a fairly well-to-do college that I don't really think I can afford. I keep telling other people half-jokingly that I want to become a chef or truck driver and drop out.
I don't find anything I'm learning to be particularly important or interesting. More and more, I think colleges are little more than some sort of system set up by the ruling class to keep the poor in their place.
Really, the only reason I see for going to college that plays a major part in my life plan is that college is supposed to be a good place to meet people. As a person who no longer has any friends and has never had a significant other (AnoniDate, LOL), it was such a disappointment to find out that commuting equals social stagnation plus loneliness compounded by hour long drives to and fro.
I don't really give a shit about my major and I think a simple life of working full-time would be best (have you considered trade school? Some trade school occupations can pay just as well as jobs requiring college. Be an electrician or something; maybe you could be one of those lazy-ass mechanics you undoubtedly see skulking about your workplace).
Whatever you do, suicide is really a terribly thought out and selfish option. If you don't want to live anymore, join the peace corps or something. Don't hurt your family; how much do you think a life insurance policy could console a parent burying their child? I hope someday that your thoughts on suicide appear just as absurd as they are.
Also, I'm pretty sure antidepressants only serve to increase the risk of suicide. I'd stay away and see if you could afford an honest-to-god therapist or maybe really make an effort to talk with your mother, no matter how much you think she doesn't get it.
Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide, OP. You seem very intelligent and you're still quite young. I'm positive you can make something of yourself. Plus, you have Anon, though that's a bit of a double-edged sword at times.
are you a doctor? If you aren't you should not be giving out potentially harmful medical advice over internet.
OP speak with an actual GP about anti-depressants, they will be able to give you a factual overview of the potential risks and benefits of anti-depressants, to help you decide if it is the right treatment for you.
>>6 doesn't mean you can't steer out of the way :/
In my 1st year I got put on academic probation cause I'd keep skip class to just ride buses aimlessly around the city. After that semester I dropped out and worked full time at a soup factory. (lol)
I dunno what was worse, messing up in college or working in a mind rotting job. After like 7 months I couldnt take it anymore and I got me a working visa and a plane ticket to Australia.
I spent a year in Australia re-evaluating my priorities and what I want to do. Not only do it clear my head, I meant a lot of interesting and wonderful people. Normally Im a intorverted person, but a lot of people who are like minded so it help talking with them.
Now Im back in Canada persuing a degree in micro biology. Hopefully I'll be able to make some contibution to the world with this degree.
Life not 100% smiles, but I know its ok.
I can relate to many of the stories, but I think I'm on the process of improving. I'll share that process in hopes that it may help someone else.
I believe the major problem is the commonly held social beliefs surrounding the education institutions. They, especially many parents, expect children to go through this treadmill and come out 'intelligent' and then land a high paying job. That purpose is drilled into children, but when they drop out of that treadmill, they lose their prescribed purpose. For many, and myself, possessing no purpose causes an existential despair that can become depressing. We see others moving along the treadmill happy and successful and we question why we are incapable of the same. We then conjecture that we are defective because we are unable to function according to social expectations.
Ultimately, once we drop out of what society expects of us, we have to develop our own purpose, which is a difficult thing. It requires we explore what's out there and also what's inside us. To explore what's out there means to go and travel, associate with/find people of integrity, read books, or do whatever interests you. And to explore what's in us means resolving any esteem issues through some form of therapy if required, and trying to re-adjust our mental outlook to one that is more in tune to values which are not those of common social delusions. That is, do not be envious of those who are going through the education system without any critical awareness, without thinking for themselves. I feel pity that they would do all that without really learning or developing themselves into self-actualized individuals.
Instead, realize that you're at a very special moment of your life where you can take control of where you go next instead of social influences cramming a purpose down your throat. You are at a point were you need to make some critical self-discovery. You need to find yourself a new purpose. Be thankful that you have the courage to drop away from social expectations and take time out for yourself. To find your purpose, you need to discover where your passions lie and assess those esteem issues, as I mentioned. Then, build from that. It will most likely draw you back to post-secondary education anyways, and once you're back you'll be ready for it with an ambition in mind.
>>12 You write very eloquently! If this is unscripted then I really envy your writing! You should be a dropout and move to france and smoke little cigarettes while sipping a latte while scribbling on tissue paper! :D
>>13 12 here. Thank you. I appreciate it. My writing has only improved by the readings I've done since dropping out.
