You know..sometimes some people get fucked over so much over the course of their lives, just be able to say you won one matters more than life itself. Try to imagine that you look in the mirror everyday knowing everything you tried to do or any game you played or any time you thought had a friend or a person you trusted and you got fucked and/or lost EVERY time, without exception.
What makes it worse is when a family member does it, or maybe when you are a child your best friends turn out to be toys or imaginary because you get made fun of or your ass gets kicked just because.
Fast forward to adulthood. My parents were convinced I was gay until the day I got married. Try living with that. Try even living more with the fact not one member of my family showed up to my wedding, or were there when my first child was born.
A lot of people use this site are people like me because we can say things and not have to worry about getting fucked over as a result of it. Being anonymous is a pretty good thing. Hell I plan to put up a chan board...but I plan to make it a free for all.
At the top of this board it says "Do not use this board to discuss your suicide-related problems. You should seek professional help. There are many services worldwide that allow you to talk to professional councellors anonymously, this is not one of them. Check your local phonebook for such services." Let me be honest, those mother fuckers are worthless. Typically they are religious organizations funded by the government to keep their taxpayers alive.
I now have something to live for and people that depend on me but a lot of people still do not. I wish this board were around when I was 16 years old. Maybe I would have know others like me were out there. Now I am 33 and essentially my life is now over. I am stuck with the daily grind. No traveling or grand adventures for me now. Traveling for me is now is in a cramped car. I'll never see anything outside the US because I will never have the money. I will never retire because I need to save for my kids college so they might have the fighting chance at life that I lost when I was 15 years old.
I look in the mirror everyday and see a failure but have to put on the front of a provider. I hope I find happiness before alcoholism destroys me in this life. But I know religion is a fraud and when I die I am worm food and nothing else.
People say "if I could do it over again...blah blah blah". I know if I were do it over again, I am sure it would turn out worse than it did.
Some people will always succeed, some people will always fail.
Join the club, i on the otherhand am not married and no children, don' think i want either too much responsibility. I don't work, i'm a parasite on society and very much enjoy this(unemployment as long as they suspend me)
About the suicide thing, you are right. It is never about the people themselves only what they can do for society...therapy here isn't free and non refundable (i live in Europe where medical care is superb ) but therapy costs too much and you have to go years before you see results. Like i said,if they cared they would've made it free instead of paying your ass off for something that might not even work.
What can i say? Life is 90% work and 10% stress,anxiety,pain,...i know this, i don't dream,don't hope..i take a shit in this world and then die.
join the club
>Try to imagine that you look in the mirror everyday knowing everything you tried to do or any game you played or any time you thought had a friend or a person you trusted and you got fucked and/or lost EVERY time, without exception.
Yeah, really..
How does it feel to have people who you love and having them love you back, OP? I don't think I'll have that before I perish.
dont know if this is the right stuff for you, but i've been listening to it on and off for half a year now and it's really helped me to re-frame my mind, and to change a few relationships that i was not happy about and now am. If you are living in sadness, the co-host of the radio podcasts is a therapist, and she takes emails and skype calls from ppl who just want to chat about their problems. In exchange you've got all your dirty laundry on the net, but hey as long as you maintain anonymous then all is good. Theres also a whole lot of stuff on philosophy that i found helpful, and some positions may seem radical and weird, but i think the logic is sound.
Anyhow, the website is freedomainradio.com,
It does feel pretty good actually. But I have the hard wired urge sometimes to keep them all at a distance because of being screwed over so much, so trying to get past that has been some work.
Everyone with my last name is dead to my ass (obviously wife and child excluded) so they will never get the chance to fuck me again. But the real worst part about being fucked over is I have never seen it coming. It always comes out of the blue and at a time when I in a positive mood and feeling like things are going pretty well. Sometimes it has been when things are going bad but 99% of the time, it is always when I think things are going great.
I will definitely check them out, but I think I am more unique than most. It seems like I give off this "vibe" or whatever you call it to either stay away from me or fuck with me and I cannot figure out why.
I guess it is better than school. There I was picked on and made fun of on a constant basis. This idea that people who get picked on because the person doing likes you is bullshit. No one enjoys getting picked on. In the adult world it it much different. Here you are basically ignored.
