>>2 what is the parallel universe when the Sega Master System/Sega Mark III far more popular than the Nintendo NES/Famicom?
It's a fantastic universe. The one i should've been born in.
>>3 what is the parallel universe where mittens explode, causing thousands of fatalities every week?
People stopped making mittens.
>>4 what is the parallel universe where hot girls like pale, socially awkward weirdos?
That's where i come from, it's alright.
>>5 What is the parallel universe where music is currency?
Well, the stock market here looks a lot like itunes.
>>6 What is the parallel universe where people eat through their noses and poop through their ears?
People ride trains and buses on their knees with their heads on the seats, doing lines of cookie crumbs
Tell me >>7 what is it like where everyone has mechanical precision in their arm, hand and finger movements?
Inventors of the printer simply lost all their money. Ha-ha, joking! Actually, people stabbed each other to death as soon as they discovered weak spots. It's quite lonely there.
Dear >>8, please describe the parallel universe where AOL never existed.
Plastic surgeons that cut off boobs become extremely rich.
>>10 what does the parallel universe without Hitler look like?
Not as pleasant as you might think. World War II happened anyway. The USSR under Stalin invaded Poland, Finland, Japan, and the Baltic States in 1938, then Germany (the Weimar Republic was hardly able--or willing--to defend itself), and drove the Allied armies all the way back to the Pyrennees and the English Channel. The US and UK signed an armistice in 1940 on unfavorable terms rather than try to continue with what they saw as a lost cause. The Great Depression continued until the early 1960s and the Sino-Soviet Empire very nearly won that world's Cold War (there the historians call it the Protracted Struggle) until it fell apart in a bloody welter of ethno-nationalist counterrevolutions all over two continents. It's a much less affluent world than our own, and Western popculture is all bubblegum escapist fantasies about an imagined golden age before the war. In the year 2010 Warsaw and Paris are still bombed-out wastelands, but rumor has it that the US-Australasian Alliance has plans to put a man in orbit by the end of the next decade.
>>11, what's it like in the parallel universe where H. Ross Perot was elected US President in 1992?
It's pretty cool. The national deficit is gone, the Federal government is lean and unobtrusive, and there's no income tax any more. The economy is chugging right along, stronger than ever, and all other nations look up to us as a shining example of the best mankind can offer the universe.
Except for North Korea. Those guys are just crazy.
>>12, what's it like in the parallel universe where anti-gravity technology turned out to be the simplest thing ever?
The Patent Office took out a restraining order against me because I kept flying into their third-floor windows, and still won't allow anyone to patent it. :(
>>13, what's it like in the parallel universe where in the 9th Century, the big wave of Viking raids and Norman invasions was against Spain and the Mediterranean coast of North Africa rather than Western Europe?
Islamic society in Al-Andalus degrades, scholars don't flourish there, ancient Greek and Roman knowledge never gets reintroduced to Europe, the Renaissance never happens, Europe remains in the dark ages until the mid-20th century when it gets colonized by China.
>>14, what's it like in the parallel universe where the Central Powers win World War I?
The Central Powers built NIC Control Towers, it was only a few hours until there were no more flowers. On the other hand, pigs evolved and have even better tasting meat, though meat from females tastes better so new jobs opened up such as the job I got when I went there, I was a pigsower which was basically giving pigs sex change operations
I heard you've been to the "blood is heroin" universe, >>16, what's it like?
Everyone overdosed at birth. There were no survivors.
What's it like in the universe where soylent blue is people, >>17?
Soylent Blue is tasty and nutritious but it's kind of trippy seeing John Wayne as Robert Thorn and Eli Wallach as Sol Roth. Imagine John Wayne shouting "It's people! Soylent Blue is people!" and you'll understand.
>>18, what's it like in the world where the Shah of Iran remained in power, and a modernized, Westernized, industrialized Iran made a peaceful transition to Western-style representative democracy/constitutional monarchy in 1991?
Their version of this thread derails into a political shitstorm when somebody asks a question implying that Iran would have been better off if Ayatollah Khomeini's revolution had succeeded and the next person wittily contradicts them and poses a question slanted toward their worldview.
>>19, how's it going in the universe where nobody has any feet?
There's no significant difference, >>20. Beady Eyes got involved and derailed the project, the same way he derails threads. The project memos were released and were briefly on the New York Times best-seller list of comedy and humor books, though.
>>22, what's it like in the parallel universe that's identical to this one, except that about ten minutes ago, in a sandstorm on the surface of Mars, a single particle of dust moved a centimeter or two away from the position held by our universe's version of that particle?
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
>>23, what's it like in the parallel universe where underwear cleans itself?
It's lemony fresh.
So I heard Spain conquered the UK at the beginning of the 20th Century in your universe >>24? How's that working out for you?
>>23
Paellas are the most popular dish in the world. Also, all Brits are terrific dancers with handsome smiles and straight teeth.
>>24
DQN is the most popular website in the world. Also, all vippers are terrific dances with handsome smiles and straight teeth.
>>26, how's the alternate universe where the USA President was a giant mecha loli?
There's surprisingly little difference, >>28. Leftist intellectuals and revolutionaries call themselves "Engelsian" or "Trotskyist" instead. Well, Leutonia from the old SCTV sketches became a real country in 1924. We're still not sure how that happened. Otherwise, you'd hardly notice.
>>30, what's it like in the parallel universe where everyone really IS named Squeeks?
It's kinda boring. The sky is completely plain at night because no starlight has reached Earth yet.
>>34, how's it going in that universe where a freak solar flare interfered with human genetics and caused every baby born in the 1970's to be French?
Pretty boring. Now that everyone knows, nobody strives for anything any more.
>>43, how is it in the universe where people reproduce by budding?
Frustrating.
>>44, how is it in the universe where there's butter vending machines on the street and every house has a vodka tap?
Everyone is speaking Russian! I can't understand them.
>>46, what's it like in the universe where this thread isn't essentially a repeat of http://4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1250006606/l50 ?
Life without Espeon is great, man!
>>53, in that universe >>52 asked a question about what it's like to live in a parallel universe where Space Nazi Bad Guys ride on saddled dinosaurs and do battle against the forces of Good, who have giant robots and caped superhumans and hot-blooded heroes. Also, there are monkeys, pirates, ninjas, and zombies. And your answer was that it is AWESOME. Dangerous, but awesome.
