I'm in love with this girl that doesn't love me back, or at least that's what she told me last year. Which normally would be fine. I might be down for a while, shed a tear or two, and go on with my life. The problem is that I did none of these things. It feels like shes growing in my mind even though I try to stay away from her. I saw her a few times this year and almost exploded. My theory is that she's about the only woman in the world that actually gives two-shits about my life and i'm completely dependent on it and scared to find someone else.
I have two sisters and a mom that are more into their own worlds to care about mine. My mom and dad are divorced, so I don't see my dad much. My dad was not a bad dad, I mean I know he loves me and helps me as much as he can, but he's kind of mean and subjective. We never really bonded, so I am more or less in my room most of the time at home. Middle child syndrome is bad for me,(took meds, I see a counsler...blah blah blah) so my self-esteem while recovering is still kind of low. I'm into anime and shit and a little socially retarded as far as things like music and movies and shit that chicks talk about (I hear about it 24-7 from my sisters so why should I fucking care?)
In fact, I kind of hate women. Not them as people, but the society catered around women. Okay, maybe I hate women in general. So I figured that since I hate women, I won't mind being alone all my life and doing whatever the fuck I want to do.
Honestly, I hate this chick. She's irritating, annoying, selfish, petty, and tells my business in the street. Shes a pain in the ass. But I like her. Alot. So when I told her and she said no I figured that we'd part ways and that is that. But no. She still pops up and irritates me. And i'm like one step away from going total pussy mode and telling her I love her AGAIN and letting everything explode in my face.
What do you guys think? Am I just in super denial and I need to face my own emotions? Did she just lie about not liking me too, and she's just doing the shit she does for attention? Or is it a personal problem?