I spent two years in University. Yet, while I was there, I dabbled in every undergrad faculty. I was still indecisive about my future and I disapproved of those who pursued degrees in order to make high salaries without an interest in the personal development opportunities education can provide. I found the courses lacking. I often skipped classes and studied from the text since professors only seemed to reiterate. The subjects of the lectures were taught in a way as if you were analyzing it separate from reality. This caused some pretentious ivory tower attitudes in my fellow academics.
Long story short. I dropped out, began reading books on anything of interest, went traveling (even running from home a few times), tried many different things, and sought the required help to overcome my suicidal depression. The point is to just do what you love because it will build on to other things, and that's how you build your authentic self instead of following the bare minimum, social standards. And, it will most likely lead back to school anyhow because that's the only place where you can develop your skill further in a way that is socially recognized or professionalized. Don't forget to to build esteem and confidence in yourself first. It all starts from yourself. To go ahead with studies, or any activity, but not as your authentic self is not a 'life.' Don't look down at this drop-out period. Many of the smartest, considerate, compassionate people dropped out or flunked school. Mark Twain once said, “I never let school interfere with my education.”
I recommend reading, especially. But, I know it's not for everyone. Personally, many books were useful in aiding me reassess my life values. For example, Pirsig's 'Zen and Art of Motorcycle Maintenance' details a protagonist who flunks university because he shares differences about the university structure. The protagonist goes through this learning process outside of university, eventually comes back to university ready to deal with it.
My outlook on life changed tremendously in the past 24 months.
--
random, maybe useless or obvious advice:
-see a shrink, having someone to talk to is priceless. if the shrink sucks or you see no improvement after 2-6 months, ditch the shrink and look for a new one. but you need to know what your problems are (depression? indifference? motivation? panic attacks? anxiety?)
-meds are okay, but if you want your improvements to last, take medication AND see a shrink. medication without change in your head more often than not will only provide temporary relief/improvement. my social anxiety is not inborn (I wasn't always like this), so I choose not to take meds.
-I also recommend reading. self-help books, novels, non-fiction. while I love scifi & fantasy, I do not recommend them if you want more than enjoyment out of books.
-consider musical and physical activity yadayada :)
--
my story:
I dropped out of college not only once, but four times (2003,2004,2005,2006). I reapplied every year. I was granted scholarship, so I didn't have to worry about tuition and living expenses. I'm 25 now. My problem was, and to a much lesser extent, still is social anxiety.
I didn't apply in 2007, nor did I in 2008, because scholarship was denied and I don't have job. And I knew it wouldn't make any sense because I'd just drop out again due to lack of social integration/interaction. I knew I would have to get rid of my social anxiety before taking another shot at college again.
Since then I've been working on my anxiety and confidence issues , I have come a long way already (but still with lots of room for improvement), maybe I'll reapply this year or 2009.
I hope this post didn't turn out to be condescending, it's late here and I'm tired. :)
22 (soon to be 23) year old dropout here.
I was on a continual slide into depression and social isolation from 10th grade to 12th grade in high school. By 12th grade I had given up all friends (literally ditched the few I had), had no one to sit with at lunch (went to library or walked halls), and had no social circle whatever. I had learned to be completely alone and independent. Eventually this grew into fear of any form of interaction with other people at all. I was catatonically depressed by graduation. Didn't go to the graduation ceremony, didn't have my photo taken, didn't get a yearbook.
I had no job this whole time. I spent most of the time in my basement room, lights off, A/C unit set to 64 degrees. Sometimes internetting, sometimes watching tv, sometimes trying to fall asleep even though I wasn't tired. Just coping with and accepting loneliness.
I managed to apply to only one college, a 4th tier shit state school. I was unenthusiastic, just going through the motions. I drove there with my dad for the orientation, unenthusiastic the whole ride. It was a life changing event. I was plucked from my safe routine, my pattern of living that necessitated zero social interaction or dependency. For the first time in years I was thrown out to fend for myself without a fallback. The defining point of the experience was when I had finished one orientation class and did not know my way to the next classroom on the agenda. Instead of asking for directions, I found a cafeteria table to sit at alone. I sat there for over an hour, silently, staring at a clock. I did this because I had lost the ability to talk to people. I didn't have the courage to simply ask someone to show me the room. I was too used to my safe patterns.