>>55, what's it like in the universe where there was no drastic sudden influx of new users to Usenet and the Web in September of 1994, and there was no Eternal September?
>>54 It's horrible! Civilization is gone, governments collapsed, and the rule of law has disappeared. A few thousand days ago a horrible computer bug caused by the weird calendar they adopted for some reason made all technology stop working and society immediately collapsed. Thankfully, for us, September 2313th, 1993 came and went completely uneventfully.
>>56, what's it like in the universe where humans have an instinct to chop down trees with their teeth and use them to build dams?
>>56, motion pictures were invented in the 18th century for the express purpose of creating animutation, so our cinema technology is about 100~200 years cooler than in most universes, though other technology kind of lags behind as a result of everyone being a little caught up in the flicks.
>>58, what was it like in the universe where we found out that Junior is Grandpa... from THE FUTURE?
>>57
The stable time loops make it one hell of a confusing place. For example, King Henry IV is the 49th President of the United States. Very few people are history buffs because it makes most people's brains hurt too much. As a result astrophysics is a very popular field, and we've set up colonies in several remote galaxies.
>>59, how's that universe where anyone has really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
>>60, that universe contains a SECRET AREA OF VIP QUALITY and DADDYCOOL will tell you about it for $10. Oh, wait.
>>62, what is it like in the universe where time travel is invented, then later on some crazy person travels back in time to kill the inventor before he can invent the time machine, over and over and over?
>>62, very strange. Sometimes, when you're walking down the street, you hear a loud bang and turn to see some poor sap fall to the ground leaking blood everywhere. There is a small market for "extermination janitors", those on-call to clean up after the murders, and on the whole it's quite surreal.
>>64, what's it like in the universe where instead of video games, "Generation X" grew up primarily with increasingly maddening adaptations of the Rubik's Cube and various other twisty puzzles?
>>65 I visited a number of universes where songs other than "Never Gonna Give You Up" are used to humorously misdirect people. Surprisingly, I found that they tend to gravitate towards the title theme from Monty Python's Meaning of Life. We're sort of an oddball universe in that we picked a 1980's song to begin with; most of them use music videos from the late 90's to today that feature bad CG graphics and involve the artist making a fool of himself.
>>67, What's it like in the universe where water occurs in situations that generate electricity in our universe, and vice versa?
>>72, you can find Akihabara cafés where cute young girls dress up in maid uniforms and put on monkey ears and tails and try to say as many "ook"s as they can.
>>74, what can you tell me about the universe in which every person is required to go through a coming-of-age ritual involving tripping on ayahuasca?
The strongest adult bulletin board in Japan
http://www.y-bbs.net/
>>75 never got an answer before being pulled into a single point from every direction spontaneously, which (to be fair) happened promptly and without any needless pleasantries.
>>77, what's it like in the universe where Richard Nixon really ended his political career for good after losing the election for governor of California?
>>76, Lyndon Johnson was reelected to the Presidency in 1968 only to become the central figure in the big Shoreham scandal of 1970, in which it was revealed operatives from his campaign were caught bugging the hotel rooms of perceived political rivals of both parties during the 1968 Democratic and Republican conventions, and was impeached and removed from office for his part in the cover-up. In that world's lexicon of American English political terms, affixing the prefix Shore- to something designates it as a gigantic shameful scandal.
William F. Buckley was elected President in 1972 on the Republican ticket, only to be assassinated minutes after taking the oath of office by Gore Vidal.
Vice President Barry Goldwater served the remainder of his term, which historians note for his authorization of the use of tactical nuclear weapons in Vietnam and his declaration of war against and invasion of Saudi Arabia in November 1973 in the response to King Faisal's seizure of US-owned oil fields and creation of OPEC.
>>78, what's it like in the universe where I thought of something funny and clever, instead of trying to create a vaguely plausible alternate history?
I'm afraid I can't answer you, as there is a spear stuck in my head.
>>80, what's it like in the universe where the heart is where thinking happens, witches exist, and other such old-timey misconceptions are actually true?
>>80 The leader's theatrical plays are not nearly a funny or epic.
Good thing there are a huge number of other TV shows thanks to the fact that state-owned media is a tiny fraction of all media here. Sometimes I hang out with some South Korean friends, and we all have a good time making fun of Japanese. It sure is a relief not hearing American military guys say stuff to us, defending those people.
What is the alternate universe like where you can make a comic book character come to life if you really want it to?
>>32
I'm sorry, but I couldn't answer faster since our internet conection is so slow... there may be already like 80 post in this thread when mine arrives...
This world is interesting. You can see some relativistic effects on plain sigh, but there are no cars, since they need a lot of fuel to reach 6/7 km/h and you would need to readjust your watch when you arrived your destination (and you should pray so it keeps being there)... not to talk about a crash at that speed...
By the way, >>33, how in the hell did you manage to answer that quickly?
Let's hope I don't miss this:
>>85, how is the world that 83 suggested? (this way, if I did it right, I won't break the chain).
Well, >>87, most people are good at playing themselves, but the most interesting relations arise between people who are good at playing others. The only problem is some people's heads are higher quality instruments than others, so there's lots of discrimination and prejudice.
Also, being born with a piano for a head is a curse.
>>89, how's it feel to live in a universe where semen is both healthy and delicious?
>>90 All the now almost-immortal people have retreated to underground cities with the last remaining supplies of clean air, because Earth's atmosphere is now 70% second-hand smoke.
>>90, what's it like in the universe where the MPAA is exclusively dedicated to porn movies, and the only movies without sex scenes are made in Europe and Japan?
>>92, it's devoid of life more complex than blue-green algae. It seems that since every intelligent tool-using life form sooner or later comes around to the idea of martial arts, then spawns some chucklefuck who destroys the planet with a super-focused-hiryu-shoten-ha-kamehameha attack in a fit of pique at his ex-girlfriend.
>>94, what's it like in the universe where Beady Eyes doesn't derail threads?
