I don't even know where to start. Ok, here goes:
I have 20 years of life and I feel like I've wasted them.
This because during my whole teenage years I didn't experience life at all. The fact that I didn't date at all totally depresses me. The reason why...not even I know it for sure. I got one or two oportunities to engage on some sort of relationship but I shook them away because I felt like it was wrong. I felt my insides twisting, like saying it wasn't going to work. By other words, I didn't really like the guys.
I know this is a very common problem: I like people that aren't into to me, and the few that've shown affection to me I didn't care for them at all. I know I have a full life ahead of me, but if in 20 years I got any luck, and the first 20 are the most precious...at least that's what I think, now that I realised I've wasted them (by wasted i mean...I didn't achieve anything worth looking back for. Is this how life is susposed to be lived? Like I'm just a passer-by?)....
I feel like i'm being neglected by the whole society...my friends aren't my friends...no guy looks at me like i'm a really awsome girl...and deep inside, I know I am one. Not physically...I'm not exactly hot (cute-ish) or have a perfect body (too skinny). My health keeps falling down in the most stressful moments (during exams season, or any other situation that makes a lot of pression, i get asma and the my alergy gets worse, etc)...I feel like I'm wasting my talent on music (i can learn the basis of any instrument really quick, but I never develop because I lack confidence - my family isn't exactly the best support) - I'm on college studying something I don't want to take as my full-time job (I just wish I could go back 5 years, you know?), because I'm more into artistic/creative stuff...I love comedy, I love writting (on fanfiction.net, at least, tons of people say I awsome at it), I love playing music, but I feel like I can only do that stuff - writting and playing as a hobbie, because I dont have the guts to go forward with it, so I lie to myself and think I would never get good enough to live on through it.
I know I shouldn't have reasons to complain, that I just should raise my head and face everything, but its not that easy...I cant just throw away this 2 years I spent on college and the money my parents invested on it...it would be fair to me but not to them...and I know its my life, but I totally respect my parents and...well, im completely gutless. thats the truth...im a coward. I cannot embrace a dream and fullfil it. And i feel like not having found someone like me...someone that at least understands this...because honestly i never really told this to anyone...it ruins me. I...well, sorry for wasting your time on this, I really had to throw this out somewhere to be honest with myself...I'd appreciate some ideas...something to let me live through this depressing life...that I cover by being this cheery girl on college who likes to make people laugh.
I see where you're coming from with this. I can't tell you how common it is, but other people do have this problem.(I'm one such person, but I get more angry about it that sad)
And I'd certainly love to tell you that there's some cure-all answer to this problem, but if there is, I certainly don't know it, or else I wouldn't be having it either.
The thing about writing or playing music, is that you really CAN'T get by on just that starting off. Luckily for you though, I've heard from various professional writers that as long as you keep publishing your stuff, if it's good, there will always be people to read it.(Perhaps what people say about you on fancfiction.net is an example of this?)
Also, while some employers are interested in a specific degree, most care more about the fact that you had the discipline to go to college and finish that degree. So when you get some job that DOESN'T pertain to your degree, you can still do writing or music or whatever else in your spare time.
So I would change your major to something more relevant to your interests. I found myself more interested in what I was learning when I made a change like that, and I felt like I wasn't wasting my time.(I went from chemistry to computer science)
And before you exclude my example because it's two "practical" fields I made a change between, let me say this: I still made a change from what would be the best employment opportunity to what's more relevant to my interests.(The region i live in has a shortage of chemists, which pay very well starting off)
Cheer up girl!
I advise you to conclude with the degree you're doing. What is it? You don't necessarily will end up working on it. Alternatively, you might try to work for a while and then do the course that adjusts to your preferences.
As for the relationship, I'd suggest to try a club or a sport to expand your social circle.
Also, do not think of success as those social standards but what you feel like doing.
In alice in wonderland, when alice met the cheshire cat and asks whwhat path to take the cat asks her back "where do you want to go?". Alice answered, it doesn't matter to which the cat replied then it doesn't matter the way you go.
Even if your life had been wasted, what follows depends on you so think about where you want to be and this should make clear the way to go.
Well, I'm 27 and probably doing a little bit better then you. I did four years in the Navy, three years to get my AA and I will be getting a Bachlors in Environmental Studies next year. I have a boyfriend, and we've been dating for about four months now. I used to be like you, felt that my life was just going nowhere. I felt that I my fear and anxieties were holding me back to what I could accomplish, which is the world.
Perhaps the best advice i could tell you is to
The fact is I lead the life of an introvert, but I'm not introverted at all. I am an extrovert that loves to go out and do things, and I feel like i'm a failure if I'm sitting around wasting my time. So I've decided to do my best to reconnect with my friends and do things that keep me busy like volunteer. I'm not saying you have to go out and keep busy but do the things you want to do. Sit and read if you like that, watch anime, play video games. Go out and dance if you like that. Don't hold yourself back.
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You're right, I should stick to my major and graduate. I should work on it after and earn a stable life.
And maybe from that point, I'll begin thinking of how to explore my talents - I'll keep them as hobbies, but maybe I'll find a way to take them into a bigger level if things go well - Maybe write a book, or such.
I quite am the girl who likes to have fun (although I hate dancing) - I love to have a laugh and haging out with friends, but I just spend too much time at home...because lately no one invites me to anything....just a casual meeting from time to time. Maybe when school starts things will change...I'm not sure.
I just feel like I have a lot to show to the world but it keeps shutting me down...
FUTURE WAITS FOR NOONE
OP, i am having the same problem as you. as a child, i wasted my days on tv and what few video games i had. my parents were and still are very strict; i rarely get to see my friends, and even now in my 4th year of college at 21 years old, i still have a curfew, among a great many things. for more than 3/4 of the year, i drown myself in my studies (i'm computer engineering, it's so difficult) and i never allow myself any free time. my true passion is art; i want to start practicing again, now having realized how short life really is, but school and responsibilities at home are proving to be great obstacles. Nonetheless...
I believe in myself and know that I will overcome all this shit. Believe in yourself OP. Responsibilities and commitments may weigh you down, but I know you can find a way to pursue what you really want to do, somehow.
Don't give up OP. You and I have plenty of time to fucking rock this world.