Because I like you all so much, instead of choosing a single ending I will write scenarios for every suggestion given. Enjoy!

[X] Sing "Tomorrow I'll (Robotnik's penis song)"

You know what must be done. Thinking fast, you realise you don't have time for the intro and therefore skip straight into the first chorus. You feel it doesn't quite have the same weight as a full rendition, but the effect is sufficient.

"Tomorrow I'll invent those blueprints,
Tomorrow I'll start!
Tomorrow I'll invent a PINGAS
Tomorrow I'll -blargh!"

Your audience halts their intimidating approach, looks of mild confusion and intrigue on each of their five faces. Being a rather bright young girl, 2-Amino-3-(1H-indol-3-yl)propanoic acid-chan cottons on to what is happening immediately and takes Tails' role. Her shrill voice is perfect for the part.

"You guys aren't going to get away with this!
You guys aren't going to get away with this!"

"TOUCH MY PINGAS!" you shout, complete with jazz hands. Six pairs of eyes descend to your crotch, which you are thrusting for emphasis.

From the second chorus onwards, your audience becomes more appreciative. Tablecat nods in time to the music and the Prismriver sisters provide musical accompaniment.

At the first cry of "Cut the monitors!" Squeeks dives into the centre of the room, breakdancing so fluidly he seems to ignore gravity and friction for a few glorious seconds.

The third and fourth choruses pass as though in a dream, strobe lighting and atmospheric fog appearing and blending into the scene as though they had always been there.

You realise the end is swiftly approaching. You fill your lungs with air, preparing for the grand finale. You finish with a cry so filled with force and emotion it shakes the very room itself.

"PIIIIIINGAAAAAAAAAS!!!"


~~~~

"My name is Squeeks and I guess this was all just a big misunderstanding."

All of you are sitting around (or on) the table discussing how this could have gone so much worse, and telling amusing anecdotes between sips of green tea. 2-Amino-3-(1H-indol-3-yl)propanoic acid-chan turns to you and gives a comment which you believe sums it up perfectly.

"We couldn't have done it without your PINGAS!"

THE END

!!! WARNING !!! The following scenario requires moderately intimate knowledge of the Touhou Project to be fully understood.

[X] Check party to properly prepare equipment and skill sets before battle.

Unsure of exactly why you are doing it, you check your party.

> CYOA Protagonist (class: warrior)
> 2-Amino-3-(1H-indol-3-yl)propanoic acid-chan (class: mage)
> Reimu Hakurei (class: miko)

...Wait, what?!

You turn to face the suddenly very obvious shrine maiden, who stares back at you with heavy lidded, world weary eyes. She speaks with lips which look better suited to a smoking cigarette.

"What do you want?"

Despite the fact you feel you should be used to dealing with young women appearing out of nowhere by now, you still only manage to blurt out the first vaguely sensible thing that comes to mind.

"I... um... well y'see there's this pack of youkai over there and..."

She lunges forward before you have even finished speaking, her gohei raised over her head and her face contorted in the start of a savage battle cry.

"No! Wait! I have to properly prepare our party's equipment first!"

The look she gives you says more than words ever could.

> CYOA Protagonist - Equipment:
>> Plot armour
>> Encyclopedic knowledge of organic chemistry

> 2-Amino-3-(1H-indol-3-yl)propanoic acid-chan - Equipment:
>> Plot armour
>> Power of love

> Reimu Hakurei
>> Gohei
>> Spellcard (x6)
>> Sexy miko armpits

"My name is Squeeks and are you sodding well done yet?"

"N- no, I, um, still have to check the skill sets..."

The hesitant revelation is greeted with a chorus of tutting, sighs and rolled eyes.

> CYOA Protagonist - Skill set
>> Strength: 7
>> Agility: 4
>> Wisdom: 12
>> Charm: 5

"You know what, I don't fucking care any more."

The ribbon clad woman practically spits the words at you, before lunging forwards once more, aiming straight at the Prismriver sisters. The table denizen locks eyes with your lover and you face the remaining enemy - Squeeks. Seeing how the battle is turning out, you decide to try to land the first punch.

You ready your fist and swing it wildly towards his ridiculous face, hoping to god you don't end up sinking your hand into his shit-hat. Before the blow lands your vision is filled with a huge image of Reimu smirking and the text "Dream Sign 「Evil Sealing Circle」".

As you flinch backwards in the least manly way imaginable, 2-Amino-3-(1H-indol-3-yl)propanoic acid-chan shouts at you to "Get the fuck out of the way". You dive backwards only to see her struggle into a black and white frilled witch's dress, before donning a laughably oversized pointed hat. She takes out her hakkero, mutters to it softly and thrusts it forwards with a shout;

"Love Sign 「Master Spark」!"


~~~~

Even so many decades later, the image remains etched in your mind of the five meter wide laser tearing through the air in front of your beloved's face. That night you may have lost your sight, but you also lost something much more important.

2-Amino-3-(1H-indol-3-yl)propanoic acid-chan - or should I say Marisa Kirisame - did apologise. She apologised for permanently blinding you, for lying to you about her identity, for taking advantage of your obsession with organic chemistry, for vaporising six people and half your kitchen, but in the end a betrayal this deep cannot be nullified with mere words.

Your innocence stripped from you, you grow to be a bitter blind old man. You never read, hear or speak about organic chemistry again.

THE END