>>99 Cat thumb-wrestling is a fairly widespread but heavily policed sport. Awareness groups exist that try to scare people with images of fist-locked cats, while surrounding them crowds of poorly dressed third-worlders shout and whoop while holding paper bills. Also cat-sized pet-doors have been replaced with cat-sized upright doors complete with working doorknobs.
>>101 What's it like in the universe where audiophiles prefer cassette tapes to vinyl?
>>100 In one way it's great, no-one gives a shit about FLAC and there was never a loudness war, but on the other hand all audio engineers are obsessed with compressing music and most remixes just consist of the song being pitch shifted about then breaking about half-way in.
>>102 What's it like in the universe where whisky tastes like orange juice?
>>!201
Aarrj BREAKFASSTSS ARE AFUCKCING GREAT HEWRE An d bacoon is tthasty tooq and cofeefe i fukcing lobe that shittt with 6754343 sugrars and sf s some milkl in trooooooo
>11103 Qha'ts it like in the uvinerse where buialdaing marteirals crumble int otheir comnpoment parts after a few yearas!
>>112 I'll just say that everyone and everything smells of rancid semen, until you get to the basement rooms where the PCs are set up, which are surprisingly clean and pleasant.
>>114, what's it like in that timeline where the thing that does the stuff actually works and does the stuff that here it doesn't so much?
>>114
<丶｀∀´> kekeke, this universe is infinitely superior nida. Everybody is talking about the new manhwa, and fat American housewives watch K-drama instead of soap opera nida. But choppari still not give us our apology juice nida.
>>116
<丶｀∀´> What is it like in the universe where we actually got our apology juice ni-ka?
>>118 In the West being a gamer is considered a mental disorder in all but name, in Japan and Korea, everyone under the age of 60 either weights less than 6 stone or more than 30, arthritis is a largely ignored epidemic, the economy and class system is largely based on Tohou speedruns ever since society had to rebuild itself after the great Starcraft scandal of 2010 and Daigo is pretty much treated as the unofficial emperor of Japan, which really doesn't make much difference to his lifestyle.
>>120 What is it like in the universe where procrastination does not exist?
>>121, >>120 has OBVSLY tapped the power of TANASINN.
Also, in the universe where steampunk stuff actually works and is practical, an enormous clockwork golem went on a rampage in Paris last week, clanking about the city smashing things, naturally immune to bullets and cannonballs due to its massive riveted armor, and only stopped mid-frenzy because its AI computer got a tiny thin bit of onionskin paper jammed between two of its gears, causing it to jam and halt. And a mysterious madman calling himself Doctor Malice is besieging Schenectady, New York with an army of mechanical beetles, demanding "one meelion dollars" ransom to spare the city. It kind of sucks here, actually. It's dangerous and dirty, and the fact that all the women wear brass-boned corsets and tiny top hats does not quite compensate. Not every woman has the figure for a corset, you know.
>>123, what's it like in the universe where the Internet bridged cultural gaps and made the world more peaceful and democratic back in the 90s, as we all hoped it would, instead of being taken over by the corporations and turned into basically another kind of television?
>>125 We reached moral and technological zenith ages ago and now spend our infinite quota of time entertaining ourselves in an infinite processor-space where, sometimes, things aren't as perfect as they were for us.
>>127 What's it like in the universe where humanity has always and will always possess the immovable conviction that penguins are somehow the most divine creatures in existence?
>>130 Governments have conjunctive prescriptivist-execution departments designed for the sole purpose of dealing with rogue squads of publishers who write and distribute whole anthologies rewritten to be as grammatically incorrect as possible. The Internet was shut down very quickly, and no new written material is ever published except by authorized facilities whose works are thoroughly scrutinized for their purity. Speech is, for most, the sole method of communication, and a tentative one at that. The once beautiful sprawling progression of languages worldwide has been halted to a standstill.
>>132 What's it like in the universe where Ron Paul Ron Paul?
>>131,
We met him on a Monday and our hearts stood still,
Da doo run Ron Paul, da doo run RonAnd then we learned he'd veto almost every bill,
Da doo run Ron Paul, da doo run RonYEAH, he's not afraid to act
YEAH, he'll cut the income tax
YEAH, he'll knock Obama flat
Da doo run Ron Paul, da doo run Ron>>133, what's it like in the universe where I actually came up with something original instead of ripping off Spitting Image without even giving proper attribution? I'm a right bastard, I am.
>>134, it's very peaceful. They have decided that war is too wasteful expensive. The roads aren't always well-maintained, but maybe they'll have the money to fix those next year.
>>136, What's it like in the parallel universe where the US remained isolationist and stayed out of all the global struggles of the 20th and early 21st Centuries and maintained neutrality and friendly relations with all powers to the best of its ability?
>>135 The US never became a major world superpower. The British Empire was re-established, and currently covers more than 40% of Earth's landmass. People drink more tea on average.
>>137, What's it like in the universe where irrefutable proof has been found that the world is going to end at the end of 2012?
>>136, everyone is panicking, except for that world's three DQNs, who are striving to get this thread up to 999 posts before the end of the world, but we are not sanguine about our chances.
>>138, what's it like in the world where fast food consists mainly of rapidly-assembled chicken or peanut butter sandwiches on whole wheat bread, served with a salad or a paper cup of steamed vegetables, and other healthy low-fat fare, instead of the greasy stuff to which we have become accustomed here?
>>137
Greasy food is a delicacy. Fried chicken costs $30 a pound and it's very hard to get outside of luxury restaurants. On the other hand, life expectancy is 100 years and everyone's slim, except the extremely wealthy... I can't say I'd rather have it any other way (though I do wish I could get my hands on greasy food more easily)
>>139
What's it like in the universe of the last animated show you watched?
>>139 I'm a very happy bunny! The birds etc. that feed on wasps in your universe carry on regardless by preying on the larger number of insects normally preyed on by wasps in your universe
>>141 What's it like in the universe where all companies are genuinely aiming to make people happy and provide good service rather than make a profit?
>>142
Remember when /dqn/ was good? I do. And it still is, actually. The fact that imagery is restricted to archaic but creative ASCII alternatives drives the userbase towards a more unique identity, even if at the heart of it we're just a sort of an English /news4vip/. It's heartwarming to think that all the time us five spent here wasn't entirely for naught... that somewhere, somehow, the cry for QUALITY reached the souls of every dokyun in the world, bringing them happily together.
