Well, i know this place is always flooded with bulletins, about people being sad and everything; hell i even posted one myself a few months back.
Now skip past everything all the drama and the angst of talking about your depression, going to the hospital, getting checked out by a psychiatrist, etc,etc. I am currently in the 11th grade(yes i know im young) and my mother suggested to my principal that i take the rest of the year off.
So, here i am, doing nothing almost every single day, which is blissful for me, but however also very troubling. You see i was suppose to take this time out, to figure out what i want to do in my life (apparently one of the psychiatric evaluations said i was indifferent to life, which i am, but thats for another thread somewhere else)
so its been about 1 and half month, and day by day, hour by hour, seems to just go on.
I really suck at deciding my future, and planning stuff out, and im still really depressed (mom doesnt believe in pills, also subject for another thread)
so any comments or ideas?
I'll try to keep it short.
I would have killed myself years ago if I didn't have hope that I actually might live long enough to see the end of the world. If that happens, it would make do with all shit in my life.
Goddamnit, it was ment to say "Pills used to treat depression are NOT roofers.
Tell your mom that she's not a doctor and can go blow herself if she won't let you take meds that could be genuinely helpful.
OP, make sure to stay mentally active. You hopefully have internet all of the time, so study what you love. Go to libraries. Live! I feel as dead as >>2, always have, but I know that not everyone does, and that things can be better. The only elegance to life is in the striving for our goals, not the strife and inevitable collapses.
I didn't trust pills myself, but that was a family thing. Now I'm on them, and I feel... exactly the same. Results are not typical. Frak. Still, they helped for a while, and as long as you plan to work your way off of them and not end up in a shitty situation (that takes more work than luck) pills will help you rise about the ennui.
>>2 already tried to kill myself 4 times (yes i know thats a lot, and its a fucking miracle how i survived each time)
>>5 its still kinda hard to do anything nowadays. i cant seem to focus, i just live out my day. i dont really have the drive to do anything except come on the internet to do random task.
Do you have any money, OP? I can suggest you try and travel. Go somewhere spiritual and out of this world, like India. I've been there many times and it's a life changing experience. You'll never look at humanity or your own existence ever again. Life will have a point.
If not, what I can suggest is you keep active as much as you can. It's strange a doctor would suggest you actually take a "year off". If anything, that would promote procrastination. I'd be worried that sitting around every day taking it easy would become too relaxing and easy that you'd have trouble getting back to real life. But that's me.
If you have a job, that's good. If not I'd suggest that, perhaps. This way you're at least going to be physically active and waste a few hours a day. You can easily go mad if you spend day after day on the internet, and believe me, I know. I did the same thing for 7 years of my life after getting kicked out of high school. I just slacked off, played video games and browsed the internet. Such a waste of time and it nearly ruined my life. I eventually got a job, saved money and backpacked around Asia and South America for a year. Now I have a nice job, shit doesn't make me anxious, and I can live relatively normal.
Don't go down the medication route. Anti-depressants cause more harm than good. If you're feeling down find something to sink time into other than mindless browsing. Read books, find a second hobby, smoke pot. Just do anything to remind yourself depression is a state of mind and isn't real. Eventually you'll get back onto track and live life again.
Like somebody said above, in the end life is eating and shitting, just like any animal on this planet. We all go to school, get degrees, get jobs, retire and die. Life itself is pretty bland. But it's what we do in between these phases of existence that defines what life is. Don't drown in cynicism, because it's easy to do that. We all know the world is filled with appalling evils. You can't change that (though you can dedicate time to making a difference). But you can change what goes on in your daily life. What you do, who you meet, and who you share experiences with. That, in the end, is what life is.
It's like climbing a mountain. There is no real point and you could die from a multitude of reasons, remembered by nobody but a handful of friends and a pile of stones where you dropped. But, if you managed to climb that mountain and make it back down, you'll have stronger friends, more experience, and a lifetime of memories and stories to tell. And, you'll be able to tell people, "Yeah, I did that." Egoistical perhaps, but we all have egos.
>>8 no i dont have any money, technically i do but i cant take money out until im 18,
doctor didnt suggest taking a year off, my mother did. My mom thinks that she can fix any problems by herself, or just family.
thought about traveling, but never got around to it, since we have various financial problems.
