I got molested by my cousin when I was younger (3-4 years old that I remember he could've been doing it before I could remember. He was older like maybe 10-12).
He tried to force me to do things to him orally and he tried to penetrate me but couldn't, I never told. I began to act out, I started doing it to people. Family friends is who it happened with younger girls and my young cousin (male) (I was a teen) and I felt bad after touching them, each one was one time, they don't remember and we are still close and wouldn't do that to them ever again. I'm 28 now and during my late teens and early adulthood I realized what I did and that it was bad. I haven't touched a child since I was a teen but still feel bad and it eats me up inside.
I was also assaulted as a teen (13-14) by a 30 something year old guy, who tried to rape me but couldn't penetrate, after he performed cunnilingus, he tried to vaginally and anally rape me. He also tried to kill me by breaking my neck, my neck popped loudly and the only way I got him to let off was that I said I had to pee. I've only ever told my girlfriend about this... It still haunts me. Fuck you Steven Terrell Smith.
I played with my young cousin's penis and put my breast in his mouth both very briefly (I can't remember ages but I know I was older).
I touched a family friend's vagina briefly, she was 5-6 and I was like 12 I believe.
I touched another family friend's vagina very briefly. I was 16 and she was very young. I couldn't remember the age.
I did something to another family friend by licking her anus briefly.
I felt bad after every instance and I have never told anyone. I asked God for forgiveness, but I can't seem to forgive myself and still feel guilty but it's in the past.
I know there wasn't and isn't any attraction to children, I know I did it because it was done to me. I thought it normal for a moment each time and then I stopped and either cut myself or punished myself in some form.
I never got turned on or wet at the thought of touching a child, in my mind it was normal and had to be done. I was also going through some mental health issues from 8-into my adulthood (unsure if it had anything to with molesting or being molested).
I am be very sorry for what I did and I'm sorry to who I did it to. I justbhope that they didn't do it to someone else because it's fucked up. I didn't know any better and I hope they didn't do it to someone else, that would kill me. Feels good to get it off of my chest and my mind. Fuck what dried up cunt bitches like Amber and that other prick say and how they feel about it.
I know that I've grown up and grown as a person. I know it will never happen again, but the guilt from when it happened and what I did still gets me, not as much as t used to because again it's in the past.
We are all adults now (except my younger cousin). We are all cool, but it still eats me because I don't/didnt want them anything to hurt someone
I still suffer as an adult sexually, I have gotten oral sex from 8 guys that I don't know and had sex with countless women. I still suffer from mental health issues (anxiety, depression, psyclothymia), but like I said I am not and was not ever attracted to children. I doubt any of you guys who admitted it are/were attached to kids because if you were you would still be doing it. You're not a monster, you just fucked up.
-Kasey