>>144
What's it like in the universe where math doesn't make any sense and, for some reason, everyone really enjoys wearing paper cranes on their head?
>>149, Feline-Americans are poor a minority with a seemingly insurmountable problem with drugs and crime and are ruthlessly exploited by corporations and the prison system, keeping them in a perpetual spiral of ignorance and poverty.
>>151, what's it like in the universe where everyone is illiterate?
>>OLOLLLOLOL
>>152-feg fuck yof what is it in univress where koreens captchures the whole Eart gloub?
>>152 There are brothels, except they are where you go to get one woman who you will only have sex with your entire life.
What is it like in the universe where Toyota never stopped building affordable RWD compact cars that were like the AE86?
...
>>172
What's it like in the universe where everyone considers themselves to be a philosopher?
>>175
English as a language died out in medieval times. The language I'm speaking now is a strange conquelition of several Indo-European languages which should maritrate to your universe's English. Hopefully you can overbrank me!
>>177
What's it lik∴∵n the un∴∵∴erse wh∴∵∴∵∴∵TANASINN∵∴∵ a∴∵∴∵∴∵gni∴∵rel∴giou∴∵∴∵∴∵?
>>177
Posts get refreshed so fast you can barely come up with a witty reply anymore! I hate it so much that I opened my own /dqn/ board which nobody but me can access. It's the best freaking board ever, and all its posters agree!
>>179
What's it like in the universe where the Gensoukyou barrier was accidentally demolished by NASA?
>>178
We momentarily prioritize the investigation of strange, youkai-infested extra dimensions over space travel. Several million die, and a million-odd more spontaneously transmogrify into young girls with catastrophic superpowers. The structure of global politics changes drastically as nuclear arsenals and intelligence gathering technology are rendered all but obsolete, causing treaties, trade and foreign policy to change at the whim of grown adults with curiously immature temperaments. Society as a whole gravitates back to an institution of slavery as those with powers forcibly coerce those without them.
Very soon, however, Earth becomes overrun with strife, and we are once again drawn to extraterrestrial environments for resources and population management. Each habitable planet becomes a sort of Gensoukyo in itself, replete with "shrine maidens" monitoring them inward and out. Supernatural young girls are stationed in space as Holy Guards. Interstellar trade does not develop - or if it does, remains highly volatile due to both unfit technology and sparse demand.
Also, "bullet hell" becomes a galaxy-wide sport.
>>180
What's it like in the universe where the strong nuclear force is ten times stronger than ours?
>>179 Over 95% of the universe's available hydrogen was converted to helium and heavier elements in the first hundred million years after the Big Bang, making hydrogen, and therefore water, exceedingly rare in this universe. Life as we know it never evolved. Tens of billions of years into the existence of this universe, with its bloated, dim red suns and sterile dusty rockball planets, fragile and delicate life based on the unique properties of liquid helium did occasionally evolve in a few appropriately sheltered locales, always of course unable to tolerate temperatures higher than a fraction of one degree Kelvin. Occasionally this life eventually achieved intelligence, in the sense that they were able to perceive themselves and their environments and solve problems that arose, but never left the shelter of its cold rocky worlds far from their primaries, never made complex tools, never indeed even developed in the numbers for complex societies or civilizations to develop. And not much changed between then and the heat death of that particular universe, at the age of only thirty or forty billion years.
>>181, what's it like in the universe where Westphalian sovereignty remained the central concept of international law through the 20th and 21st Centuries?
>>182, it's a way a lone a last a loved a long the / riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to Howth Castle and Environs.
>>184, what's it like in the universe where what is for us the "emergency mittens" button releases emergency pants instead?
The world is a much more beautiful place, rou rou~!
Next guy: What's the universe where phones work well with DQN like.
>>189
Apple Computers outsold IBM-compatibles by such a great margin that Microsoft decided to switch to supporting Power PC architecture exclusively in 1997. It didn't help much, but they were able to stave off bankruptcy for another four years.
>>191
What's it like in the universe where communist utopias are the norm for human society?
>>196
I... this is... how could this...
http://4-ch.org
Why would you send me to THIS universe? WHY‽
>>198
What's it like in the universe where the Earth is flat?
The iPhone has been revamped as a sugar-filled plastic wrapper because everybody keeps breaking it with their hooves. Also, Project Orion was put into practice, leading to significant concentrations of Antarctic fallout.
What's it like in the world where LaMont Cranston is a real person and The Shadow is a gonzo documentary?
>>203
I can hardly distract all these nubile females from trying to mount me long enough to reply to your post! If you have an insatiable sex drive, I heartily recommend this universe.
>>205
What's it like in the universe where the Chinese writing system completely replaced the Roman alphabet worldwide in the early 1350s?
>>211
We live in an dystopion society where people get pulled of the street and are forced to rat out on their dearest friends by writing explicit details about them for the government. They are never quite sure if their overlords are satisfied with their essays and always finish them with "THE END‽", opting for a character that is the perfect mix of an exclamation and question mark.
Let me tell you, the overlords are never satisfied. And the interrogations always end with a bang.
>>213
What's it like in the universe where nobody can see other people but still has to manage to live with together them?
>>215
Software piracy never became a big problem. Bereft of a reason for large downloads to become desirable, there was never a market for fast internet connections either, outside the confines of large companies and universities. The average household still uses a 56k modem to go online. On the plus side, websites with ridiculously bloated flash animations and mystery meat navigation don't exist, as few users have the patience to wait fifteen minutes until a page becomes readable.
>>217
What's it like in the universe where there are no tectonic plates?
>>243
They're actually considered more "depraved", as "nerdy" carries intellectual connotations. In any case, the entertainment industry as a whole is akin to pornography, and we do not speak about such things in public.
>>245
What's it like in the universe where Jews have finally taken over the world?
>>246 The movie which featured the song "Don't Cry For Me, Argentina" will traumatize you for life, and the most famous porn star in the world looks like a combination of Ron Jeremy and Joseph Stalin.
>>248 What is it like in the universe where China and Japan switched places?
>>248
I'm going to assume you meant their populations rather than respective geographies.