Soon after I met up with my dad. I basically clung to him (so as to have a safe fallback) while we sat through one more orientation speech. I learned during that speech that freshmen were going to separate from their parents and go spend a night in the dorms. That was the it. I couldn't do that. I told him I'd made up my mind: I'm going to community college, then I'll transfer. Drive me home, I can't take any more of this. I was conscious, during every agonizing second, that this was a crossroads that I would remember for the rest of my life.
My dad and I didn't speak a single word to each other during the 4 hour trip back home.
I eventually went through 2 semesters of community college, during which I continued the cycle of complete social isolation that I had perfected during high school. I even walked out during one assignment that required us to get in groups. My biology professor, on the last day of class, took me outside the room and told me to "get help."
I transfered to a local university after those 2 semesters. I waffled between majors (IT, CompSci, others) and never formally declared a major. I was still living in the same basement room, still the same pattern of friendless isolation. NO campus events, parties, every free moment alone in my house. My room became a mental prison.
Anyway I had a breakdown during the 3rd semester. I stopped signing up for classes, and I've only had one 1 job (host at a restaurant) since. I have no friends. I type to you now from the same (parents' basement) room, the same computer, as before.
I could write forever... but currently I still have the option to go back to school and have my parents pay for it, but I'm opting not to. I don't have the social ability, I never will, so I see no reason to go back and torture myself. Though part of me desperately wants to get a degree, get some friends and have the college experience, start a meaningful career that I care about, and create a life I can be enthusiastic about living.
But I fear that my destiny is to stagnate in a low level job... Let inertia carry me through the path of least resistance, 'going through' rather than 'living' life.
Just like you, OP.
The fact that I gave up on that dream makes me look negatively at every option I have in life. Shit jobs that I will accept with resignation, and that I don't have the motivation or strength to do anything about.
I look with envy at the beautiful 20-somethings together in their VW Jetta, blaring some incomprehensible music and smiling with each other. I overflow with regret and envy every single time I see a nice, cleanly-kept, modest car parked in a suburban driveway with a college-letter sticker on the back.
WHatever.. as it stands today, my parents are going to use the tuition money (my dad is moderately rich anyway) to set me up in an apartment so I can try to become independant. I'm as unenthusiastic about this as I was about college. It's a last resort. I fear I will end up like you OP. If that doesn't work I'm going to a mental hospital (or killing myself).
tl;dr I wish I could give you an uplifting story, but I suspect that people like us are destined to a life of diminished expectations, contentement with depression, and misery.
The suggestion to take up a musical activity is really good advice. I've seen very creative people who never, for some reason or other, were encouraged to express themselves or relieve stress in a constructive and artistic manner.
Man, I didn't know lots of other people who have social phobias which prevent their post-secondary education too. I thought I was the only one. All I can say is see a therapist. They can help, they are trained to deal with this. Also, find hobbies of interest, art or music like somebody said, or reading.
Just keep working at it.
I quit doing drugs my freshman year and had a mental break down. Not just like smoking weed, I was taking 12mg and xanax a day and shooting up herion.
I haven't dropped out, and I'm only in my sophomore year. You shouldn't really care about the college experience, because quite frankly it isn't that great.
Just keep doing what you do now, but don't spend most of your time locked up inside. I don't know where you live, but just walk around the city or visit a mall. You could even go to the park or ride a bike, they are both very peaceful and help out greatly with anxiety. I've gotten to the point were I somewhat look foward to the next day. It may be the same shit, but there is alway that small chance that something incredible may happen.
tbhq, I don't enjoy college very much. It's a lot similar to highschool in all respects. The only reason I am going is because I will be the first person to graduate college in my family and parents really want me to go. My parents have tons of money, but I will never ask them it. I do have interest in a psych degree, but in honesty, I do not think I would use it for anything.
Damn, man. You broke my heart with that. I really want you to get out and enjoy life because you would if you knew how.
>>20 Ah man, Psychology is really interesting stuff. Just go for it, who knows where it'll lead you. At least it's something. Hey, you might switch into some other major regardless. Nothing is set in stone.
I didn't like interacting with people because I figured that it was a waste of time, it still is. But it isn't that bad. I'm a dropout too but I found a job and it pays me well... Even though I see social interaction as a waste of time, i'm planning to go back to college/uni and get a degree. Just for the money, and for myself.