Ah...okay. Well, no disrespect for your mom but her idea sucks, haha. Taking a vacation from life's responsibilities won't help. It will only serve distract you from anything that was originally bothering you in the first place. Then when your year of relaxation is up, real life punches you in the face and you're back into the daily grind. If you're going to be stuck at home for a year, I'd suggest getting a part time job at the very least. It will help kill time and you'll have some cash in your pocket to have fun with.
As for planning out your future, all you really need to think about is college/university. You'll need a degree within the next few years if you expect to find a secure job. Take it easy until then, but do some research about it. Once you hit 18 you should have an idea what you want to study, and hopefully be in classes by 19. If the life of school + degree + job sounds depressing...unfortunately it's the reality for every one of us. I'd rather work for a degree than unskilled 9-5 labour all life. For example, I loved movies all my life, so I studied journalism in school and became a video journalist. Now I travel all over the world for some French news company.
Nobody but yourself can fix your problems. Your family can help you along the way, but only your own self determination will change anything you have problems with. Whatever stands in your way can be knocked down, you just need a reason, however superficial, to keep trying.
I just wanted to add that you got to do what you think is best for yourself. For me, antidepressants are the only way to keep on living. Other's smoke pot, molest animals or some such.
True story:
I have a friend who constantly, albeit lovingly, keeps critizising the fact that I've accepted that, if nothing changes, pills [legal, btw] are what keep my gears running. He suggests that I should go jogging or swimming or running in circles at the yard, he thinks these things have the magical power to 'cure' people. And every time I remind him that I have a bad knee, that I physically can't even walk fast, and that if I went swimming, the result would be that I'd still be depressed but also tired. I really do not see any point in going out, walking or running, for an hour just to end up in the same place I left. But hey, that seems to work for him, so I suppose it's good.. for him.
You know, at times I hear people claiming that exercising and a healthy diet will cure name-any-ailment for good. If that for some reason wouldn't work, then joining some weirdo cult will do the trick. I beg your pardon, but those people are either ridiculously stupid or then just retarded. That's when I ask them: 'Then why do people, who are in good physical health, still have mental/physical problems? Why this also applies to people on a healthy diet or to religious people? Because they are not magical cures for diseases'.
Jogging isn't going to help if you have a toothache. Praying isn't going to help if you have cancer. Eating carrots isn't going to heal necrosis. I'm not saying that some people couldn't find comfort from a religion, running around the block or eating strawberries, but I am saying that they will not work on everyone. If they did, then we wouldn't be having this conversation.
>>10 also no offense to you also, but have you ever suffered from depression. Seriously take no offense to this, but its kinda impossible to have a happy go luck attitude such as yours (and also i mean this is as non-disrespectful as possible) while having depression. It pretty much takes all my energy just to get out of bed without crying (exaggerating a little bit).
>>10 However the job idea didnt seem to bad, spending my time doing something while also pocketing some money.
>>11 sounds like you understand what im going through.
Of course I have, I wouldn't have offered advice otherwise. I understand what you're going through a lot, I'm just addressing it from somebody who has experienced that and since "conquered" my problems.
I spent a good number of years in my life severely depressed after sexual abuse as a child. It almost ruined my life and even killed me. However, after many years of thinking in solitude I came to the conclusion that life has to move on. And no amount of pills or therapy will help, only my own urge to change. After quitting my medications and spending a couple months getting together, I went to school and graduated. I figured why sulk when I can help change other peoples lives.
Best of luck to you.
I once quit school for a few months (although it was not really with approval of my parents). I basically just stayed home and there was not much my parents could do about it. This had been going on for a few years.
Eventually I got tired of doing nothing with my life and promised myself I would do better in the next year. What really helped me was exercising. I would spend at least an hour every day (light) training to get into shape. It gave me more energy and it's also actually somewhat addictive and enjoyable once you get into a proper routine. If you are able to do so I would suggest doing it outdoors or in a gym, but at home is fine too (I had a training bike in a room with a TV, and synchronized my training with my favorite TV shows). Also, don't give up if you miss training, it won't undo any training you do afterwards.
As for the mental aspect of it, can't say much other than that depression is usually temporary (even though it might not seem that way), and even though life might suck, doing something is still more fun than just staying home all day.
