I stopped using my "aspie" mind to lose myself in fantasy, instead resuming the learning of complex mathematical material. Mainly this was important as I am in cahoots with a friend concerning technical development. I also love learning generally so it had the added effect of keeping me from experiencing crippling-fucking-depression. However when my focus shifts entirely from fantasy to a subset of reality I become lonely and long for a real love interest. But I also only require them temporarily (a few hours at most). Usually my imagination would have sufficed for this, but I decided to become 'involved' romantically with a close friend of mine. When I lost interest (which meant I just stopped concentrating on human compassion) I realized that they still felt very strongly about me. Because I don't want to hurt them, I am emulating the reality for them that I love them as much as they love me. But this takes up much of the attention I could be spending on learning. I am very depressed as my terribly kind heart does not want to ignore them altogether purely for my own benefit. The fact that I am not learning and have not been for a while because of this just makes me even more depressed. Thus, all in all I am pretty fucking sad.