>>16 Fuck, so much of that rings true with me. Too shy/incompetent to ask directions, unable to make decisions for myself about my future, compromising opportunities because I'm a chickenshit... only difference is I'm still 17 and will be hopefully starting higher education at the end of this year in a tech college, doing Computing. I have the mentality of a drop out to some degree, but I don't want to drop out because... well anybody can see why from reading this thread. I don't want to dig myself any deeper than I am now, want to improve my stance. No job, stay at home all day mostly on computer and sleeping. Sometimes I attempt baby steps to self improvement, for example right now I'm in the middle of driving lessons.
I don't want to slump any further, want to go up from here. No matter how much I lose faith or pathetically chicken out, or go through my cycles of self loathing and all that documented crap. I'm not going to let this last and hold me back. My uncle told me about someone he knew who was a shut-in at his parent's house, someone in their 30s who was the classic drop out. I've heard enough horror stories to know that my situation is redeemable. It all hinges on whether I can hold it all together.
I'm currently a 21 year old male drop out. Hurray for us.
As soon as I was out of high school, I started college. Summer session, then did night classes for three semesters. My grades weren't the best, but definitely not the worst. I considered myself an above average student.
Then I began to smoke weed. I began getting lazy in general, stopped attending classes, and stopped going out with friends just so that I can destroy brain cells. Yay for that.
I work at a restaurant waiting tables and bartending, so that I can pay for my own bills, and anything left over is used for the hippie lettuce and misc things (rolling paper, a piece to smoke out of). For a good year and a half after the third semester, all it consisted of was smoking weed, sleeping, working.
One day I just kind of had an epiphany during a session with some friends. Why smoke, when I can be doing other things to better myself, better the world? It's great that we wake up from out sleep everyday to a world of such potential opportunity to do whatever you wish. Take a look at it this way: when you're done reading this pretty long post, you can take a nap, and never EVER wake up. You could be driving to work, and an 18 wheeler demolishes your little car. You could be at the grocery store, and some asshole could just start opening fire on everyone he sees, and unfortunately for you, you're the first one he saw. BLAM
I pretty much now live one day at a time. I'm currently registered for summer session of college, and hopefully will keep going until I get that PhD in psychology. But I learned and value what life has to offer, and I'm going to live it.
To the OP, I sincerely hope you find your way. You are capable of anything. ANYTHING! Just because you do not go to college or have a degree makes you any less of a person. You chose your own way to live life, and anyone that sees that should respect it. If you are happy with where you are, then look into moving up the ranks at your job. Extra pocket money is definitely a good thing. I also hope that you choose to live life over death. You're obviously an adult, so I'm not going to sit here and instigate and be your mother. Just know the consequences if you were to choose the latter.
To all the others that are on the same boat as OP, I hope my words have at least made an indentation into your mind. Know that anyone is truly capable of anything, just so long as you try. You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. So go take some shots.
All of you, go live everyday like it was your last!
im a college dropout (the school sucked, i learn better by myself at a computer), and frankly im the happiest shit on this planet.
i have too many hobbies and i hate work to no end :P yea, work is a fucking waste of time
if you go around at home moping you have a problem, much bigger than some suicidal wim... really, read books, play chess, anything
watch movies, learn a language, play online games
and stick with it
>join the peace corps or something
Peace Corps requires a college education.
facepalm.jpg
I am about to go to college and I am terrified.
I dropped out of a local community college after one semester. i was fucking sick of all the bullshiting through classes i had already done over the last 12 years and did not want to put up with it for 4 more. sorry i have no story of failure to follow, but you can try what i did to pick up your life.
OK, so you obviosly have no morals since you considered suicide seriosly. SO heres what you do. go to the closest high school, find who smokes pot, and find who sells it to them. Go to the person who sells it to them and find the person who sells it to them. Then buy out all that persons weed to put the other person out of buisness (if things get ugly just kill whoever you put out of buisness.) So now you should have a steady income of weed money and a monopoly on at least one high school.
Now its time to expand. Blackmail as many people as you can and then get really rich from it. hire a body guard and buy some guns from the Honduras (they get them in the country the best) once you have money, guns, and a hired hand, go find a coke dealer-buy some and sell it in your weed to get the High Schoolers hooked. then introduce them to raw cocain and they will love it before they try it. BAM instant money. Keep at the selling and kill anyone who is a threat to your buisness.
