Starcraft Becomes Newest Olympic Sport
http://4-ch.net/news/kareha.pl/1125114777/5
BEIJING, CHINA. -- In response to intense pressure from both Koreas and nerd lobbyists worldwide, the International Olympic Committee has added the best-selling computer strategy game Starcraft™ to both their summer and winter rosters, with plans to embrace more electronic 'sports' in the near future. "We can no longer deny the fact that in today's world, people sitting on their ass and going 'kekekekeke' are far closer to the common man then synchronized swimmers or ice skaters," spokesman Henri Petomane scribbled to us on a Fritos-stained napkin while waiting for the guy on the other end to unpause. "Competitions that involve no actual physical effort will paint us a clearer picture of every nation represented."

The People's Republic of China, site of the highly anticipated 2008 Summer Olympics, embraced the decision. "At this very moment, we are fielding a team of China's best and brightest to master this innovative new sport," Olympic liaison Tai Mai Shu text-messaged us using Red Dragon Instant Messenger (the only IM program coded for the proletariat, unlike those capitalist pigs' AIM and MSN.) "We are confident that we will be able to zerg rush the competition."

Not all considered it glorious news, however. Dick Smallberries of the Sovereign Union of Counter-Strike (SUCS) told us while AWPing a noob, "All those Starcraft fags do is click, click, click. Whereas in CS you have to click on the guy's head. It's clearly the superior test of skill. Can you get a head shot in Starcraft? I think not!"