just wanted to say i'm new with the whole 4ch thing and have been lurking for a couple of weeks now. please bear with me.

i'm a polar opposite of who i was 3 years ago, which was the time i was in grade eleven, i was quite popular with friends in the wrong crowd, drugs, sex, gang violence. until the time i was arrested for assault and battery w/ weapons. i saw what it did to my family, my mother affected me most, for them i did my best to change. i had let go of all my friends, transfered schools, but no matter what i couldn't avoid them. the threats started quite quickly so i began skipping school and staying at home. only time i got out is in the evening for a few minutes - 7eleven run. i'm afraid of being out for too long, i don't want my history to catch up to me. meaning 'those' people finding me.

it's '07 now, and i'm sure you've all made your resolutions, most of you anyways. in mine, i plan to get out and stop being afraid, getting a job and finishing school. i was born late in my parent's timeline and i do realize they are getting older, thanks to the movie 'click' with adam sandler. all i want to do is make them happy before they go. its hard enough as it is getting a job, i've already tried an endless amount of times with my resumes but they don't seem to get the job done. i hardly have any support, no friends. i feel so alone, when i walk around seeing people with people, its been awhile since i've been out for a long period of time so i act differently from everyone else. they 'know' and they stare at me, i can't help but feel out of the picture. i feel so fucking alienated, like a freak and for this first week of '07, i'm still hiding in my room. what do i do? i want to change so much, but it makes me almost want to cry every time i step out into the world. sorry for letting it all out but at this point i feel that if i don't, i'd be digging myself some very 'grave' consequences.