I probably have other problems first but I this is my biggest fear right now.
I have actually been in school for a long long time, I got my degree in Economics a few years ago (took me 7 years almost to finish due to failing in first year) but I've grown due to this I think and have realized I'm not as dumb as I thought.
I've always been very shy and didn't have a lot of friends until high school. I also didn't really work till near the end of my University years. I worked retail part-time, and met some people. I was there for almost 3 years but after they changed management I got pretty fed-up and just quit. I even worked there for half a year after I finished Uni, and when I couldn't find a job my friend from elementary referred me to a job in his office area. I was good, made decent money and the job was decent. I felt really intimidated because most people were older than me or just plain old, and the workplace 'felt' really strict for me. Sadly I got let go due to downsizing. In the end, I didn't really meet anyone I could keep in touch with. I quit my retail job near the end of 2012 (around Christmas) when I just couldn't stand management anymore, and January 2013 (last year) was when I got let go from the office.
I lived on employment insurance for most of last year, because I could get more than if I found a shittier job. However, when I got let go was when I decided due to the influence of my gf and one of my good friends that I should try for an accounting diploma. I want to be an accountant, and my grades so far have been mostly good (I started with 4 A's in a row for the entry courses) and I was surprised I've done so well even in the harder courses. I've also attended some workshops at school regarding how to get hired by the 'main' companies (big 4 if you're familiar). I realize that I basically need to network and need to be social.
Social aptitude cn be faked pretty easily. Most people repeat the same themes over and over again. If you don't know what to say pretend to be interestedin what hey say and sk them to tel you more, or to explain further.
They all love he sound of their own voice.
Dude you even have a girlfriend! How can it be possible that you don't know how to socialize? Anyway, here's how things are: When you talk to someone, try to think of where they come from and what they want. Serve their needs on a silver plate when talking to them and they'll like you. Suggest staying in touch in some method. Do this with everyone you meet. You'll become very social, but be aware that this might consume you, as you will generally spend more time thinking for others and doing what others want instead of thinking for yourself and doing what you want.
I hope this helps.
I, unfortunately, lost myself in this method, because, I started doing it at a young age, and it more than consumed me. Would not recommend
There's always the possibility to stop talking to everyone and anyone you don't want to.
Anyone know any good jobs or careers for a person with schizoid personality disorder to go into?
Maybe you are just another bisexual?
Its hard to be bisexual. I know this cuz I am bisexual.
Seek professional help before it is too late.
This disorder can kill your personality.
I'm happy being schizoid, I just need a good job to do.
Programming, design, any job where you don't have to personally deal with retards, etc. Engineering fields might interest you.
Good question. There are also opportunities online, should you have the education. Many companies prefer to pay free lancers or home employees since they don't have to pay for a building; things like graphic design, website shit, possibly writing--definitely for free lancing but that's really competitive and variable profitable. One of these would be my ideal job, had I the skill.
'Personality' is just how you act in front of other people. Honestly, it really doesn't matter to misanthropes or schitzoids, or people whom simply don't enjoy the company of others.
>implying programmers and engineers don't have to deal with obnoxious mouth-breathing oxygen-thief drooling cockmongers every single day
It's a parody, but you get the idea. If you have a low tolerance for outrageous, stupid, brazen bullshit, tech is the wrong field for you.
I am Japanese.
I can not speak English.
Please teach me English.
watch and imitate the movie "My fair lady".
I am British and would love to learn Japanese. Maybe we can help each other?
So, basically as the title says. the Demon Azazel has come to me in my dreams twice. It scares me a little, but due to the fact that it happens while i'm going through "Sleep Paralysis", it makes me wonder.
A month before the first encounter, I was facinated by demons. I decided to look up pictures of a lot of them, and Azazel scared me the most. If i'm going through a scientific solution to this, it is that fact why he came to me while in sleep paralysis.
The first encounter was that it felt like I was in hell, fire was surrounding my bed, and I saw dancing shadows. Then I heard a screaming demonic voice coming towards me down my hall. right as it was about to burst though my door I regained control of my body and everythigns stopped.
