Sober 4th of July was lovely. We watched the fireworks from a roof-top party near the bridge. We didn't have a slide, or fake tattoos, nor did we wear American flag clothing...because it's a symbol of a country, not a fashion statement. Also, the hostess didn't rename a country after herself...because she's not a narcissist.

My husband got tipsy and 'recited' the Pledge of Allegiance to my stomach: 'I pledge allegiance to the fetus of The United States of Gestation' was how it started. All the drunk people thought it was hilarious. The sober pregnant woman did not.

Also, the hostess forgot to call the paps. Bad hostess.