Chinese industry is heavily impeded by recurring earthquakes along the north-eastern coast, forcing manufacturers to relocate further south. Given such a small area and disadvantageous location, however, it is reticent to maintain commercial operations and shifts swiftly to military fortification. Political and racial turmoil between Japanese and North Koreans causes heavy militarisation of the former southern Chinese border. Much of Europe comes to Japan's aid in attempting to pacify the embittered, enraged North. Russia remains outwardly indifferent while secretly entertaining the notion of Chinese/North Korean alliance, given promises of an increased nuclear arsenal, technological competence, and its strategic location above the entirety of Eurasia. North Korea, in a bid for land, resources and substantial manpower, abolishes the DMZ and easily convinces the South to become part of the DPRK. Parts of the northernmost Southern Pacific are conquered jointly by China and Korea to establish a stronger commercial industry and some weapons production.
It's all fucked up.
>>250
What's it like in the universe where we've dangerously intruded upon a massive underground civilisation spanning half of Mars?
>>255
All manner of graphical tomfoolery never had the chance to arise from the powerhouses of modern video cards. As a result, information is still presented with the least possible distraction and computer games have become increasing complex puzzles which offer far more challenge than their present counterparts. I suppose we're better off as a society for it.
>>257
What's it like in the universe where Elizabethan values still hold true?
>>256
The progress of modern medicine has ground to a hault before truly starting, and thus the vast majority of people still rely on apothecaries for remedies to ailments. Also, everyone wears really scratchy, starched-up clothes and it's terribly uncomfortable.
>>258
What's it like in the universe where a handful of gifted people have the ability to bring fictional characters in and out of reality?
>>264
The industry is now filled with F2P/DLC games which suffer from misconceptions about various religions. Microsoft allows you to create and customize your own youkai avatar via Games Marketplace.
On the bright side, Black & White title is resurrected.
>>265
What would the world be like if there were no Jews? Please, take into consideration an ancient history as well.
>>266 Many people are haunted by the sound of dial-up modem sounds, they are unable to stop the sound from constantly replaying in their minds.
>>268 What is it like in the world where all computers operate at 100 terahertz or more, have 4 TB or more of ram, and files download at 100 TB per minute or faster?
>>269
There's no heaven, either, and that's because the concepts of "good" and "evil" are unknown to us. We have a moral system that works on axes of efficiency and pleasure and it seems to work out quite well. Children are seen, and not heard. Trolling is an offense punishable by death. I'm a heroin tester and prostitute inspector. I am living in your dreams.
>>271
What's the universe like in the universe where all of the DQNs live together? Tell us a fun story.
>>271
The Kirby games gained popularity at an astronomical rate. Within a week of the first release, it was the most popular game on the market. Within two months, at least 40% of every demographic/age group was playing it. Nine months later Kirby was elected president of the United States. Several disorganised cults sprang up in His honour, followed by an organised religion known as Kirbyism. Now, in the year 2012, every single member of the human race worships Kirby and spends at least two hours per day playing Kirby games. Life is good.
>>273
What's it like in the universe where computers and robots are given the same basic rights as humans?
>>272
Programmers who create infinite loops are given long prison sentences without the possibility of bail. Also, cars take a lot longer to build because of the robot unions mandating that working hours and break times for robots be just as long as for humans.
>>274
What's it like in the universe where all branches of government in every human nation have been left in the hands of AIs and robots controlled by said AIs for the past twenty years?
>>273
On the one hand, we're a lot more efficient now that we don't occupy ourselves with a political circus of liars and charlatans jockeying for votes. On the other hand, the AIs regard us as resources to be used and managed just like all the rest, farming us in eugenic breeding programs, and if two of them go to war over resources/territory, you might end up being sent on a real-life Zerg rush. Draft dodging? Expect some robotic enforcers to show up at your door.
>>275
What's it like in the world where humankind has uploaded its consciousness into robotic bodies, leaving the frailties of flesh behind?
>>274
Turns out that being inside a robotic body severely hampers creativity, so the new society of immortal robots just sits there, doing regular maintenance on their bodies but basically stagnating.
>>276
What's it like in the universe where Japan was invaded and large parts occupied by Chinese communists during World War II, and the atomic bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki was carried out by Japan's American allies in order to destroy the most fortified Chinese bases on Japanese soil?
>>279
Most parts of the Earth were destroyed decades ago when world leaders launched powerful bombs that ran on little wooden treadmills and a few centilitres of water. Now only licensed thermodynamicists are allowed the knowledge of how to build them. Unfortunately, thanks to the ease of generating unlimited electricity, food, and water, thermodynamicist is the only occupation left.
>>281
What's it like in the universe where (GNU/)Linux is the most popular operating system?
>>280
There are five distributions for every computer user on the planet, all steadily growing towards mutual incompatibility. Companies have given up trying to release "Linux versions" of their software, and instead specialize on making software for maybe a dozen different distributions. It's like the old DOS/Mac OS divide times a couple billion.
>>282
What's it like in the universe where Neo-Confucianism has been adopted as the dominant ideology all over the world?
>>283
North America has a pristine ecosystem, unspoiled by even Homo erectus immigration. Mexicans and Russians have occasionally mounted expeditions there, but the many large predators kept them away. Europe is mostly torn apart by religious warfare, although France has become something of a global refuge for atheists. Australian aborigines number less than four hundred, and continue to be threatened by their British conquerors if they refuse to convert to Anglicanism.
>>284
What's it like in the universe where the recent drive by fundamentalist Christian Conservatives to boycott Facebook and Google has led to the creation of a wholly separate Conservative Internet, running on its own root nodes, data centers and cabling, with Conservatives refusing to connect to anything on the old Internet anymore?
>>284 The Conservative Internet means as much to the regular internet what Christian Rock bands mean to to music scene. This bothers investors on the Conservative Internet, so they always try new ways to limit the regular internet.
>>286 What is like in the parallel universe where religion is allowed to exist, but extremism does not exist?
