/love/ my life is a parallel of the worst romantic movie ever and now I don't know how to stop the film!
It feels like each relationship I've gone through is already pre-destined to go through a set of plot devices that go something like this:
#1.
We start out as friends, enjoying music, comic books and making fun of faggots in the hall together.
#2.
We begin to hang out on the weekends, watching movies, smoking pot and talking about our past.
#3.
We begin to flirt back and forth, the whispers and brushing back and forth, an occasional kiss.
THEN NOTHING.
IT ALL JUST DIES.
I don't understand how, after Plot Device #3, we just revert back to Plot Device #1 and never go to #3 again.
Is it me? Am I not being obvious enough about what I want? Do I send the wrong signals?
Am I......not Girlfriend Material?
Oh /love/, this really blows!
After #3 do you discuss having a relationship??
Watch some Good romantic movies and see how it's done?
Perhaps.. the guys you are dating are too shy.
Or just aren't intrested in you.
But hell, girl, you are doing better than me. I get no play at all :(
>>5
Damnit. Is there any way to coax shy boys out of their shells?
I mean...I'm doing all I know.
As a shy boy I have to say: force them out of it. Drag them along with you.
If it seems like they're okay with it, they love it. If it doesn't seem like they're not okay with it, they don't like it.
If they're shy, confront them with the questions you have.
At worse, you'll just find out that they don't have an interest in you (unlikely, or why would they have hung out with you that long?) or that they just aren't ready and/or are too immature for commitment. (most likely)
Personally, I've never hung out with a girl I didn't like. ...but I've never dated either. :(
Be determined, if you sense things are dieing, dont let it.
>>7
Graaarrg, why are boys so much work?
>>8
I don't want to come off as that crazy chick who won't let it go. I would rather things just flow.
Is that too picky?
Also, as a continuation of my original query, is it possible that (even though I told Boy A that we should just be friends) we could still try it again, or should I just forget it and look for a more confident boy?
>>9
Some boys are just way too intimidated by this "dating game". You have to FORCEFULLY drag them out of their shell, and if they REALLY don't have any interest, they'll sometime just flat out tell you that
Well, I'll give you advice, but this is assuming one thing and one thing only: he's not afraid of contact.
My advice here is continue on like usual, but... when you get a moment alone and that impulse to love him grows strong, I'd give him a hug and ask him, "Could we stay like this... just for a moment?". The reason you should do this is to determine a few things:
1) Is he afraid of you? I know you've dated, but... he's not sticking with you anymore. Maybe something's bothering him? If he refuses to stay put, hold him a little tighter, but if he honestly resists, let him go, and walk away. Don't talk to him. Just. Walk. Away. I think he might need some downtime, especially if he refuses you. It might hurt him, keep this in mind, but he needs to think about this. If he's not commiting, you shouldn't be tearing your heart over thinking about him; it will only hurt more.
2) If he accepts, then you know you still have a chance. Ask him something that's been on your mind lately. One such example is, "why did it all change?". If he doesn't know what you're talking about, I'm not certain he has given enough thought to this relationship as you have... However, if he does ask what do you mean, simply reply, "what do you think it means?". The idea here is to instigate from him a response. You got to know him better.
3)???
4)Profit!
Sorry, 3 & 4 was just for kicks. Anyway, I hope you read this and take it to heart. Ask me any questions if you have them. I'll be glad to respond.
Maybe just don't kiss him. Be pissed off about it.
>>14
Remember, he is as scared of rejection as you are. I mean, I know I am. :(
bottom line is, if you don't do anything, chances are he wont either :/
Perhaps he is too nerveous.
You do have to do something to get him out of his shell.
Get him tipsy. (ho ho ho)
being a shy guy ill agree with the people here in make the first move. I've been in the same situations and because both of us are shy nothing happened. Even just playfully suggesting something, or joking about the subject may help. Just get the subject out into the air and you'll be suprised.
yeah, if you need advice for how to deal with shy guys, this is probably where you will find a good amount of us.
If the guys are at all like me, they might be afraid that they are starting to like you, and you don't like them. I have a female friend who commonly gives me hugs and other sorts of physical attention, but I really don't think she is at all interested in me. I think she is just affectonate. I may be wrong though.
and this may be the problem with your guys. Have you ever actually told them "I love you" or "I really like you"?
>>Have you ever actually told them "I love you" or "I really like you"?
Oh my god, no. I get embarrassed talking about things like that with boys I like. I guess I just expect them to know by my continual interest and well..I don't know.
Why are you going after shy guys? Are they your thing? Go after someone who challenges you and keeps you on your toes. Also, if you see that the same thing is happening over and over again JUST TAKE A BREAK from it all. Evaluate what you like in a guy and when you meet a guy that scores high on your score sheet give him a shot. Just because a guy likes the same things as you do and does the same things as you doesnt mean he is all into you. Heck, guys go to church with their girlfriends and on the inside they truly hate God--but they do it to win the girl right? You arent supposed to do the work of getting a guy interested in you. They are. They love challenges and when you just drop into their arms you are an easy catch and they just move on.