The second encounter happend a year later, I was watching TV and I fell asleep because I didnt sleep well the night before. I "woke up" and found that the TV was off and I couldnt move. I saw my reflection on the TV, but standingnext to the couch I was sleeping on was Azazel. He just stood there, not moving. When I regained control of my body, the image dissapeared.
The thing is, I'M NOT JEWISH! This is why i'm thinking it's not some supernatural phenomenon. Why would a Jewish demon come to me in my sleep?
Because you read about it and looked up pictures, and had a fascination with it? And we usually interpret nightmares after we wake up, because without giving it a normal interpretation it doesn't make sense.
Pot's gettin' to ya, man.
Sleep Paralysis is a spiritual attack on humans from any non human entity that has the ability to contol your body, energy, and thoughts while you are in a state of sleep. Weather or not the opposing entity induces sleep depends on who it/they are attacking. During my attacks my energy is drained from me so severely that I believe I will not wake from the horrifying situation. Although the attacks startedwhen I was around two years old I never understood what was happening to me until I became fascinated with the occult enough to research the supernatural. Only recently have I studied sleep paralysis because I didn't know there was a name for what I've been suffering from. A few months. ago I saw who was doing this to me. During an attack I opened my eyes and looked to the left of my bed. I remember feeling so incredibly drained I wasn't sure if I could wake back up. The entity next to me was a completely black man sized figure. He began to speak to me immediately in a language mixed with english. I feel stupid telling you that I know what it was saying when it was speaking to me but now I think I blocked it out. I know after it spoke, (voice was like several hissy whispers simultaneously creating one sound) I said to it ' you're azazel ' then I was brought to the realization that he has been sucking my energy away from me since I was little. Azazel also told me he wanted all I had in me. I'm waking from a spiritual attack now and once again heard it. I don't known how much I have left for him to feed on.
>>4 quite the imagination you got there. Ever think about forming a cult? I'm sure that kind of shit would be right up your alley.
He is not a demon... If he comes to you its for a reason. Ask him and I bet he will show you. And make shore it is Azazel.
He has come to me twice over the past week, I have bad dreams every night, I don't talk about what happens, and never will. He won't tell
Me what he wants and I'm getting no sleep. He won't let me sleep, if anyone has answers to help please help. I'm sick of it
Answers? The only answer is, you're having bad dreams.
There are no such things as demons, or angels, or spirits, or magic. You're having bad dreams.
Has something bad or upsetting happened to you recently, that might cause you to have a lot of bad dreams?
I'm not a doctor, I'm not a shrink. If you have a regular physician you might want to speak to him and ask for a referral.
Name: Sean M. Kinnier
AKA: Sean Kinnier
Date of birth: 4th June 1984 [06/04/1986]
Ethnicity: Mixed race Hispanic/Caucasian
Address: 108 S William St Johnstown, New York 12095-2420
Offense Description: Sexual Intercourse
Promoting/Possessing Sexual Performance by a Child
Sexual Contact Deviate Sexual Intercourse
Relationship to victim: Stranger
Weapon used: No weapon used
Force used: Immediately and physically overpowered
Computer used: No
Today I'm very sad. I was going to sleep when my mother told me this. My friend, who taught me many things. She was a very intelligent and cultured woman, studied at Tokyo University, spoke many languages, travelled around the world, researched regional music and artistical expressions in Brazil. I'm very, very sad about this. It's like, you know, she was OK last week, and today I am informed that she was ina a car accident and was in a coma for two days before dying today. I really want to cry.
Sanae Shibata, You will be missed.
I know I'm a little late, but that's crazy man. A guy I met on this program in Costa Rica just died. It's so weird having someone your age die, and especially someone that was a friend. I feel like people my age (18) shouldn't be dying.
Komm, süßer Tod
Rest In Piss
(I fucked the first thread, someone please delete that.)
I've had no real memories of happiness, as far as I can recall. My first memory was of my mother dragging me in pyjamas, barefoot, across the city to show me the place where my father was having sex with his lover. I recall my mother telling e and my little sister to call dad to her new lover of the week after they divorced. I remember my mother teaching me to distrust everyone else but herself. I remember learning too well; I learned to distrust everybody, including my mother and my little sister.