By now you should be the most powerfull drug dealer in your community, and depending on what city, a pretty big factor citywide as well. Find out who the best local hookers are and start offering them more pay for being your whores and amass enough to start a decent whore house. while your drug profits are still coming in, you should still be expanding, maybe hire someone to handle finances and delivery now that your buisness is increasing. and now you need multiple body guards as well.
In the bottem of your brothel, start up a meth lab and find a good source to import supplies by boat (if possible). the meth should sell well to your high school customers, thier friends, and possible even other dealers. Once your meth lab is up and running, your prostitution buisness should be going well. take your man who was in charge of Drugs and make him boss of which ever is making more money, then hire someone new to handle the other. keep body guards with them, on deliverys, and at the brothel at all times.
OK, if you hadnt had trouble with cops by now, chances are you will soon. so make sure u have lots of bribe money to bribe the cops with. and also chances are that you have hired a rat in your corporation somewhere so have a weekly random killing if your can afford that, if not make it monthly.
You should be headed straight to the top of the town if you have been following these instructions and it may be time to move your buisness to a larger city if need be. Just always remember, money money money, always do what will bring the most profit. and kill anyone who gets in your way. Good Luck and God Speed
School doesn't even fucking matter anymore. I say fucking drop out and don't look back. Make your own business or live with your parents or some shit. School is just another factory putting out dumb shits. I would hate to get a degree in what I am persueing because I would work in a fucking office all day hating my life and my fucking job. Going home to fuck my wife who probably cheats on me and shit. Starting to get gray eyed and letting everyone fuck you over. Don't be a fucking bum though but do something else then fucking shitty ass school. I've been in school for 3 god damn years and my life hasn't gotten any better and the only thing that was meaningful that I fucking learned was math and fucking Japanese and Spanish. I know computer programming and shit like that but so many fuckers out there do that shit that the market is fucking saturated. I'd rather work in a different fucking country using my language skills. Get money tutoring english or some shit. I don't know. Just don't be stuck in one place unless you love it. Me? I fucking hate every minute I am here and are going to fucking leave.
Focus on getting a useful job.
The reason so many people who don't belong in college go is because of the perception that you become your job. Well, you CAN fix cars and then go home and read Dostoevsky. Your job may not be a pretty office job like you see on TV, but whenever the economy flounders you'll have useful skills and stay employed. Chair warmers who get paid to surf the internet get laid off by the droves.
I'm a 21 yr male, currently attending a major state university in the northeast (you know, the one who's coach is so old he rocked Moses' fuckin' cradle. Not that I don't like the guy, but he's been faltering lately. Retire much?). I'm currently in my 4th year and going into a 5th because I took one light semester and have screwed up three.
First I'd like to explain the so-called 'college experience' from my point of view. I used to co to one of my U's satellite campuses; and it was really good. I was just starting to learn how to make friends going in (the best friend I've had yet I met at a model railroad club in the Pittsburgh area, and he's pretty cool), and had just come out of homeschooling through high school. I really liked the atmosphere there. I could go in and see someone I knew every day; the place felt like a nice little community. I was doing good work, making friends, and I was really happy there.
I had picked a business major based on the fact that the description mentioned that graduates from said major get jobs with railroads. I just sort of jumped at that without really thinking since the childhood dream was to be the engineer for a railroad-the dude in the cab. Those guys have the fuckin' POWER-handling 2 MILLION POUNDS OF STEEL EVERY DAY. But I digress.
I basically took it easy in my first two years at the branch campus. I had about half my credits done with pretty good grades. I'd been told I had to transfer to the main campus. Big changes ahead. I moved into an apartment with three other people I did not know; two girls and another guy. The guy was a fucking hick; he watched wrestling too loud at 2 in the morning when I had early classes and fought with his girlfriend all the time; the one girl (who knew the hick from high school) was a bitch and thought she was the fucking queen of the apartment; and the other girl was from around Pittsburgh and never around the apartment so I never talked to her, but her boyfriend and his asshole friend (both moron wiggers from Philadelphia and anal retentive about it) WERE around, too damn often. So when I had people to interact with, it was more likely than not it was someone I would rather have avoided; unless I called up one of my (three) friends from the branch who had also transferred.
I screwed up that year; I was into what I was doing but not the habit of doing it; and bombed a couple classes. I still didn't know many people and didn't get out much. I preferred to go home for game night at my house with all my friends. When I did get out and about I usually drove 25 miles to the nearest very active railroad mainline to watch trains (can you tell I'm a dork yet?).