If you work in an office, you are kept out of the loop, last to know anything important, typically the first to go in a layoff situation which comes as a surprise (to you) but everyone else not laid off seems to have known about it weeks in advance, you and your boss never see eye to eye and every review is a total surprise. Also, you never seem to make it to management or any kind of leadership position. I am in positions that I do all the work or cause more work for other people, therefore, I am not popular among my peers. Be the least paid among your peers is common as well. I recently learned the salary of colleague is more than mine and he was offered something that I was told was too much and to "rethink" what I would accept. And this person does not know his ass from a hole in ground, but he seems to be more popular, has lunch with managers, and cannot seem do any fucking wrong.
I have no friends at all. Outside work I am at home and or running at the track and that is pretty much it. I was helping out at a web site (were the shit with that bitch had started) and I discovered those people were not my friends in short order. The bitch is who fucked me over just by posting some lies about me, for reasons I will probably never know. I have no clue what I did to piss her off. I guess existing does it for most people.
It is not the that I "lost" any friends, it was when realized (once again) that they were not my friends to begin with, which is how 99% of my "friendships" end. I always wondered why do people string me along pretending to be my friend just to screw me later? Is it fun for them? I would respect people more when if they just said "go the fuck away" instead of stringing me along for a future fucking.
Maybe I have no understand of the human race at all. Maybe I fucked up in the last life in this is the punishment life I have to get through.
Hey angry-anon! Please be me friend!
Hey OP, glad to hear that you do have important people in your life, and you're still persevering despite your letdowns. However I'm just interested in what could possibly be so wrong with you as to make other people alienate you in such a way. I mean you sound pretty articulate, rational and down to earth, and even though I've had my fair share of set-backs and bullying, I still can not relate to your tough breaks. No friends at all? Is this because of lack of trying? I'm sure even the dopiest, most socially awkward person will find a group of buddies that he/she could relate to if he tried. And being cut off from family? That's intense. I admire your determination in living through each day.
Please tell us how you met your wifey. It sounds like quite a story. You have me very intrigued, OP.
I met her through an internet dating service. Turns out a lot of her family is pretty screwed up as well, but not as screwed as mine.
The thing is I do not want friends anymore. Every "friend" is potential person ready to fuck me over for their own gain or just because. Although, now that I think about it, I cannot see how most people who screwed me over "gained" anything by it.
I keep going now just because I have no choice but to.
What is really weird is that I know I am quite intelligent. I should be running some company, or maybe elected to be a mayor or a city councilman or something. Yet my life is a total ass failure. I am always broke, I cannot get any money saved because when I do get some money in the bank something comes right along to take it from me, my credit is in the toilet, I had to let I car I liked get repo'ed and now I drive a used car. Hell my idiot brother succeeds by getting a brand new house just dropped on his lap or almost nothing and I have never owned a home or any property.
It just seems no matter how hard I try, I still fail at life. But my dumb ass keeps going because I have no choice but to.
Be sure that you realize: Life is the best thing that is ever going to happen to you. Parts of it really suck, but parts of it are really awesome. You've got a wife? Don't forget to tell her everything you've said in this thread. To have someone love you like that, you are very lucky. Not to cherish that would be a slap in the face to the rest of us.
Right now, I can't sleep. It's like I'm some sort of retarded lab rat who can't exactly learn from his mistakes. I feel like I get friends, and I get a shred of self-confidence.
Then they lie, steal or exploit me in some way. And then I realize that I don't really have any friends at all. Just people trying to take a free ride.
I'm only around when they need something or someone. Otherwise, they can't be bothered. And it's always the ones you trust the most.
Then you shouldn't give a fuck about people. You can be friendly with them, pretend to be their friend and use them if they're useful, but always look out and try not to get abused. Just see them as the scum they are.
Works for me, at least.
OP here...I should have added that to my comments as well but that happens on a regular basis to me as well. Just about the only time my phone rings is when someone wants something from me.
I am almost afraid of making friends at work for fear of losing my job. I learned in school I would never find a woman at work because that would cost me my job. And nowadays, when you get put on a sexual harassment list, everyone seems to know about it.
Your advise is useful and I do that on a daily basis.
Let me tell you something, life is the worst god damn thing to ever happen to me.
>>16 It's the only god damn thing to ever happen to you.
Life is suffering, desire is suffering, and there's no escape.
