I guess I fucked up.

On Friday, I told her I feel more for her than just sympathy. On MSN. It wasn't my intention to, because I know that doing this the online way is stupid. But she asked me if I have ever fallen in love, and the chat eventually led me to tell her. After I told her on MSN, she said she didn't know if she felt the same way, but she admitted to her wondering herself if I felt more for her than just sympathy. She said.."let's see how this will work out". She asked me if I wanted to meet the next day, I agreed.

We met, but I was kind of cold and distant, I didn't even shake hands with her when we met. We went to the lake, rode a two seat pedalo boat, I played some guitar, she sang, then I swam for half an hour, while she stayed on the pedalo boat and tried playing guitar.

We then to a Karaoke bar, but my mood somehow changed for the worse. I became even more distant and looked bored. She asked me a couple of times if I wanted to leave, I said no. told her that even though I was having a good time despite looking bored. When we left sometime after midnight, I had to catch a train and was in a hurry. So I just shook her hand and then went off.

I still have social phobia, she doesn't anymore.
I don't know. I have (temporary?) doubts I'll ever find a girlfriend. And this is probably over, I think we both realize that I'm just too reserved, distant, cold, shy for a relationship. I have a lot of self-improvement to do before I think about having a relationship. Fucking hell.