>>11 It sounds to me like you've never actually tried working out. I think you don't understand what people are trying to tell you. Of course jogging won't cure a tooth ache, but excersizing and eating healthy will make you feel better and give you more energy. I didn't used to believe that it was true myself, but I've experienced the effects first hand.
A while ago I also spent a year shut in to my room, I suffered from depression and I thought about ending my life. Eventually I decided to change my life for the better though and started going outside, eating healthy, working and going back to school.
Sometimes I still want to stay in my room and not go out, but overall my life has improved ten fold. Now I socialize and I have a beautiful girlfriend who loves me. No matter how shitty life can be, actually going out and doing something still beats living like some wanna be hikikomori anyday. At least when you go out there are always chances of great things happening, even if they rarely happen, at least there will be the chance.
i exercise daily, and not the whole, running to the end of your block exercise, its like intense sparring kind of exercise (i take martial arts) it doesnt really help me, its kinda of like going on the internet, i just focus on something for a while and then i snap back into my depression.
i need something else besides "workout" advice, while it does help some people, ive already tried it, and it doesnt help that much.
also doesnt help my depression, knowing that almost all of my grandparents are dying or already dead.
>>15
Actually I did excercise 'till my knee went bad. That was about 10 years ago. I got diagnosed with depression when I was ten, so that's about 20 years ago. I do realize what people are trying to say when they talk about working out. I also do hope that you realize what I've been trying to say. Feeling blue isn't the same as being depressed. Everyone feels down every now and then, but depression goes far beyond that. My serotonin levels are low and that's where the pills come in. They balance those levels to the point that I don't constantly think about killing myself - only few times a day.
Another strange thing is that, at times, people recommend me to find a woman for myself. First of all, I don't like humans, and secondly, I really don't think it would be fair for me to start messing with somebody else's life when I can barely control mine. I'm not that codependent. There are enough double homicides as it is already. Besides, I don't feel the need to have people around me. Sure I'd like to find a soulmate, but that takes two. No matter how many women I would have liked to start seeing, it's no good if they don't feel likevice. And, in case you missed it, I can't jog. It's a good day if I don't feel pain here and there for few hours.
I have no reason in my life. I have no goals to aim for. All of my dreams have died long ago and I've accepted that. I'm not going to be a tall, handsome fellow who enjoys the finer things in life. The only way I could get something to live for, except for the previously mentioned reason, is that I would win big time in the lottery. It's pretty hard to enjoy life when you live hand-to-mouth each day, never knowing if you'll be able to pay the rent on time. And no, it isn't an option just to get a work. Each week hundreds of people get fired in here, and there's an official total of ~ 300 000 unemployed, highly educated people. There just simply aren't ANY jobs that would get you anything beyond 5 days of work for 8 € per day. The whole country's gone to hell since -95 and things are looking grimmer each year. No wonder we rank in the top three in the suicide statistics. I mean, people who have graduaded from a university work at the local gas stasion as a part time employee. If that isn't something, then I don't know what is.
look up a product called "giggle pills", those will make anyone's day hilarious. just take two, and ONLY two, or you'll end up with heart palpitations.
You're missing the point. Exercise would serve to improve both physical and mental health. There is a reason it's practised. Take Tai chi chuan for example.
Honestly, it's been a long time since I've met anybody as cynical and hopeless. You've obviously been beaten down for so long that you've convinced yourself that every human being is evil and the world is a terrible place. Guess what, it isn't so. We as a species are indeed quite a sadistic bunch, but the world is not this doom and gloom picture you've painted in your mind.
Yes, unemployment is high these days. Graduates are having troubles finding jobs. Wages suck and there is no security. The reason? It's the simple ebb and flow of society. Every generation has a recession or general economic downturn.
Find whatever the core of your problems is and fix it. Why are you depressed, why are you poor, why are you alone. Instead of spending your days immersing in self loathing and discussing it online to obtain anonymous pity, you could devote some of it to improving your situation.
Mind you, I'm not trying to put you down. I was in the exact same situation a few years ago, spending at least 6 years virtually alone after experiencing some traumatic stuff. It was only when an anonymous doppelgänger said "I fixed myself after realizing sitting alone and talking about it online wasn't going to fix anything."