Learn to love it. It's all temporary, at least.
Everyone in this thread needs LSD/ketamine.
Or dextromethorphan, if unable to network.
christ you guys life ain't a bed of roses all the time but it sure isn't the hell you describe it to be. This is going to sound harsh, but your life decisions are of your own doing. That means that you alone are responsible for whatever hellhole your in now. OP, I recommend that you get off of your lazy ass and have fun. And that can be whatever you want it to be. But you can't go around saying that its because of life's troubles that you are depressed, because that means you aren't doing anything about it.
OP, the only time you actually lose in life is when you give up. So get your ass up, and make a stand for once. Be a fucking man.
>you alone are responsible for whatever hellhole your in now
>for whatever hellhole your in now
>your
hell yeah disillusioned 30- somethings. <3! i don't feel so alone ;0).
I still don't get it? Either there's something wrong with you, or something wrong with the rest of society. Not everyone is out there to rape you of your efforts. What are you like OP? Do you have Asperger's or something? Gambling problem? Why did your family disown you? Sure, a lot of people suck out there, but to the point of not being able to find a single decent friend is a rather far fetched notion for me.
Dude...please send that crack over to me you are smoking. Life is the greatest thing to ever happen? Tell that to those poor fuckers in Gitmo the US abducted, or animals in a testing lab, or homeless people, or people who struggle their entire lives or the 2/3rds of the people on this planet who live in total poverty.
Yeah...Life is a real good thing...
Life is great cuz if I wasn't alive I wouldn't be able to turkey-slap whiny bitches like OP and jizz all over their parents.
AWWWWW JEAH
Did you guys ever think that maybe people are treating you the way they are because your an asshole that can't distingush the rut you're in and real life?
This. This right here. Every time I've been doing really well in life (or at least by my standards) I screw something up. Yes, me. I do something stupid that gets people angry at me or me at myself. It's self-inflicted and arguably accidental most of the time.
What's worse is when people give you a choice between two unpleasant things, or force you into doing something. Right now I'm having college problems because I had to either go into the Navy or college after high school. So to college I went with no idea what I wanted to do and the idea that what I had picked out as a major (randomly) I could stick with.
Boy was I wrong. Now I'm depressed and failing classes left and right. I tried to change my major but my parents nixed the idea since I was in my senior year (I'm a 5th-yr senior right now). If my mom wants me to do something and I don't want to she gets all pissed off about it and whines about how it'll help me in an undefined 'someday' that I'm pretty sure isn't coming.
I met this waitress at a restaurant who was beautiful. I gave her my email. She sent me an email, but I didn't find out until three weeks later. I did reply, but she hasn't gotten back to me. I'm almost afraid to try again.
I'm honestly tired of caring. The only thing I want to do right now is run away and join a railroad. (Joining the circus is too cliched, after all.)
This. This right here. Every time I've been doing really well in life (or at least by my standards) I screw something up. Yes, me. I do something stupid that gets people angry at me or me at myself. It's self-inflicted and arguably accidental most of the time.
What's worse is when people give you a choice between two unpleasant things, or force you into doing something. Right now I'm having college problems because I had to either go into the Navy or college after high school. So to college I went with no idea what I wanted to do and the idea that what I had picked out as a major (randomly) I could stick with.
Boy was I wrong. Now I'm depressed and failing classes left and right. I tried to change my major but my parents nixed the idea since I was in my senior year (I'm a 5th-yr senior right now). If my mom wants me to do something and I don't want to she gets all pissed off about it and whines about how it'll help me in an undefined 'someday' that I'm pretty sure isn't coming.
I met this waitress at a restaurant who was beautiful. I gave her my email. She sent me an email, but I didn't find out until three weeks later. I did reply, but she hasn't gotten back to me. I'm almost afraid to try again.
I'm honestly tired of caring. The only thing I want to do right now is run away and join a railroad. (Joining the circus is too cliched, after all.)
>>The only thing I want to do right now is run away and join a railroad. (Joining the circus is too cliched, after all.)
Depending on where you live, wildfire-fighting usually pays well. The pay is meant to compensate for the fact that, for months and months at a time, you live in a spartan barracks out in the middle of nowhere.
I knew a guy who worked through college doing that during the summers. Only left the woods at the end of the season.