$ cat >>293.c
#include <quantum/universes.h>
#include <self/thought.h>
#include <comms.h>int main (void) {
universe_t *this = get_universe (null);
say (think (DESCRIBE, universe_inspect (this), null);
return 0;
}$ cat >>295.c
#include <quantum/universes.h>
#include <bbs/kareha.h>
#include <self/thought.h>
#include <comms/question.h>int main (void) {
entity_t *next_san = post_ref (null, 295);
ask (next_san, think (QUESTION,
universe_inspect (get_universe (next_san)),
pose_thought (WHALES_ARE_LAND_CREATURES)));
return 0;
}>>303 A lot less eastern involvement in WW2, CKS was able to focus 100% of his efforts on exterminating Mao, Taiwan and China are a unified country, and the Korean war never happened so South Korea and Best Korea are still a unified country.
>>305 What's it like in a universe where there are two Japans?
>>304 The USA lost WWII in that universe because of the combined industrial and military strength, so everybody in the USA does what Japan tells them to do. The movie business is completely different, featuring lots and anime, super sentai, and kaiju. Also, softcore porn doesn't exist, only extremely perverted or animated porn exists.
However, due to the low birth rate, most people of Japan and the USA face extinction in the year 2060.
(NB: humans with three eyes would struggle to process visual data and wouldn't probably have intellectual capacity required to invent computers or the Internet)
>>308
It's quite boring actually. Almost all entertainment is two- and three-dimensional anyway.
>>310
Did you know that your eyes see the world upside down, but your brain learned to adjust for this when you were flailing your arms around and missing toys all the time in a humiliating and hilarious way as a baby? Doesn't it make you want to wear a pair of reversing glasses? (Which is rather futile, because your brain would adapt in a course of a week)
>>316
A few generations after Hitler and all his right-hand-men died off, the anti-semetic aspects of nazism were abandoned and only the desire to rebuild Germany into a great and prosperous land of peace remained. However, Germany had, by this time, abandoned the bases, so they declared independence. The Arctic base actually eventually was annexed by Canada due to some difficulties in surviving on its own and is now just a research facility. The Antarctic base, however, became the capitol city of the National Socialist Republic of New Germany, which was a major player in the Cold War but collapsed in the early 80's. It has since become the Democratic Republic of Antarctica, a tentative ally of the United States and a major importer of its popular culture.
>>318
What's it like in the universe where Rl'yeh rose from the sea and it turned out that the Elder Gods were actually pretty chill dudes?
>>317
Mahiro can get with Nyaruko without fear, bitter nerds riot and Xebec is firebombed. In response the studio puts the characters of all their anime through traumatic experiences and makes subtle jabs at otaku.
>>319
Whats it like in a world where people throw susbstandard babies into pits a la 300
?
>>318
Every pit looks and smells terrible. But everyone is strong, beautiful and happy. The planet is not overpopulated, and there is not a single social, environmental nor humanitarian problem in the world. As long as vile baby-eating creatures from those pits are well fed...
>>320
What's it like in a world populated by boffins?
>>324
Nobody really has any clue how to make sure they get there. So far, the only confirmed residents of the afterlife we found we Genghis Khan, John F. Kennedy, Adolf Hitler, Rosa Parks, and three guys who died back in prehistory when they were eaten by a swarm of very hungry birds.
>>326
What's it like in the universe where the speed of the human body matches the speed of the human mind?
>>325
People crash at the speeds exceeding 300 km/h and die. The worst are head-on collisions with delta-v of over 600 km/h. However, surviving humans evolutionary adapted to it, so their bodies are much sturdier, and vestibular system is much better developed.
>>327
What's it like in the parallel universe where everyone is sugoooi and suki dayo, and all animals are kawaiiiii?
>>330 Japan is full of tourists all year round, and most people who go there speak a little bit of the language to get by. Westerners go to the Tokyo tower with as much enthusiasm as Japanese people who go to Disneyworld Orlando.
Unfortunately, the whole world is also infested with annoying fangirls and fanboys. Fanboys drive itasha cars like Initial D wannabes and Fangirls go to gay bars where Russians and Germans have gay sex.
>>332 What is it like where Confucius never existed?
>>338
According to Landau, the second law of thermodynamics is not applicable to the universe itself. But here on Earth, I'm about to marry a beautiful steam-powered lady automaton.
>>340
What's it like in a parallel universe where 340 is considered EVIIIL because of some ridiculous religious text that everyone takes seriously?
>>351
Instead of "Hammer Time" jokes when players of fantasy games break out the war hammer, Half-Life players make "Crowbar Time" jokes.
derp. I forgot the question.
>>354
What's it like in the parallel universe where YouTube Poop runs on cable TV?
>>353
Popular schoolkids run around shouting PINGAS, the average workplace water cooler conversation consists of "Hey did you see the PINGAS last night?", awards are given for PINGAS, and laugh-track sitcoms have only a small cult following on the internet.
>>355
What's it like in the parallel universe where sex is not pleasurable and people reproduce artificially?
>>354
The lack of obsession with sex means that people devote their energies to other pursuits and are overall more productive, and the lack of surprise unwanted children means that they're on the whole wealthier and more well-adjusted.
>>356
What's it like in the parallel universe where men die after ejaculating?
>>355
Well, according to Wikipedia, one sperm sample on average gives rise to 0.1–0.6 children, so at that rate the human race would just die out before it even began. But for the sake of this thought experiment, let's assume humanity has found another way to procreate.
The most wealthy countries simply give all males surgery to prevent ejaculating at birth. In other countries men are taught to practice orgasm denial at a young age. And in some places, fundamentalists build a religion that completely prohibits horniness and porn. Real male sperm is a very rare commodity found only on the black market. Men are often considered the "weaker" sex.
>>357
What's it like in the parallel universe where humans must drink sperm every day to survive?
Oh, man, I just had the weirdest dream. Some guy named "Mister 358" was asking me questions, but they, like, didn't make sense. The questions were in English, but they were just... unparseable somehow, y'know?
>>360
Publicly describing all-encompassingly linguistic nounlessly communicating?
>>360 A percentage of the stuff bought with cryptocurrency is taken as tax, rather than the taxation system in your universe. In both our universes there are dirty tricks that help certain people pay less in tax than they should.
>>362 What is it like in the parallel universe where Ron Paul won one presidential election?
