(I fucked the first thread, someone please delete that.)
I've had no real memories of happiness, as far as I can recall. My first memory was of my mother dragging me in pyjamas, barefoot, across the city to show me the place where my father was having sex with his lover. I recall my mother telling e and my little sister to call dad to her new lover of the week after they divorced. I remember my mother teaching me to distrust everyone else but herself. I remember learning too well; I learned to distrust everybody, including my mother and my little sister.
I was bullied until I was 14. I would end crying mos of the time. My mother would ask me why I was crying, then she would hit me for not telling her why, and then again for not stop crying.
My father tried to choke us out of her by sending her a little money as possible. We had to move over twenty times because we were not able to pay the rent.
I eventually stopped crying for a while.
Still, my sister would try to find everything she could about me, so she could tell my mother, and gain a little recognition on her eyes. She was starving for affection, and if that included sacrificing her brother for it, so be it.
Eventually my mother married the first man stupid enough to fall for her. They had a child, ad he grew to become a psycho. He has tried to poison me twice.
I think I was almost happy when I had my first girlfriend. We were fourteen, and to her was the only one who would listen. To me, she was the only one who I could trust, and love. When I ound out she was bulimic, it became a hell for me, since I was afraid to lose her everyday.
i read everything
I did as well.
I wonder how many people have had a painful life like yours, because so many people have existed in the past already. I think that most of their personal worries and pain is no longer remembered by anyone. Even something like WWII is already mostly remembered through entertainment: movies, books and games, rather than through the memories of those who suffered and are still able to tell us about it. Eventually the universe will end and everything will be forgotten, like it never even happened.
I hope you are able to forget now and still have some happy moments.
friend youre not alone i'm living something similar but i'm only 26
It is hard to "forget memories" (unless you become depersonalized) only learn to live with them and forgive those who harmed you
It only gets worse. I'm fucked up.
You'll feel better if you share details, people here will read what you write
Actually, nothing improves. It would be futile.
Don't feel like that. Life is a gift. I'm depressed and then I think:
I have two legs. I can walk wherever I want to. I will walk.
My heart still beats, I hate it.
I was going to ask this question to the last poster in the Baby Human topic, but decided I should probably make atopic out of it.
Well, how do you survive? Live with your parents, work off the internet, live with other relatives, supported by girlfriend/friends, still go to school, still go to work, inheritage, participate in money farming?
Post your source of income here, along with your age, if you feel like it.
As for me: Age 21. I live with my parents, but most of my income comes from my community college (still trying to get through it). The rest comes from different things I've done online, like checks from those free Ipod sites and ads on sites I've ran.
Live alone, get money from parents. Theyre hate me, hehe
hikkimotri since 1999 only had 3 odd jobs no college leave with mom. my life is getting owrst by the day and n
my last rope.
If I asked you to improve your English, it'd be like someone asking me to buckle down and finish high school math. We're the same, you and me. I just have more pretensions.
I am a hiki with zero prospects and an intense disinterest in engaging reality. I need to make some money. I would try to scam people on kickstarter but I am also a coward! Suggestions welcome.
I am working as part-time prostitute :D
Do the people living in the Johnstown, New York. Know that Sean Kinnier hates Blacks and calls them "Niggers" and has a thing for raping Mexicans and calling them Spics and Beaners.
He sounds like a cool guy.
let me indulge in your problems, im here to listen and i want to help you guys out, unfortunately not directly, but with a project.
Working is for losers
History is my main hobby
All our welcome to the Sean Kinnier Nigger hating fan club
but you are on 4ch!
I would like to see CP
of course I know its wrong, and Im a satisfied with 12chan and onlyhotchan
But are there any other possible pedophiles here?
Most "Pedos" on the net are trolls
I would like if at least little girl nudity would be legal
We all have our "fantasies". But it's pure danger when someone carries out their fantasies. Fantasies are personal and not dangerous. But when you attempt to carry them out, it's pure criminal activity. I have no remorse for these pedophiles. I know you may be fucked up in the head, but soliciting sex from a minor and driving to the residence is a crime in and of itself, despite never engaging in illegal activity. These people see signs, but pursue. These are dangers. Lock them up.