Things straightened out on the next semester, and got better during the summer session I took after that. I didn't want a repeat of the apartment experience, so I leased an efficiency apartment and moved in alone. BIG mistake. I had only pulled average grades in my major classes last year; this year, I've flunked every major-specific class I've taken. I've realized that I no longer want to be in my major. I really wish I'd been able to go for the locomotive enginner job, the dream.
I even had a breakdown about a month ago when I went home and had to tell my parents about flunking two classes for the second time. That was the first time I CRIED in God only knows how many years. I want to drop out, but I know my parents will never let me. Before she passed over a year ago, my grandmother said I had to go to college or the Navy (since the grandfather of mine she married was a sailor in the mid-1950's), and I knew I wasn't military material. So off to school I went, because I had to. And because I had to, I had to pick a major. So I just picked one.
I wish I'd taken more time to think about what I could've gotten into; I don't know if I could've done something computery like programming even though I can think of a pile of things I would've liked to do with such skills. I had a very good creative writing class and wonder if maybe I should have gone for something literary or maybe journalism.
My mom's used the 'but maybe you'll find work outside your field' line on me frequently; she does not understand the concept of sunk costs. If a company spends millions developing a water-powered pogo stick and can't drop it now or all will be wasted, and the world doesn't want a fucking water-powered fucking pogo fuckstick, the fucking company deserves to go the fuck out of fucking business because it's already wasted money. If I know I'm in the wrong field, I've already wasted four years of my life and I'm not even sure how many thousands of dollars-and you want me to continue so that I can get hired and not use it?
What the fuck?
Right now the only things keeping me alive are:
Led Zeppelin
Neil Young
Trains
The fact that I want to have kids SOMEDAY (all daughters. I could never raise a boy out of the fear he'd turn out like me or worse)
Some other stuff that I forgot while I was writing the second and third paragraphs
An activist project I haven't had the time or money to help out with to the extent I've wanted to
I don't know what the solution is. To me it seems that college is four years of grueling work to get a permission slip to endure a lifetime of grueling work, and then die. Maybe somewhere in between get married and have kids, if you look like the guys in all the ads on TV.
I've never had a really good social life. Never had a real girlfriend. Never been kissed. Complete virgin. Thought I did back in second grade, when I had no clue what I was doing, but that was about it. You could shove me into a random sorority get-together or meet-and-greet and I would just sit in the corner sipping tea and trying to become invisible. My lack of faith in humanity prevents me from making connections with any more people in the outside world than I already have; and I haven't maintained those I have very well lately thanks to the utter shittiness of college.
I want to change, but there's no manual for this. If I'm putting a model railroad car kit together I know it by instinct-always have; could probably do it blindfolded. But becoming a more social creature seems to be based wholly on experience and I am too afraid of screwing things up the first time to ever try it.
Suicide is not the answer, of that I'm sure. But neither is sitting around waiting for things to get better. The worst bit is that to me the third option I can see, getting up off my ass and actually doing things doesn't seem to be the answer either. I keep thinking that maybe there is none. I really shouldn't but I do anyway.
>>33
Why not pursue your original dream? Just google 'locomotive engineer', there's a wealth of good info on the first results page. Don't force yourself into a career path you won't enjoy, do what makes you happy. Honestly I thought about doing the same at one point, but then I discovered video games, and that's what I'm studying now is game design. It doesn't pay that great but heck, it's what I enjoy doing.
[Although I still think trains are awesome. Someday when I get a house and have money I'm definitely going to get into model railroading.]
Maybe you should go find a love life - at least when you find your soul-mate, you'll have someone to live for and have sex with when you are lonely. That's life. Most people on earth are like you - sleep, work, sleep, etc. Or go watch some TV dramas and you might find "meanings" in your life in those stories. If u are asian - go rent some HK, Korean, or Japanese serials and entertain yourself - I know when I am depressed or down I pop in a Chinese/Korean/Japanese drama and always find something really meaningful about life in those dramas.
>>decided that I would commit suicide instead.
AWESOME
>>Still living
Fix that ASAP.
I would give you guys a hug if I could ;_;
This is making me determined to not fuck up my life
>>41
I wouldn't know. Wait a minute while I print out the thread and find out.
It's stupid to suicide if you haven't milked the most fun from your life. You can still become something worthy. If you can't get back to studying, perhaps you won't have the best job in the world. But you still have your 4-8 hours of personal time a day, weekends, holidays, vacations and retirement to have fun.
