Disclaimer: I realise it's kinda dumb to ask for advice on internet. I probably won't follow it. I can say that I wouldn't write this if I didn't see how shitty other threads here are as my excuse. I probably just want someone to talk to.
So here we go.
I am almost 20, I live in a poor eastern european ex USSR country. I am trying to set my life straight, but, well, I have a fuckton of mistakes to correct. I am stronger than average here, smarter, too, I dare say (or is it daresay? would someone correct me PLEASE?). However, I only have 3 people I can call "friends". I don't seem to be able to make more - I either discard potential friends as not being good enough or am not accepted for unknown reasons. I was bullied at school, I was/am socially retarded (not a virgin, but that's a different story, and believe me, healthy relationship is not what it was). I probably don't believe in myself - I compensate for this being extremely picky and snappy with others. I train in martial arts and keep myself in a good physical condition (maybe slightly more fat than I'd like to be, although not overweight - I'm thinking about going for gothninja look) - but that's 90% because I was bullied and am compensating, I think. I'm a student at one of the state's best universities, though my marks are barely enough not to get thrown the fuck out. TL;DR - I'm fucked up, how do I unfuck myself?
Also, if I get a green card, will I be able to serve in the military and get a free ticket to educationland?
Think of the good things (I know this doesn't help for shit if you're actually depressed or anything but still). For one, your English skills are so good that no one would have noticed that it's not your native language if you hadn't pointed out that you're not from an English-speaking country.
Thanks. I actually work as a translator sometimes. But the problem here is not depression. I get moody often, but that's because everything's so unbearably dirty, bleak and disgusting here this time of the year. I just find myself to be unable to cope with reality, so I retreat into imaginary worlds. Not like manga worlds, more like idealised reality. It's kinda hard to explain via text. I often find myself trying to fit into the "nerdy *chan user" stereotype to justify lack of social life somehow, even though I realise it will not make me happy or contended with myself. I also often push people who are trying to get closer to me away and then get horribly jealous when they get on with someone else. I then try to find some friends through internet, but then realise that I don't have anything to share with anyone except practical advice, and even then it can be easily found on internet or in literature. Maybe I'm just an asshole and a coward who is running from life, maybe I feel I have nothing to give to others, I don't know.
...wow that post was long. I'm one wordy bastard tonight.
congratulations, you are me. minus the strenght part. I'm a wimpy bastard. In conclusion I can not help you with your problems sorry...
You shouldn't go around saying you fail at life so easily. It makes us lesser beings feel even worse.
I am almost 20, <--- Lots of time left. At least you aren't middle-aged.
I live in a poor eastern european ex USSR country. <----Sounds pretty bad, but not specifically your fault. I would put this as one of the things to be fixed though, right?
I am stronger than average here, smarter, too, <---Definitely not 'fail'. I think a lot of people here (maybe even me) can agree with the smarter than average, but not with the 'stronger than average'.
I only have 3 people I can call "friends". <---I have zero. Not going to harp on you about it, but I heard somewhere that if you find even one friend you can really trust, you're doing okay. ‘Quality over quantity’ or something clichéd like that.
but that's 90% because I was bullied and am compensating <---Who cares what the reason is anymore? Just keep up the good work. Thoughts like that only get you unnecessarily down. It may keep you stupid, but you should probably just avoid thinking about it. I've never experienced living as someone not self-conscious, but I think that's how their brains work.
I'm a student at one of the state's best universities, though my marks are barely enough not to get thrown the fuck out. <---Given that you said you were smarter than most, that must be a pretty hard school. I would try throwing myself into my studies (although social life may suffer a bit) to work on the grades. You could also try switching to a different school, going straight to work, etc. Depends on what you want to do. As >>2 said, the fact that you speak English should open doors for you.
Also, if I get a green card, will I be able to serve in the military and get a free ticket to educationland? <---I hate the army and know nothing about it, but this may help you: http://www.uscitizenship.info/citizenship-library.htm
I'm fucked up, how do I unfuck myself? <---I think you're doing pretty well, all in all. Just what do you want fixed? Your country? Your social life? Your grades?
>>1 the best way to unfuck yourself is to develop your social skills, since you are obviously relationally starved. And in order to do so you have to develop a more generous outlook on people. They may be imperfect sinful creatures, but they have their bright sides that an inquisitive mind can appreciate. Mind you, it often takes more bravery to appreciate than to reject someone. You are obviously an idealist, but in terms of relationships I suggest that a more naturalistic approach is advisable: appreciate the rich and rugged reality over an idealized perfection that is conceptually poor.
Also, do yourself a favor, and skip the army. There are plenty of opportunities for smart people that don't involve becoming cannon fodder. Use you brain on that issue. And do work on your grades, as long as you study
I'm not certain if it's as common as in the cold war era, but well-functioning nations (an oxymoron) tend to give better immigration opportunities to the talented; ideally one could get a job before arrival. This aplies doubly for scientists, programmers, and teachers (art too?).
OP, I worry though,why do you wish to emmigrate? Nations are unstable and in ecomomic crisis; unless you are personally threatened you must decide this on facts and not illusions of entertainment.
Good luck, brother idealist.
The US is going to shit. Why would you want a green card now?
I thought that almost every east european country is an EU member.
You don't need a visa to move to london for example.
why don't you do it?
Because many members of the ex USSR are not (yet) part of the EU. If his country was in the EU, there would be no need for a visa.
>art too?
In Canada, if you're into cinema/video games industry. Although if you're very talented, you can probably find a job anywhere in art stuff.