This is why nobody has empathy for pedophiles
@ the person above me. locking up pedophiles won't do shit so hows about you shut up and stop making things worse. when you release a pedophile from prison he'll either stop molesting out of fear of getting jailed again or he'll keep on doing it because his desires were strong enough to where he didn't care what the consequences were to molestation.
the point i'm trying to get across is show some damn sympathy, these people need to seek help and rehabilitation, not jailtime, because that won't solve anything
my theory is that any pedo should be dealt with by any adult who has children because theyd kill you. im fucking disgusted to see this thread. any kind of child porn is wrong i dont care if thats what gets you off. my advice is kill yourself. go to your kitchen, get a knife and cut your wrists or take some pills you fucking dirty evil freaks. youd be doing parents and children a favour. they need to bring the death penalty in for dirty losers like you.
go die pedos xxx no ammount of excuses from you will change how i feel because your not right in the head :)
You make a comment about someone committing suicide and end it with a emoticon
You definitely sound like a mature person
all pedos WILL Die, ...someday >>6 just like they have for THOUSANDS of YEARS!
You do not know if your children will go off to college and fester an addiction for pedo, or beer, or herione, or mass murder, or gambling, or manipulation, or hacking, or yoga, or bible studies.
But these are YOUR kids, the ones you love, and respect, and protect. These are your kids, with their own mind and freedom of chioce.
Your off-spring will Die ...someday. It's normal.
You will end in prison dude
FBI is probably already working on you
I'm only into 2D kids, but I really like doing things that are illegal but carry little risk. Downloading gives me a rush, but soon the video or image finishes and I open it and the only thing I feel is disappointment. It's not like I find the content morally repugnant or anything, I'm in no position to criticize others for their fetishes, but I guess in the end I'm really just not into 3D.
I remember reading a study that suggested that viewing CP reduced the likelihood of a pedophile targeting an actual child, but I didn't save it and haven't been able to find it again.
I'm 22, I study mathematics. I used to skateboard and drink lots of alcohol in my 13-18s. My parents would always give me money and I would leave the house for 8-10 hours, skateboarding and drinking. I do not remember much from that age. I do remember myself being an exceptional kid earlier than that. Others would always tell me how smart and kind I am. I was also a brat sometimes, bragging about the expensive stuff that I would get from my parents (but I do remember that I did this without malice). I also remember myself having philosophical thoughts. A particular one was that I was wondering about infinite universes hiding inside the atoms. I remember having problems in school (being called hyperactive).
Later, in high school, things would get much worse, and most teachers would consider me the worst of the worst. I would often be a human shield for other students. When something in class went wrong and some student was blamed, if I judged that the teacher was incorrectly blaming him/her, I would do something even more stupid, so that the attention would drift to my case. This naturally caused me to have many enemies in the teachers' circle. My life would be wasted if I hadn't gotten a computer. I started learning programming on my own and I pretty much mastered it. I did this because I wanted to be a hacker. I had deep political convictions back then, and I wanted to push my own agenda by hacking important servers and putting up messages. I did not succeed, but I later lost interest in that. This interest in programming, however, saved me: I learned to study on my own, and when the time came, I managed to get into university and study maths. I was always very good at maths.
I am glad that you did not become a hacker. Prison is not really a nice place for smart guys. Find a job and make some friends.
You are getting PHD great!! But what is more important is getting proper good paying job! Good luck
I think your story is great, sorry you feel so lonely.
I also think getting a computer saved my life. A lot of my middle school and high school friends drank and did drugs, but early on I was never really tempted to join them because there were so many incredible things I could do with my computer. If I spent my time on the internet, I could make new friends, build websites and learn new things. It always seemed like a much better time investment.
I went through a brief period in high school where I did drugs. My main motivation was loneliness and curiosity. It didn't last long, but around that period I made lot of bad decisions and felt horrible about myself. I even contemplated suicide around that time.