As for stories: My best friend is a dropout. He hated studying. He went from crappy job to crappy job until he realized crappy jobs are crappy, so he went back to studying and now that he's done half of it, he's looking for a much less crappy job to take while he does the other half. Then he'll have a much better job. But regardless of this, he's happy. He had good things in his life back when he had crappy jobs, and today. Your job is not everything.
Just kill yourself.
What the heck is with the fail school threads lately..
First of all... medication is not the answer. It's as simple as that. Meds only make you numb, or make you feel worse. I've experienced them personally. Largely they're a product that the business of psychiatry sells. They're a "loose cannon", as I would call it. They have many side effects, but psychiatrists find out they have one that relates to alleviating depression, and then then label the drug as anti-depressant.
As for me, I'm 21.
I went to community college for two semesters while living with my parents, and then the FAFSA stopped giving me monies for whatever reason, so naturally, I stopped going. I am not at all interested in going into debt (hence I will not get a credit card).
I lived with my parents until, in about May or June 2007, when I was 20, then started thinking I was depressed, which I am NOT. I had a history with it, did the psychiatry/anti-depressant thing. That didn't work, so I quit cold turkey and cured myself. But my parents thought I was still depressed.
My parents were also daily bugging me about getting a job (I had jobs previous to this, always temporary though), despite the fact that I did my best to apply to 10 places a week for 6 months straight (honestly) and never getting a job. Very dis-encouraging. But I pressed on. At least I was trying.
So, at that point, my parents began to talk about forcefully placing me in a mental institution. There ARE ways, anon. Anyway, I would not have this. I had money saved up from medical testing, so I opted to move out and go live in my car/ with friends. That worked very well until winter, when it's freezing ass cold. So I lived with the girlfriend I had at the time. Living there, I finally got a job at Meijer in produce in October 2007. I've been there since.
My life plan and philosophy revolves around RIGHT NOW. Not tomorrow. I am not concerned about distant future plans. I do not plan on living long, so I try to live for today.
Like I said, I had a history of depression. For a long time I would get home from school, sleep, eat, sleep, go to school. Sleep, eat, work. And so on, endlessly. I had no motivation to do homework, though I was pressured to and cried over schoolwork a lot. It was so hard for me. I also had a lot of problems dealing with responsibilities, and would cry over that. I thought of suicide daily, and made plans several times.
During this whole time, I was taking medication. Months and over a year, and maybe even two years went by and it did nothing. I looked into antidepressants and found out it was bullshit. Pills can not cure your attitude. Pills make doctors money, yes, at the expense of your health and emotion.
I realised I was numb most of the time, or feeling worse than I originally did. I realised that my attitude was the problem. It might sound dumb and simple, but your attitude determines your happiness! That is really what cured me, changing my attitude. You can not wake up thinking "wow I hate going to work/ school. I hate making myself food. I hate having to brush my teeth. I wish there was an easier way. Why me?" And any other such unproductive thoughts.
You need to be productive with your thoughts, otherwise you fall back into the old unproductive ones that only hinder you.
As far as the future... I have a very vague plan of, save money, and travel. I'm actually on my way with that. I have a good bit saved, and I'm going to keep saving. I may get another job, and quit my current one. But security is nice, so I'll probly stay until I save a lot. Living in my car allows me to save money much faster than spending hundreds on apartments. I can not be happy living from month to month.
I got distracted after typing this up. I think I've said everything necessary. I read it over later and say more if necessary.
^^
probably because it's end-of-school-year/exams time.
Do something. Just DO something -- anything. Do not allow your negative thoughts to fester by dwelling on them for an unreasonable length of time. Try to be active, even if that just means taking a daily walk around the block; exercise improves mental health.
Nobody succeeds all the time, and some people have an advantage over others. There are things in this world that cannot effectively be changed; this is simply a fact of life. If you make your failure to graduate from college the defining characteristic of your existence, and if you constantly obsess about how it puts you at a disadvantage compared to those who manage to succeed where you failed, then you are likely doomed to remain depressed for a very long time. I think you should try to figure out a way to come to grips with your failure that allows you to move forward in life in a positive fashion. How you do that is up to you. I'm not really capable of telling you what specifically needs to be done.
In sum: no, you don't need a degree to live a happy and meaningful life. Yes, having a degree helps one acquire jobs and whatnot, but no -- that official pedigree is NOT necessary. I strongly believe this.