>>366 Beehives are a resource only the rich can afford, giving powers equal to those of superheros. They throw expensive hive-beating parties as a sign of status. Hornets are the common man power-up, the kind of thing you get after a long day of work. At most you'll be an Aquaman. Wasps are the poor people power up, they give bullshit powers like the power to turn wine into water.
>>368 What's it like in the universe where presidential candidates are required to be philosophy majors?
>>367
They're just as full of bullshit, just now it's bullshit about things like do we actually exist, and what does all this "really MEAN". Maybe we shoulda taught them something useful instead of head games.
>>369
What's it like in the universe where presidential candidates are required to be economics majors?
>>368 You have some who majored in Keynesian economics and some who majored in Austrian economics. It doesn't help because some switch sides whenever they feel like it.
>>370 What is it like in the parallel universe where the only people who borrow money for college are there for STEM or medical fields?
>>369
Thousands of brilliant thinkers and artists never go to the college because they can't afford it. The lack of diversity and creativity in society leads to stagnation and there is virtually no progress, especially as scientists in debt viciously backstab each other for research grants. The gap between the rich and poor grows even wider. All the artists decide to make their own society somewhere else, but that fails too because they have no scientists to support them.
>>371
What's it like in the universe where the logical statement "If A is C and B is C, then A is B" is true? (e.g. "All cats die. Socrates died. Therefore Socrates is a cat.")
>>370
Law and philosophy students graduate after six months; in general, more things are true for some reason and it's harder to have arguments with people. I'm also posting from a box full of paperclips and elastic bands held together by cheese, since computation as you know it is pure fantasy here.
>>372
What's it like in the parallel universe where the Allied countries didn't occupy Japan for the six years immediately following WWII?
>>371
Well, that particular timeline diverged when the American atomic bomb project failed. So without a superweapon to end the war, the Japanese never officially surrendereed, though eventually their government and society collapsed. The Americans, and eventually the British and Russians, just kept mass-firebombing Japanese cities for years after 1945. They were running out of targets and bombing rural small villages by 1948 or so. Over 80% of Japan's civilian population died.
In 1952 the USSR pulled its occupying armies from what would have become North Korea for an invasion of Japan which experienced only modest resistance. They annexed the islands, and over the next generation tried to recreate Japanese society in their own image.
The Japanese Soviet Socialist Republic declared independence after the USSR collapsed in 1991, and is now this world's version of North Korea--isolated, backwards, run by a paranoid and ruthless personality-cult dictatorship whose official ideology is "Autarukiimarukusu shugi," or "Self-Sufficient Marxism." Japanese refugees give horrifying accounts of famine and brutality when they reach Korea or Taiwan.
There was never a North Korea in this timeline; the Korean peninsula is a unified, highly industrialized nation with its capital at Inchon, and every decade or so there is a fad for Korean cuisine in the English-speaking world.
>>373
What's it like in the parallel universe where time travelers from the 22nd Century accidentally ended up in 1969 and became advisors to the Nixon Administration?
>>372
Their first action was to attempt to speed humanity's exodus from the cradle of Earth. Given three weeks, they were able to deliver NASA a refresher course in historic rocketry that advanced the Apollo program by decades, and which resulted in a greatly advanced lunar landing that year, fulfilling a certain promise which had been laughably unkept in their home timeline. They could do no more, the necessary futher steps being known only as footnotes in high school physics textbooks of the future.
Unfortunately, the travelers' attempts at rectifying social problems were less well-received. A few wars were averted, but arguably worse actions were taken, and the unified world government remains (at least, so it appears) in the dim recesses of the mid 22nd Century. Even worse(?), Nixon severely underestimated how quickly the future would change and took took too many political risks for his legacy's sake - risks that his advisors were helpless to protect him from.
Furthermore, by giving space travel an unexpected kickstart, the travelers unintentionally removed parts of the vital learning process, stunting future growth. Combined with an altered political climate, technological focus quickly shifted into silicon and information systems. Instead of a 21st century with silver-finned rockets and a deadly Martian frontier, the travelers lived to see a world of interwoven fiberoptic cables and ubiquitous computer systems.
>>374
What's it like in a parallel universe where, in the mid 1970s, humanity decided that the peak of fashion had been reached, and that there was no point in ever changing it significantly?
>>378
sorry guise. the first time I clicked on "reply" I got an error message saying the verification captcha was incorrect. ;_;
>>377, >>378, in museums you can see propaganda posters with Mussolini's pop-eyed, unshaven face, with the caption "THIS MAN IS YOUR FRIEND, HE FIGHTS FOR FREEDOM," produced by the UK's Ministry of Propaganda. George Orwell is an unknown there, having committed suicide in 1945 after being forced to write that poster.
>>381, what's it like in the universe where 4chan's code works properly and problems such as that experienced by >>377/>>378/>>379 are avoided?
>>380
The main difference is that M♥♥t didn't pull the plug on the 4chan text boards.
>>382, what is it like in the parallel universe where, about half a million years ago, humans, because they use K-type reproductive strategies, strategies were displaced by lower primates and fast-breeding small shrew-like carnivores that used r-type reproductive strategies?
>>387
The urbanisation is mindboggling. People live in huge skyscrapers that grow around large railroad hubs. They combine business, market and living districts. The majority of population is between the hammer and the anvil, that being railroad tycoons and farmers. Some people die without ever stepping outside.
Roads to these cities are mostly used by villagers who choose sturdy and easy to repair vehicles. They are filthy rich, nonetheless, without them big cities would descend into disorder and rule of the strongest within days.
Railroad is the fastest way of travelling, but an incredibly costly one - maintenance and greed taking their toll. There is a railroad lobby that assures monopoly by campaigning about the dangers of oxidane or thwarting development of flying machines behind the scenes. And inability to make even a single good landing strip isn't helping it to grow beyond small agricultural aviation.
>>389
What is it like in the universe where love blooms on a battlefield?
This THREAD must be interrupted right now. The greatest is and will always be .wpk.kp, the brilliant revolutionary gift from the Eternal General Secretary's unlimited wisdom‼
>>391
Gonzo did it. It flopped mid-season. It caused massive riots because fans wouldn't stand for such an impure fan-service-filled display of their favourite characters, and the general populace didn't understand it and wrote it off as some porn that took forever to get to the action. The chaos caused by this anime resulted in a few assaults, one murder, at least one arson and countless broken windows and overturned cars.
