[Robe] Dungeons & DQNs, 3.5th Edition [Wizard Hat] (30)

1 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9002 22:52

You and your adventuring companions enter a seedy tavern. It is eerily desolate, except for ‚c‚`‚c‚c‚x‚b‚n‚n‚k, who sits nearly obscured by shadow in the furthest corner, polishing his longsword. The surly barmaid glances up at you before she returns to cleaning a glass.

@@@-]]- A
^@@@@@R
!@ !@l|,.iΙl_Ɂj
i @˜§-]@|! i
_R .U@- Ιƒm @Sorry, we're all out of glorious quests and fantastic treasure.
@@MMƒt@iL
@ @ / _ɁT
@@/__i |˜£!|
„ͺ„ͺ‚Β„ͺ‚Β„ͺ„ͺ‡‡‡========

What do you do?

2 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9002 23:09

Say "last one to touch the floor buys the first round" then when my adventuring companions rush to touch the floor, kick one up the bum.

3 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9002 23:40

>>2
You wound your foot badly on the chitin blades covering the Thri-Kreen Warrior's posterior. Take 1d6 damage.

‚c‚`‚c‚c‚x‚b‚n‚n‚k's eyes gleam as the word 'buy' is spoken. "hello im daddycool the VIPPER join my community of VIPPERS if you payme enough i will give you access to a secret area of VIP QUALITY," he intones in a gravelly voice that seems older than time itself.

4 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9003 05:41

Give ‚c‚`‚c‚c‚x‚b‚n‚n‚k all my VIPCOINS.

5 Name: Thri-Kreen!SFCeNvo82U : 1993-09-9003 05:48

"Tik-tik for what purpose didst thou kick me tik-tik?" I, an adult male Thri-Kreen wizard of <undetermined> level, say.

After brushing off my thorax I turn to the others and say, "Tik-tik, I shall cast lots in order to divine a purpose for our gathering, what say ye?" before beginning a simple divination.

Dipping my forelimb in some water and taking the glass from the surly bar maid I begin to rub my finger across the rim of the glass. "Don't think... tik-tik... feel...", I mutter while the glass begins emitting a haunting note.

6 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9003 10:38

Roll the dice to see how uphill I'm feeling

7 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9003 13:16

>>4
"you call this enough?? ineed at least 600 VIPCOINS come back when you're ready to be"
‚c‚`‚c‚c‚x‚b‚n‚n‚k scowls and melts into the wall. You now have 0 VIPCOINS.

>>6
The dice fall down a floor vent. You're feeling pretty downhill about that.

The Thri-Keen continues to divine.

8 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9003 13:36

I, the half elven rogue, take a seat at the bar. "I'll have the extra-large," I tell the barmaid, then give her a seductive wink. "With extra green onion... if you know what I mean, sweet cheeks."

9 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9003 13:40

Try to cure your mind.

10 Name: Thri-Kreen!SFCeNvo82U : 1993-09-9003 16:08

continues to divine

The tones of the glass begin to quicken into a familiar tune.

11 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9003 16:25

Sidle up to the bar and awkwardly mumble to the barmaid, while staring at my shoes, that I think she's cute.

12 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9003 19:06

@@@-]]- A
^@@@@@R
!@ !@l|,.iΙl_Ɂj
i @˜§-]@|! i
_R .U@- Ιƒm @What's that? A flagon of soup?
@@MMƒt@iL
@ @ / _ɁT
@@/__i |˜£!|
„ͺ„ͺ‚Β„ͺ‚Β„ͺ„ͺ‡‡‡========

13 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9003 19:30

@@@-]]- A
^@@@@@R
!@ !@l|,.iΙl_Ɂj
i @˜§-]@|! i
_R .U@- Ιƒm @We're all out of flagon soup.
@@MMƒt@iL
@ @ / _ɁT
@@/__i |˜£!|
„ͺ„ͺ‚Β„ͺ‚Β„ͺ„ͺ‡‡‡========

14 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9003 19:46

I step into the tavern, dragon dicks spilling out of my arms.

15 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9003 20:18

@@@-]]- A
^@@@@@R
!@ !@l|,.iΙl_Ɂj
i @˜§-]@|! i@Turn around, someone already tried paying with those.
_R .U@- Ιƒm @
@@MMƒt@iL
@ @ / _ɁT
@@/__i |˜£!|
„ͺ„ͺ‚Β„ͺ‚Β„ͺ„ͺ‡‡‡========
==@@@NO DRAGON DICKS@@@@==
‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡‡

16 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9003 21:42

I step into the tavern, wearing nothing but a thong on my comically bulked barbarian physique. A froth of spittle appears at the corners of my mouth.