Oh, one more thing. If you ever seriously decide that you absolutely, positively must have a degree, you can get one. Your post is written well enough that it's clear you possess the minimal cognitive ability required to obtain a degree. The rest is just a matter of concentration and willpower.
I'm not saying you SHOULD go back to school and get a degree. But, if those "pangs of regret" you feel from time to time become overwhelming, and it becomes a "degree or suicide" situation, just know that you CAN get a degree. Don't ever delude yourself into thinking it's impossible.
I realized one day that I could do anything I wanted to.
I got a little scared.
I believe the same of everone.
The amount of social, mental, and physical work required to do so varies drastically for each person. It is unrealistic to believe that. But I know how you feel sometimes.
Just commit suicide or don't do it.
There is NOTHING wrong or right with it, just do it or don't.
Too many pretending moralfags here.
If there are facts that doesn't please you try to change them, if you can't try to accept them, if you can't you have to kill yourself.
Just a rational step.
I am annoyed by those fags, that are saying some standardized phrases that doesn't help at all but give themselves selfsatisfaction for pretending.
There are options (suicide is also one) , just whatever you do, do it with all your will and don't regret it!
I went to a university for two years majoring in computer science, but then I realized that I hated programming, and failed out due to lack of motivation to get out of bed and go to class.
Going to college was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made.
>>1 I don't mean to be rude. But what you did sounded pretty stupid...
You could've figured out what you wanted to do with your life AFTER you graduated from College.
That way, you could've gotten it easy with Jon Hunting.
Finish College before thinking of something else.
Even after you've graduated and still don't know what you want to do with your life. Then the rest is up to you...
ahem... Job Hunting (sorry, typo)
Was it soley motivation?
Or is the lack of motivation also linked to the misjudgement of your talents, you potential ;)
What do you do know...apparently you are still alive.
Not a college dropout, but I did suddenly decide to stop going to one of my classes (didn't have much classes that semester anyway). Got an F obviously, was put on final probation, but took a single class this Spring and got an A, so I'm probably back on good standing.
Why did I stop going though? Because although the school was interesting, it wasn't the road to a future I wanted. Like >>56, I went originally for computer science, but I have no interest in programming. The school offered no other computer majors and the associates degree was more of a general one when I didn't want a general one. So yeah, that's two years of school (less than 30 credits though, didnt take many classes) down the drain. Well, kinda, I guess I can put that I attended the college on my resume.
Now I'm going to be going to a tech college for an associates in networking, and I'm kinda looking forward to it.
I own a small business and will only hire a college graduate for a few reasons:
a. I know they can follow directions and complete an assignment.
College assignments are not always fun an interesting, and guess what -- neither are assignments on the job. And highschools are such a joke that I doubt some high school graduates can even read.
b. I know they can finish something they start, even if they don't find it interesting. Show me someone who doesn't finish college, and my belief is they are not at all ambitious, and probably a quitter. Why would I want to hand part of a project over to someone who might disappear on me because they don't find life interesting.
c. I know they can get along with some people if they have to -- you have to get along at least with the professors to graduate.
The only real advice I can give from my perspective is do not take some hobby you enjoy and make it your job. Otherwise, the day-to-day routine and deadlines will make it something you hate. You will also have to answer to bosses or customers to keep things status quo, and that will be very frustrating if you get too attached to your job. Find something you can do to pay the bills that won't drive you to a killing spree, and try to make the most of your free time away from work to "enjoy life"
LOL @ 28!
>>35
Post 31-33 poster here. The main problem (and I was just discussing this in another thread) is that I didn't really have the choice NOT to go to school and I still don't. According to my parents, I'm getting this degree if it kills all three of us (and maims the family dog in the process).
It's really more than just school; I don't want to make the decisions they expect me to make and I don't get to make the decisions I want to. It all feels like a recipe for failure.
college graduate here, but after graduating i did nothing for about 4 years and then started working for a little over minimum wage because my degree was worthless. im 27 now, and recently quit my job to go back to school for something useful. if the OP is still reading this, you still have your youth. if youre still doing the same thing when youre 40 years old, then maybe you should start shopping for helium. for now theres plenty of time to turn your life around.
I dropped temporary of University, got a small business (renting the vydia) and an interesting job (design of digital signage) it actually worked damn fine for me but I know that because my huge ambition I should get back to university
check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpC12t6LZzA&feature=related