Mood Swings (4)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2009-01-06 06:57 ID:gukH34UQ

My boyfriend has frequent mood swings. He's in a good mood about 60% of the time, but can switch to extreme anger in a matter of seconds. This happens, on average, every other day.

What usually triggers this explosion is a discussion about university entrance. He's told me that he's afraid he won't be able to enter the same school as me, and that he's worried he's holding me back.

He seems fine for the first minute or so into the discussion, but quickly slides into anger and depression, refusing to speak to his friends and family for a few hours (and when he's forced to, his tone is quite nasty). I understand that he's concerned, but I think this reaction is a bit too much, considering how long it's been... (i.e. the first few times is reasonable, but it's been happening for 8 months now...)

As you can imagine, this kind of topic is impossible to avoid for long.

Even if I broke up with him, I'd still worry about this as a friend, so don't look at this from a romantic angle.

What do you think I should do?

2 Name: Anonymous : 2009-01-06 09:53 ID:deMHoaSZ

Anger/stress management classes. Convince him to take them.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2009-01-06 13:16 ID:CfzUtlzq

like >>2 says, plus remedial classes to actually make it to the university he's applying for.

Besides, there may be other options in case of failure. Have you actually considered them?

4 Name: Anonymous : 2009-01-06 14:04 ID:6/ClLACn

Well the sad part is that it could be some kind of anger management.

When I was a kid (I don't really even remember it) I was very coleric, subject to sudden accesses of anger. I guess I learned to socialize correctly by being avoidant when the unreasonable anger shows up. Sure, it leads to some passive-aggressive behavior, which I'm trying to keep under control; but I believe it's the only way to keep a "normal" relationship with people without being the guy you can't speak to unless you want to be yelled at. Now it doesn't happen that much, but I know for example when I have discussions about my personal life or such, I quickly realize I have to crawl back in my shell to shield myself as much as shielding loved ones from a possible backfire. And if you try to pull me out, I'll show teeth.

I'm telling you this because your boyfriend might not be avoiding the topic because of the topic, but because he doesn't know how to handle it with reason. If this is the case, the only way to proceed would be to go very smoothly, and not to show confrontational behaviour (because that's what it's about). Like >>3 said, find solutions, help him without telling "i'm helping you", etc. Oh, and don't hesitate when the conversation is not heated to talk about his behaviour towards anger/aggression, again, not in a confrontational way. Some people that act like this are totally aware of it (even if they don't necessarily control it).

This thread has been closed. You cannot post in this thread any longer.