Eventually, I realized I was just in a vicious cycle of bad behavior and knew I wanted to change. Once again, I went back to my computer and started to teach myself things. I learned how to be less shy. I joined some forums dedicated to self-improvement. I changed how I acted in school and started to make more friends IRL. Not long after, I started programming again and started my own business while still in school.
Thanks for sharing your story OP. I'll keep this thread open in a tab and check back periodically if you ever come back and want to chat.
I have no time to go into details, but yeah I am a guy with some college education from Putins Russia. That means i want to escape. Since my education is shit, I wont get a visa anywhere.... So I decided to buy some property in Latvia.
Yes I am Russian willing to move into that Nazi state because I can afford to buy property there.
I dont support Stalin and I kinda interested in Baltic States, but I am Russian that means they would hate me. I dont have a million to buy property in Germany so the only choice is Latvia. Estonia is out of question, because they would simply kill me because I am Russia. So... latvia... Can anyone tell me anything about Latvia? Is it possible for me to move there? It seems to be a nice country but I am Russian....
Fuck putin :(
cheeky breeky, stalker
I'm 21 years old.
I lost my virginity around 20 days ago.
I knew things would get steamy, but I didn't think I would go all the way.
More than me losing it, but more of who I lost it to- I never liked that guy that way, he was a Joker but he annoyed me.
I remember in one of our conversations, he once said 'You know how to take a man to heaven'. I just 'lol'd' it off but I thought in my head 'Well, I won't ever be taking you there'.
After that night, I wanted to to it again, I remember.
What the fuck brain, I thought.
I've been crying now and then, right from the bus trip back to this day.
What adds to the guilt was- I wanted it at that point. I wanted it...but didn't want it. I wanted it too much to have fought away. My mind tends to replay the events of that fateful night, and goes off on alternate endings 'If you had just left that room...'
'If you didn't go on that holiday trip and rotted in your Hostel room instead...'
Side note- There is a lad I like, we talked everyday since I knew him in September. Whom I -wanted- to lose it to.
Why do you care? You're in a feminist world, just go full whore and enjoy yourself while putting male virgins on /r9k/ down.
Most people seem to be disappointed with (or regretful of) their first time. I wouldn't worry about it. If anything you are more adequately prepared (physically and mentally) for when you have sex with someone you truly care about, e.g. the boy you like.
Just relax and don't get too hung up about it. Most people have multiple sex partners throughout their lives, so it's not like everyone stays with the person they lose their virginity to.
Look, you don't have to care about this sort of thing. It's a lot worse to not have had any experience with sex, isn't it?
My first time was awful, and in fact, I've only ever been with my ex-girlfriend who I couldn't stand. My only experiences with sex have been completely negative. I find the whole thing kind of disgusting, in fact. But then, that's not how it should be. Life isn't a fairy tale and you won't fall in love with your first partner. I just have some severe emotional problems, so you shouldn't be like me. Just keep on going and find the person who's right for you.
I was pressured into sex my first time and though I felt very bad about giving my first experience to a selfish girl, that feeling did pass and since then I have had good lovemaking experiences. You will too, femanon, and that will help you heal your regret. You know why you feel bad about it and that's a healthy beginning to healing too.
Dat thought :D
The lad I like is a virgin naughty grin :D
Thank you for sharing thoughts and experiences everyone.
I'd like to think I'm slowly coming out of it.
But I'm in a phase where I think I feel better but suddenly, whatever happened comes back to me and I'm like 'Shit'.
By the way, the lad I liked; we are together now. I'm happy to have him by my side :)
Valuing virginity is a purely cultural phenomenon. It's completely arbitrary, and actually goes much against our human nature.
Ignore it all, and learn how to listen to your own body.
I am Japanese.
I can not speak English.
Please teach me English.
watch and imitate the movie "My fair lady".
I am British and would love to learn Japanese. Maybe we can help each other?
I am indonesian, I am interesting in japanese culture, entertain and others...
my english was not bad, I hope I can help you...
You look like you're speaking English just fine to me... Is this some sort of scheme to get money out of me?