17 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9003 22:49

"Want a handkerchief?" I ask the barbarian.

18 Name: a bear!kK24KJlRV. : 1993-09-9004 00:06

"GRRWOROWOORORRrrwro" I say as I burst into the tavern, breaking down the door with my powerful bear claws.

19 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9004 00:11

Graargh, the barbarian says, accepting the proffered handkerchief and folding it neatly so it stays put under his thong. Mollified, the barbarian wipes the froth into his arm and takes a seat next to the bear.

20 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9104 00:10

@@@-]]- A
^@@@@@R
!@ !@l|,.iΙl_Ɂj
i @˜§-]@|! i
_R .U@- Ιƒm @We don't serve bears here.
@@MMƒt@iL
@ @ / _ɁT
@@/__i |˜£!|
„ͺ„ͺ‚Β„ͺ‚Β„ͺ„ͺ‡‡‡========

21 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9104 00:11

@@@-]]- A
^@@@@@R
!@ !@l|,.iΙl_Ɂj
i @˜§-]@|! i
_R .U@- Ιƒm Sorry, did I say bears? I meant beers
@@MMƒt@iL
@ @ / _ɁT
@@/__i |˜£!|
„ͺ„ͺ‚Β„ͺ‚Β„ͺ„ͺ‡‡‡========

22 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9119 05:49

I, the cheeky halfling bard, stroll in amongst the ruckus and ask the barmaid what DO you serve here?

23 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9119 06:04

@@@-]]- A
^@@@@@R
!@ !@l|,.iΙl_Ɂj
i @˜§-]@|! i
_R .U@- Ιƒm We serve bustas like you on the b-ball court, fool.
@@MMƒt@iL
@ @ / _ɁT
@@/__i |˜£!|
„ͺ„ͺ‚Β„ͺ‚Β„ͺ„ͺ‡‡‡========

24 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9119 08:47

Based

25 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9119 19:14

on a /mu/ story.

26 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9120 00:13

I, the cheeky halfling bard, have absconded to the b-ball court and demand to be served my fool summarily.

27 Name: i L_T`j : 1993-09-9120 01:53


@@@-]]- A
^@@@@@R
!@ !@l|,.iΙl_Ɂj
i @˜§-]@|! i
_R .U@- Ιƒm We're actually all out of fools. Are nits ok?
@@MMƒt@iL
@ @ / _ɁT
@@/__i |˜£!|
„ͺ„ͺ‚Β„ͺ‚Β„ͺ„ͺ‡‡‡========

28 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9122 06:59

I, the cheeky halfling bard, will reluctantly settle for nits if they are accompanied by a peek up your skirt, my lovely laconic serving-wench.

29 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9122 15:51

You exit the tavern proper to the b-ball court, a quintessential feature of any proper country inn. It is darkest night, and the full moon shines high in the sky.

Upon the dim ground of the court, veiled in mist, you witness the silhouettes of seven robed figures surrounding a summoning circle and chanting in a low voice. Straining your ears, you make out the words "I pulled up to a house about seven or eight, and I yelled to the cabby 'Yo, homes smell you later!'"

(If you succeed at a difficulty 20 Arcana roll, you understand that the ritual is nearly complete and calls upon a terrible force of darkness. It cannot be stopped.)

You fail to close the distance before one figure raises its arms high, and with a crackle and flash of eldritch lightning, a hole is torn in reality. The cultists are consumed as the price of their dark ritual, only smears of blood and the stench of charred flesh remaining. Then he steps through the portal. An unmistakeable visage. A dread lord that all in this realm know of, whether human or elf or halfling, though many thought him but a mere legend used to frighten children.

Reaching up, he seizes the moon without visible effort, plucking it from among the stars as if it were a ripe fruit from a tree.

And dunks it.

You tremble in instinctual terror as you bear witness to the advent of the Dark Lord Charles Barkley.

(Attempt a saving throw versus shutting up and jamming if you wish. Otherwise, roll for initiative.)

30 Name: (*゚ー゚) : 1993-09-9123 09:50

I bravely shit my pants and ready my zauber.

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