Improving my social skills (4)

1 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-03 10:08 ID:+4QcdSUy

I have friends, but they're mostly high school friends so our bond is from high school. I don't find it a problem but everyone meets so many people from work, or school, except me.

I started a part-time job only last year, and I've been going to university for 5 years without break (series of transfers to get to my current university, due to failure). I didn't get a job at first because I didn't want it to conflict with my education, but truly I was just too scared about dealing with people and I had doubts about my skills. I'm not smart, but I managed to get into my current Uni which is quite high-ranked. Procrastination usually gets the worst of me, but I've managed to hang on so far.

I talk to people at work but I've only really made one friend, I added her to my MSN and we actually chat sometimes outside of work. I actually ended up being able to handle talking with people (contrary to my expecations) at work, but it feels so fake when i try to communicate. I don't really like to be the fake kind of guy, but I feel like people can't accept the fact that I like anime, like Japanese culture, like toys and all the nerdy stuff in a western (Canada) culture.

This is the same at school except that it's hard to meet people for me because I don't want to meet people just to copy homework, but I've only made one or two friends in the 2 years I've been at my Uni. People have talked to me or added me online just so they could find out what they missed and such...I don't feel like they really want to be friends since they only ask me about school things. With the other friend I met, we actually talk about stuff about life or just talk (even though we copy homework and stuff).

I don't know what's wrong with me, but I probably have a problem. I feel so disconnected since I'm not into stuff like hockey (since I'm in Canada), Taylor Swift or whatever...

I kept it as brief as I can since I tend to ramble if I don't, I thank everyone in advance for reading this at least.

2 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-03 15:20 ID:aVjXoCfw

Well, being able to communicate amicably is an extension of a genuinely amicable personality (some manipulator's can pull it off, but anyone with half a brain and a sense of caution can detect these people's intentions). But it is also a result of experiences. Mainly, experiences with talking with people and reading their body language.

Keep in mind that you don't have to be "social" to be a good person, or even to avoid being "weird" necessarily, you just have to do your best to be genuinely friendly to others. Then, whatever arises from that will be genuine. You may not have a lot to say, but that isn't always a bad thing.

Just don't be afraid to get your efforts stomped on once in a while. People will not always like you, and some people are just assholes.

Gradually, by trying to relate to others and trying to be friendly, but also trying to calm feelings of anxiety (which repeated interactions will help, assuming you have this), you will become more sociable.

3 Name: Anonymous : 2010-05-03 17:17 ID:C5WfAYuX

Leaving the people who try to use you for homework and keeping the person who you can talk to is good judgment. It's a sad truth that the majority of people are just not worth being friends with. If you need help with communicating with people, all you need to do is practice! If there's nobody worth talking to, there's other ways. Off the top of my head, you can watch some laid-back movies and pay attention to the dialogue, or talk in an FPS like TF2 (back when I played, I sometimes found myself voice-chatting while playing for hours talking about the most interesting shit) or talking with random people on Skype.

You'll eventually get the hang of it and become more comfortable. I'm not going to flat-out tell you how to talk because that is something for you to decide.

4 Name: OP : 2010-05-03 21:23 ID:+4QcdSUy

Thank you guys so much for your responses.

I think I'm genuinely a nice person, but not always, it depends on what. However, I'm usually not the coolest or the most popular person...I thought it would be fine if I tried my best to be who I am and just like the things I like, but I found that it's hard to make friends.

I am basically an otaku, but I don't feel like I share too much with other ones (don't cosplay, not too interested in discussing, and don't act overly Japanese-wannabe in person...for example).

It feels tough but I appreciate the advice and I'll try some new things this summer. :) Thank you guys!

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