>>19 1/2
I take it that you did read my previous posts, but didn't get my point. Exercising is not my thing, let alone an option. I could go walking outside to feel the grisp loving of mother nature while she showers me with her - 25 C breezes, but that would propably just bring me down. And as money plays a significant role in my activities, paying for someone to let me do something I don't want to do in the indoors doesn't sound a good idea either. Exercise might help people, like my friend, but it isn't a magical mystery tour to sanity. If that was the case, then everyone would be as fit and happy as could be.
You call it being cynical and without hope, I call it being realistic. Life sucks and some people just don't see that as a positive chance to find inner peace or a connection with cosmos. I do consider humankind as a pestilence that should be put down, but so what? Everyone has their own opinions about things and all I can do is share my point of view. I've never claimed that I would be able to speak absolute truths about anything, but I think it's safe to assume that I have some good points in my otherwise long-winged yapperings. Your writing seems to indicate that exercise is a cure for all sorts of ailments as when I've tried to stress that it might help occasionally, but not always or on anything [or then I misread the content for which I would apologize]. To me the world is a place that could be heaven for everyone, but has ended being hell for most of us and the only people we can accuse is ourselves. Therefore human race is evil. This planet is a den of stinking evil, we really could use some butt-kicking for goodness.
Ah, my problems. I do know what my problems are, the problem of these problems is that they can't be fixed. I can not have a fresh body for myself. Over all, my body is like a failed experiement. It could get worse only by complete paralyzation and aids with cancer. This prison of mine can not be fixed. I haven't seen sanity on sale anywhere and the only place I've seen intelligence bottled was in Angband. Well, I'm not a retard, but I sure ain't the smartest peanut in the turd either. I simply do not understand math, physics or grammar. All they do is look like gibberish. It's like trying to figure out what squirrels think. And because I never understood how these subjects work, I never got far enough in school to get a proper job. Not that it would matter when things are like they are now, but still.
>>19 2/2
I am depressed because all I have faced is immorality, injustice and poopie heads. My body is like a 1968 Toyota and my serotonin levels are deemed low. I'm poor because I don't have a rich daddy or a job. I'm alone because I don't think it a good idea to date some airhead whome I couldn't appreciate. Besides, how could I stand someone else if I barely can stand myself? Sorry, that was repeated. I don't want pity, it's irrelevant. I've written only because I thought that, perhaps, I could raise some new thought, mainly for OP, but others as well. Sure it also helps me to 'think aloud' my own thoughts, not to mention the practice of English I also get. And I have been trying to improve my situation. I'm attending.. uh,
'upper secondary school for adults' where I'm trying to finish them unfinished studies. It's an idiotic system, requiring me to understand how foreign grammatics work, who ruled what part of Dingadonga somewhere in the antique or figuring out how many trucks will be filled with apples if each apple is dried and pulverized. All this so that I can get back to my further professional educations. It's frustrating.
Life isn't black 'n white. People aren't either happy or sad, healthy or ill, beautiful or ugly. People are just people and each of them have their own problems, their own flaws and strengths. Life would possibly be more toleratable if people used their ability to think from another perspective at times. It seems that most are furiously fixated on their own point of view and refuse to see other PoV's. Once that kind of a person has made up their mind, there's nothing that can make them change their thoughts about it. History is an extremely important player in the present, but when those who have the power to do things differently, nationally or even globally, are the kind of people who refuse to see the flaws of their actions, well, it is depressing.
For the record: these, of course, are just the way I see the world, from my point of view. I am always open for other ideas, ways of thinking with the small requirement of tenability.
No, mate, you're just somebody with too much time to think. You've convinced yourself to believe this view of the world. When - Buddhist monks for example - enter solitude as part of their learning, they're not wallowing in self despair, picking out and analyzing everything wrong with humanity. They're doing the complete opposite; looking for everything GOOD in humans and how to achieve it.
Dostoyevsky once said something relating to this. He wrote that the more he loved humanity as a whole, the more he hated individual man. Indeed, individually we're capable of unspeakable evils. But as a collective society, we're all driven by an underlying urge to live in peace with each other, and live life the best we can. You can't pick out the worst of us and consider the remaining 6 billion people to be these shit stains you see them as.
