I'm 25 years old living in taiwan at the moment, Over the years i've experienced shitloads of things. When i was 16 i went through major depression till i was 18, people at school often mocked me either for my fat (i was pretty chubby back then) or just cos i was too nice, during those two years i've attempted suicide twice but failed. A Old close/best friend of mine saved me back then and inspired me to keep living and work hard. I've met girls who tried to take advantage of me because i was being too nice, i end up getting hurt my self many times in the past. I lost one of my really important/close/best friends in the past during the same time my parents got divorced also during the time my first girlfriend cheated on me. after my parents divorce and gf cheating i fell back into a deep anxiety that whenever im sleeping i feel like im getting chocked. There was one night that the anxiety was so bad i had to go to hospital at 2AM cos i was unable to breathe. The chocking lasted for about 6 months till i started to get better. Music has always been my passion, I've managed to release my own EP on iTUNES and MV in the last 4 years but my father has always been trying to get me to stop and never really supported me in my music. During my 4 years doing music i've met many people who pretended they wanted to help me out, but end up just using me. People who knew i was doing music always wanted to know if i know any celebrity (i've met some during my music years) and wanted me to introduce to them. I also met girls who pretended to be nice to me so that i would like them and be their bitch and do whatever they wanted me to do. I've even met a girl who wanted to be famous that she got close to me and when she started to get popular, she threw me out as if i was a battery that ran out of electricity.
basically i feel like going through all these shit experience, i've lost faith in humans, i cant trust humans and i seem to hate them sometimes. even though I my self am a human but i just feel that humans in nature are just selfish, judgemental and destructive creatures. I've closed my personal facebook for almost a year and been socialy outcasted this whole year, i only have 3-4 close friends i occasionally meet up otherwise i dont really meet up with people. the reason i closed my facebook was that i felt people knew i was in trouble last year when i went through depression again but everyone acted if i was just a ghost, even when they saw me in person NO ONE asked me if i was ok or how i was doing. i use to say that im thankful for these shit experience i went through because i learned how to protect my self, but i guess i was just lying to my self, in all honesty i really hated these people that made me go through hell like that. i cant control my emotions and i get angry easily now, I'm normally a calm person who really tries to avoid trouble if i can, but sometimes i just explode and would try to imagine destroying everything i see. I really dont know what to do anymore.
can I listen to some of your music?
>>3
http://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/british/fag
> fag noun (YOUNG BOY)
> › [C] UK old-fashioned (at some large British private schools) a younger boy who has to do jobs for an older boy
> If a younger boy fags for an older boy at a British private school, he does jobs for him.
> Idioms
> can't be fagged
Did you move to Taiwan to start life over? How have you found it to work for you?
I know this thread is a couple months old so OP might not be checking it, but I can relate to the fundamental sentiment being posted here that all people are inherently bad.
It sounds like you've went through some shit, but it also sounds like you've accomplished some good things, too. You may not feel it at the moment, but getting your music out there really is an achievement, and your average everyday person will never do something like that. Sure, people will try to use you to get ahead, but you can't judge your accomplishments by that. Try to look at it from the perspective of the self, instead: you set out to do something, you committed to it, you saw it to completion, and you released it to the public. That's an accomplishment, no matter how many people download it.
And on top of that, you're living in Taiwan. Your post insinuates that you are from a Western country, so I don't think you need me to tell you how big of a deal it is to make a move like that, especially considering the fact that most people stay in their hometown all their lives, or at most only move a couple hours away.
I can connect with some of what you're writing; I, too, am 25 and have been tossing the idea around in my head that I want to move to an East Asian country (currently teaching myself Mandarin, making surprisingly good progress) because I feel so "down and out" here. Maybe a change of scenery and a new challenge will do me some good. Have you found that to be the case for yourself?
OP here
>>2 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qXppETR7GI you can hear it here :)
>>5 well two months ago i went back to Australia for a month, apparently that helped me a lot. i think it might be because i was in taiwan for too long and prob just miss my hometown (forgot to mention i grew up in Australia). I think its just the culture in Taiwan is so different that people often judge me thinking Im taiwanese and expect me to know certain things.
I had a thought about all the things i've accomplished and i feel a lot better, like you said the average person will never do something like that.
Going back to Australia made me feel a lot better was people back in Australia are a lot nicer compare to Taiwan. I think the problem i had was i couldn't let go of the past especially the people who made me go through shit, I just told my self i had to let it go and after it was pretty much all good now. plus i think working helps a lot as it gets your mind off things
How do you fail at suicide? It seems to me you have to be either retarded or an edgy fag who actually wanted to live to do that.
NotATroll
Not OP here, but it's pretty common for people to fail. They'll take a bunch of pills or some drug and think it will kill them, but instead they end up passed-out and found by someone who brings them to the hospital. Not a pleasant experience in any case. I imagine it would be like the worst headache you ever had, combined with worst hangover, and multiplied by a unknown number...
You have to remember: the people doing this aren't (usually) acting rationally. It's no surprise that they fail. In a lot of cases, there is an overwhelming emotional or brain chemistry problem. Ironically, if you fix that, the suicide thoughts go away...