I'm 22, I study mathematics. I used to skateboard and drink lots of alcohol in my 13-18s. My parents would always give me money and I would leave the house for 8-10 hours, skateboarding and drinking. I do not remember much from that age. I do remember myself being an exceptional kid earlier than that. Others would always tell me how smart and kind I am. I was also a brat sometimes, bragging about the expensive stuff that I would get from my parents (but I do remember that I did this without malice). I also remember myself having philosophical thoughts. A particular one was that I was wondering about infinite universes hiding inside the atoms. I remember having problems in school (being called hyperactive).

Later, in high school, things would get much worse, and most teachers would consider me the worst of the worst. I would often be a human shield for other students. When something in class went wrong and some student was blamed, if I judged that the teacher was incorrectly blaming him/her, I would do something even more stupid, so that the attention would drift to my case. This naturally caused me to have many enemies in the teachers' circle. My life would be wasted if I hadn't gotten a computer. I started learning programming on my own and I pretty much mastered it. I did this because I wanted to be a hacker. I had deep political convictions back then, and I wanted to push my own agenda by hacking important servers and putting up messages. I did not succeed, but I later lost interest in that. This interest in programming, however, saved me: I learned to study on my own, and when the time came, I managed to get into university and study maths. I was always very good at maths.

I am proud of my story. Now I am a very successful student. I'm on my way to USA for my PhD. All things gone right, except that I feel extremely lonely. I don't know what to do about this loneliness. I don't know what else to write here. Please talk with me.