Take a moment to analyze your own thoughts here. You hate humanity, you hate yourself, you hate everything. You've no hope for the future. Would you not be better of killing yourself? If existence is so evil, why do you continue to exist? If you were to disappear tomorrow, nobody would notice. Perhaps you lack enough evil or courage of your own to take your own life.
Okay, so physical exercise clearly isn't your thing. Why not devote some time to finding something that IS? You can't rely on medication forever. When I was diagnosed with depression and hebephrenic schizophrenia, my serotonin levels were also deemed low. I spent from age 8 to 20 on just about every medication you could think of. It wasn't until I realized that popping pills and complaining about my life on sites like this wasn't going to help. In fact, it only makes it worse. Instead, I stopped all medications, went to school and found a job.
If you're still in school and plan on going to university, good. Find a field that interests you and get that degree. My sister, whom was often raped and beaten as a child, recently graduated university with a degree in social work. Now she travels throughout Africa helping rape victims of war. Once in your shoes, she bettered herself and now devotes her time helping those who otherwise don't have a voice.
It seems to me that you're just a introvert without any life experience, even the most basic. I understand your point of view - I was in your shoes once - but, as arrogant as it sounds, it's all wrong. For every evil act that has been committed, there have been 1000 positive ones. You can't spend your life over analyzing everything wrong we've done, or you'll probably go insane. Consider everything to be a learning experience to gain from, rather than brainwash yourself like you've already started.
I agree, but while doing selfless acts for the sake of humanity is generally the ideal, it is not so easily done by everyone. If he could pick up his life and devote it to helping others, that'd be great, but I doubt he has even the slightest amount of will to do so and may never will. Sometimes, that needs to be accepted as truth; people can't always become 100x better than they were before.
That's not an excuse to not try, though; you don't need to travel to Africa to start humane acts, simply donating money from the safety of your home is an effortless way to contribute to humanity. And this can be the start of a great many more acts of kindness that'll help you feel better about yourself, and see life in a kinder light.
I'm not saying your "realistic" views are wrong either, >>21, but life doesn't have to be gloom and doom up to the day you die; life doesn't have a purpose until you give it one, and as of yet you've been putting off doing so.
i feel as if ive been left out of the loop, that is my thread...
but i someone how find it incredibly amusing
>>24 Talking about the tangents the thread is? You could help by giving a better emotional profile of yourself at current.
I'm sort of in a similar ditch, and it sucks. I don't know how to get up and get back into school, have failed at getting a job (but not stopped trying), like some sort of lost cat. All that helps is maintaining my few human connections, and doing creative things.
I'm drowning here, but it's not the end of my life. Anything that can help, OP.
I'd try applying at schools again, along side jobs. The job market is small now, and if you got into school at least you'd have something to do if you can't find work. You'd have a degree and possibly an entry level position or internship after graduating.
>>25 not entirely sure what your asking here.....
i havent used my head in a while so my analytic skills are a bit down..
>>24 then, to a degree, at least you get fleeting amusement to while the day away...
I know what you mean though. I came out of university in July with a lower degree than anyone expected. As a result all my plans (PhD / research) came to naught. I'm having difficulty (ie failing at) finding work, particularly lab-work, in the area and I don't want to leave the social life I carefully raised these past 5 years.
I'm therefore suffering the ennui of having nothing to work towards (I have a creative streak, but no drive to work on a proper project, thus I get distracted) whilst family advises to re-evaluate my goals, and move away from where I live. I also suffer from acute escapist tendencies and can waste a whole day away daydreaming, then getting angry at my uselessness. If I do even one thing that is useful, the resulting high means I feel satisfied enough to call it a day and stop.
My main fear is getting lost and dead-ending like at least a few of my friends have. The knowledge that they have ended up worse off than I am gives me the little drive I have, callous as that may sound.
I find that I empathise with individuals, but have a low-grade burning resentment for mankind in general. I do believe that as a species we are out of control. I'm not the kind of guy who'd pick up a flamethrower, but I have a bitter little laugh saved up for a man-made apocalypse, just in case.
Seriously, the moment anyone gives up on themselves they are doomed. Otherwise, it's worth going along with whatever. Meh.