ZUN was accused of becoming a sell-out. He had to give a sincere apology and work extra hard on the next instalment in order to restore faith in him. This eagerly-awaited game still hasn't been released to this day. Rumours are that ZUN have been seen in bars all over Japan often in contradicting, physically impossible times. It's a mystery!
>>393
What is it like in the parallel universe where everyone speaks with unique kyara-gobi?
>>392
There are seven billion people in the world, so you'd think that it takes everyone hours to finish a single sentence, but since there are so many different syllables in commonly-spoken languages we can uniquely identify everyone in three syllables-degeso!
>>394
What's it like in a world where the people prefer hexagonal lcd displays to rectangular ones?
>>396 you can get pictures of someone who is of legal age before they reach that age. However, terrible things happen when they torrent pictures of themselves. People who don't like what they see then decide to change what they do in the future. Each change results in previous files getting deleted and rewritten. No computer can handle that much change in data.
>>398 What is it like in the parallel universe where entering and exiting pipes Mario-style is the #1 way to travel long distances?
>>404 Since nobody wastes their life, the full power of humanity is put to use. We are scientifically advanced, though artistically conservative ("Moe" is unknown). However, sometimes a grey-coated salaryman stops on his way to the office and stares up at the sky for a moment, wondering if all this is really necessary.
>>406 What is it like in the universe where Pangaea never split?
>>405
Due to the spin of the earth, the massive continent becomes centered on the equator. The interior is a hot desert. Animals like reptiles thrive while mammals struggle. No mammals bigger than a rabbit ever evolve.
But let's pretend somehow humans still evolved. The harsh environment and lack of diversity keeps them stuck with primitive society and technology.
>>407
What's it like in the universe where staunch environmentalism is the norm and only small groups of activists are anti-eco? (They prefer to call themselves "pro-human")
>>407
Well, that only came to the forefront of public concern due to events in the first half of the 20th century. The Anum (Anti-Umwelt-Pro-Menschlichkeit) party of Germany rose to power and ended up depriving the world of some 12 million plantkin (six million of whom were evergreen trees). Long story short, there was worldwide warring and now it is illegal to hang Christmas decorations in Germany.
Some small pro-human groups decide to burn trees and shout loudly about things every so often, but luckily there are so few of them that PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Arboreal life (and other plantkin)) manage to keep things under control without the Neo-Anums getting too much news coverage.
>>409
What's it like in the universe where people get a different talent every birthday, replacing last year's talent, but don't immediately know what it is?
>>408 Everyone is white, asian or a mix thereof. The entire world is a high trust society, peaceful and law abiding, and everyone does their best, because to do less would be dishonorable. Every male child is put through a brutal coming of age test to cull the weak.
>>410
What's it like in the universe where cats have thumbs?
>>413
Humans fly spaceships shortly thereafter.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soviet_space_dogs
>> 415
What is it like in the parallel universe where a series of meteorite impacts suddenly flattened all nations' capital cities in 1939?
>>415 World War II was delayed several years because there was no furher or emperor. During the time of peace, several travel destinations had changed. Milan Italy and Manchester England are two of the most popular cities for tourists.
>>433 Every morning at school children stand hand-on-heart and sing Dragostea Din Tei.
>>435 It boggles my mind, but is the population in your universe really sustained by one humungous communal semen silo used to inseminate all women? It's outside my comprehension but there must be some downsides to that that I'm missing?
>>434 There are no downsides if the god-king's avatar, the idol of fertility and ultimate provider of the seed of life wills it. Now it is time to prepare for the harvest festival, it's time to don my ceremonial robes and provide my own seed for His will.
>>436 What's it like in the universe where human beings walk 6km/h faster on average?
>>441
Weird Al was actually born centuries ago and his oeuvre remained hidden until it was discovered some decades ago when it was mined for material by the pop music industry since it was in the public domain.
>>443
What's it like in the universe where everybody has to learn about anime history in school?
Since people associate anime with school, many people don't like to watch it. It is much like the people in your universe who hate reading Shakespeare books because school forces them to do it. Teens love to watch K-drama more than they do in this universe, because watching K-drama feels like rebelling against school.
>>445 What is it like in the parallel universe where Elvis never died and never stopped making music?
>>444
All of the people who spent time theorizing about the death of Elvis had a lot of spare time. With that spare time, they all collectively researched anti-capitalist thought and spread the good word of communism. Now we produce for consumption instead of profit and nobody does work that isn't necessary.
>>446
What's it like in the universe where everybody knows that capitalism is killing humanity and still nobody does anything?
>>445
Only healthy, competitive and sane people survive. The neurotic and weak noncompetitive people died out long ago. On the whole, humanity is strong and happy and while it's a struggle to make one's place in the world, it's a struggle everyone embraces.
Also, the pizza is magnificent, and colleges actually teach you useful skills for your future.
>>447
What's it like in that communist paradise world you keep going on about?
>>448
Sosig never happened. He ended up being injury-prone throughout his entire career. Due to the wasted resources, Rangers never had the success in Europe that they have in your universe, either.
His ACL is fucking RAW!
>>450
What's like in the universe where the Raving Rabbids never faded in popularity?
>>457 Out of all the uncountably infinite universes that exist, there is not a single one in which you kiss anyone. Well, there's that one, but in that one you get arrested shortly after...
>>459 What's it like in the universe where humans have cum-bladders for producing unfathomable amounts of cum per cum?
>>463
In the universe where everyone is lazy and uses AI text generators to finish their sentences, the sentence "I'm just trying to be a good boyfriend right now" would be written like this: "Are you okay with me dating other people right now?"
>>465
What's it like in the universe where you are okay with me dating other people right now?
>>465
Knowledge of the wheel faded into obscurity. The wheel was rediscovered and utilised in the Tuscan enclaves in the early 18th century, who reconquer much of Europe, Northern Africa and the Near East in the first half of that century. We landed man on the Mercury in the 50's. There, we have built pleasure domes for the elite and there have we initiated the hypnoslav breeding directive.
>>467
What is it like in the universe where bush was visiting the twin towers on 11th september 2001?