Family vs. Family (4)

1 Name: Natural : 2008-10-02 00:05 ID:0T4R925d

Starts off with my family and my boyfriend's family. His family believes in living all natural with organic foods, no antibiotics, no doctors, and all that stuff that's considered "conspiracy." (I'd go into more detail, but that's even longer.)

My mother only sees what they're doing as "evil" and "wrong." I am forbidden to go to his house anymore because they gave my vitamin C without confirming it with her (vitamins, they thought were not something that needed reporting). She worries that they're going to give me all sorts of things and tell me a load of nonsense that has no importance (back to the "conspiracies" and all that jazz).

Problem with me, I guess, is that I believe what they believe in and not what my mother says to be right. What they go by makes more sense. Even so, I can't win either way. By wanting to live their far more healthy lifestyle, my mother gets immensely infuriated, but on the other hand, having to listen to my mother makes them concerned for me.

Both sides love and care for me, but I can't pick a side in fear of losing the other. Well, my mother has been adding loads of stress upon me due to the fact that she always brings up a lot of crap about his family every day. It feels like I wake up and fall asleep to her griping and belligerent speeches.

With him, he used to constantly gripe about how my mother is "killing" me. I spoke to him about it and told him how him mentioning that is only adding to the stress that my mother is already pressuring onto me. Thankfully, with our amazing relationship, he realized what he was doing and stopped all the commenting and instead focused on how to help me. No pressure from him anymore. Now it's just dealing with my mother.

Due to me barely being underage but still enough to be under her control, I have to do what she says or else I will have my belongings taken away. What I'm told to do, I am fearful of doing so due to what I have learned and what I know. Truthfully, I wonder what's going to happen to me; his family says I am to die sooner by following my mother's lifestyle, my mother says I am to die by only living off of herbs, organics, and no medicine.

Here's my predicament, my confusion, my loss. I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of a massive tug-o'-war with both sides pulling with no hope of release.

2 Name: Anonymous : 2008-10-02 09:14 ID:mU/5gXXQ

Listen to yourself. You're living your life, not your mother's or your boyfriend's. Don't feel like you have any obligation to either one. The only issue is that you're underage, but as you get older you can act on your independance more.

If it appears that choosing one side means that you lose the other side, then that is decision you have to make, and only you can make it.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2008-10-02 10:38 ID:Heaven

>>1
There's nothing you can do until you are of age to make your own decisions. Shit sucks, but that's how it works. To me, both sides sound idiotic. If you want to live without seeing doctors or taking medicine, feel free. You'll die quicker either way since you're not taking the best of both available worlds. Eat healthily but get medical help if you need it. I think most of this will clear up for you once you grow up some. It seems like one of those MY MOM WON'T LET ME DO WHAT I WANT BAWWWWWW problems.

4 Name: Anonymous : 2008-10-02 22:35 ID:ANjGW2i6

>>1
Does your mother have problems with you growing up? Maybe you have to ease her in on the thought, that you are making your own decisions. Not necessarily on the "herbal" front, as that's sort of a fundamental thing, but on other preferably small things. Go against the flow, where it won't likely spark a debate. Also there is no "problem" with you believing something in any way, you have the right to draw conclusions on your experience.

>I have to do what she says or else I will have my belongings taken away

If I were you I wouldn't bring it up by myself, but should it ever come up again make it clear to her, that this would have very serious consequences. Think about how you are feeling about this statement right now, how you'd feel/what you'd do if she did it and relate it to her in a serious and calm tone.
Personally, I regard this statement as a threat and invasion of private space, fueled by fear over your well being.

On your well being: Neither style of living will hurt you in the foreseeable time, so relax. You won't die sooner, it's just the old folks talking who have forgotten just how much a young body can take. You will be fine, as long as you move out and get to live your own way before you're 26. I think you have a few years time, so don't make any hard choices, that you might regret later.
So I do say you should respect her ban on his families house, as any unhealthy living isn't as bad as a break of trust.

On your boyfriends family: Surely well meant, but frankly said "none of their business". Maybe your boyfriend could have a quiet word with his head of family about your freedom of lifestyle, too.

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