Reading through all of these I have seen things mostly from the victim's point of view, which is very important. I would like to give another spin on this though, my point of view.
I am not a victim of sexual child abuse, nor am I close to one. However, my Dad has been convicted with sexual child abuse to my ex-Best friend;s elder brother...
I can't say what he did was not wrong but... I love my Dad. He's a wonderful person with a huge and helpful heart. My Mum's East German and was brought up quite badly, when she and my Dad married my elder half-brother from my Mum was 6. My brother is severely autistic and very temper-mental. He's now 22 and very tall and strong. He often has temper tantrums and the only one who can really calm him down is my Dad, usually through a shouting much. Other than my brother, we were a pretty ordinary family, with supportive and loving Mum (who works 5 nights a week as a Nurse), a kind, fun-loving, funny Dad and me. About a year ago, halfway through my GCSE year 11 the police suddenly came to my house and took my Dad away. I was still at school when this happened and afterwards a social worker (the nosy useless parkers) came to my school called me out in the middle of a a lesson and started questioning me about my family life, asking about my Dad. Of course my Dad has never touched any of us before, which is why it was such a shock. I broke down crying and left school early. After that my life became pretty f**ked up, excuse my language.
Basically I became depressed, and I didn't even know it at the time. I totally messed up my GCSE exams because of stress, pushed away all of my friends and kept on breaking down in class. None of my friends know what happened to my family because the newspapers misspelled our name, as usual, and used our old-old-old-old address...The thing is, no one I know knows, my Mum is obviously depressed herself and my brother is autistic and only understands that Dad disappeared a year ago and has been on a temper tantrum spree (Mum and I are covered in bruises because of this). The only other person who know is a close family friends and neighbour who is CATHOLIC and can't really talk to me about it without letting her Catholic ideas confuse her sympathising ability. I started going to church with her about 10 months ago, it helps a little to get out of the typical situations because Dad has almost never gone into a church with (although he's Christian) me so it doesn't remind me of him and make me break down. I was 15 when they took him away, November 15th 2009. I'm nearly 17 now. I haven't seen my Dad since they took him. I don't get any letters from him - although this is because the postman may see the address and tell people so he's protecting us, he's a little over-protective - the only contact I have gotten from him is the 10 minuet telephone call once a week.
I miss my Dad. I miss him so much it hurts. It's like a gaping hole in my chest. I'm pretty sure this has emotionally scarred me. See I've been bullied at almost all the schools I've gone to, have a brother who hurts me practically every other day (though he doesn't understand that he has) and had to break contact with my Best Ever Friend because her bastard father (who has really messed around, married her grandmother then had an affair with another woman divorced the granmother and married the mother, not his daughter btw, and had 2 more kids after the 3 from the affair, then recently ran away with the other woman before coming back to the mother twice) decided that he would make a fuss because she and I occasionally sent messages to one another, as friends do, to the police who could keep my Dad locked up a whole lot longer because of it. But all that, and everything else in my life, can't compare to the pain of my Dad practically dieing, considering how much contact I've had with him. The worst is I can't just MOVE ON because he's not actually dead and is coming back. This is horrible. This constant state of limbo.
I love my Dad very dearly. He has always been a great Dad. He can always make me laugh, he comforts me when I'm upset and he listens to my problems, even the more gory girly ones. He's considerate, helps out our friends and neighbours often, and is a Christian. My Dad is not a bad person. He's a good person who did something very stupid ONCE and has been locked for it. The funny thing is, I'm not sure who's being punished anymore. Him or us, the ones left behind who have to deal with the remaining mess.
I know most of you can't really understand me but in my situation the molester is not really the bad guy, the molested is for lieing, exaggerated as my Mum claimed to me, at court. I'm not blaming anyone for what happened. I have no one to blame. So, to all you sexually abused people out there, what you've gone through is terrible but, please, remember that there is another side to the story as well. My Dad is now ill in prison, where they practically refuse to help him, and alone. I haven't seen my Dad, the person who I'm closest to and could always rely on, in over a year and have lost my Very Best Friend. I have no one I can talk to about this, no shoulder to cry on.
I send you all the best of luck with recovering from your horrible experiences and finding that love that you all seem to crave. You all may be people who on sight look perfectly fine, like I am - I am the seemingly most cheerful person in my College, I am a good actor/pretender, but below the surface you are in emotional pain. I hope that you find something, not being drugs/smoking/alcohol/sex or self/others-abuse, that helps you recover. Don't bottle this up. When my Dad comes home in hopefully 6 months I hope my life will become fixed.
Thank you for reading this,
God's blessing to you all, whether you be straight, gay, bi, black, white or any other colour or religion or ethic.
xxx
I send you all the best of luck with recovering from your horrible experiences and finding that love that you all seem to crave. You all may be people who on sight look perfectly fine, like I am - I am the seemingly most cheerful person in my College, I am a good actor/pretender, but below the surface you are in emotional pain. I hope that you find something, not being drugs/smoking/alcohol/sex or self/others-abuse, that helps you recover. Don't bottle this up. When my Dad comes home in hopefully 6 months I hope my life will become fixed.
Thank you for reading this,
God's blessing to you all, whether you be straight, gay, bi, black, white or any other colour or religion or ethic.
xxx