I was bullied until I was 14. I would end crying mos of the time. My mother would ask me why I was crying, then she would hit me for not telling her why, and then again for not stop crying.
My father tried to choke us out of her by sending her a little money as possible. We had to move over twenty times because we were not able to pay the rent.
I eventually stopped crying for a while.
Still, my sister would try to find everything she could about me, so she could tell my mother, and gain a little recognition on her eyes. She was starving for affection, and if that included sacrificing her brother for it, so be it.
Eventually my mother married the first man stupid enough to fall for her. They had a child, ad he grew to become a psycho. He has tried to poison me twice.
I think I was almost happy when I had my first girlfriend. We were fourteen, and to her was the only one who would listen. To me, she was the only one who I could trust, and love. When I ound out she was bulimic, it became a hell for me, since I was afraid to lose her everyday.
In college, only five of us actually wanted to be teachers. the rest of the class got into it thinking it would be easy, that they would get and easy job, or any other stupid reason. I bit my tongue and tried to do my best, still.
I got a bad grade at my thesis due to the evaluators not bothering to even reading it (It was painfully obvious, they would ask puzzled and unconvinced about stuff that was carefully explained in the first ten pages). Still, since I got my teahing license, I thought I had somehow made it.
I got employed at a country school. Second grade had a rate of over 50% of students with mental retardations, as all their mother worked handling toxic pesticides, hence physical disablings were common too. Cleft palates, missing limbs, you name it.
Still, I felt empty. No matter how hard I worked, nothing coud be improved. Besides me and another teacher, nobody cared, as long as they got paid by the end of the month. I had tried my best during the second half of my life, I gave it all, and I still felt empty, and being unable to improve anything. I tried to commit suicide almost before the graduation time. I was 32.
Most of the interns at the metal hospital lasted one week, two weeks at most. I was hel dthere over two months. My first pshychologist gave up, since my logical reasoning behing my uicide attemp was pretty sound. The second one just waited for the medications to kick in.
It was not a bad thing, I sill felt lke dying, but I was able to endure it a little more. That was two years ago.
Today, medications seem to haveno effect. I'm taking venlafaxine, quetiapine, conazepam, and zipiclone. Every day gets lnger than the one before it. I've lost all my drive to teach, my drive to live, and I'm passively waiting to die of a cardiac insufficiency. Every day it gets harder to breath. My liver does not work as it should, neither . All the medicatons broke it.
i read everything
I did as well.
I wonder how many people have had a painful life like yours, because so many people have existed in the past already. I think that most of their personal worries and pain is no longer remembered by anyone. Even something like WWII is already mostly remembered through entertainment: movies, books and games, rather than through the memories of those who suffered and are still able to tell us about it. Eventually the universe will end and everything will be forgotten, like it never even happened.
I hope you are able to forget now and still have some happy moments.
friend youre not alone i'm living something similar but i'm only 26
It is hard to "forget memories" (unless you become depersonalized) only learn to live with them and forgive those who harmed you
It only gets worse. I'm fucked up.
You'll feel better if you share details, people here will read what you write
Actually, nothing improves. It would be futile.
Don't feel like that. Life is a gift. I'm depressed and then I think:
I have two legs. I can walk wherever I want to. I will walk.
Ted Rea of Shattuck, OK has a kid that was concieved by him druging and raping a girl.
So call the cops or something. Telling us about is a waste of time.
Hey. I have a problem lately of not wanting to do anything. I've been diagnosed as bipolar, not sure if it'll help with what I'm about to say.
Anyway, I don't know if it's related or not but, lately I've seen myself as being extremely lazy and not wanting to do anything. I can't do things I love doing for more than 10 minutes before I quit and do something else that involves staring into space.
What are some ways I can increase my will of wanting to do things? Cause it's kind of annoying that I can't do things I want to do or love to do without getting a bored or "meh" feeling after 5-15 minutes.
You sound just like me. Actually, I'm going to a therapist in a few days to be diagnosed to see if I'm bipolar.
How are things?
I wish you the best of luck! Actually things aren't too bad right now, I'm still in the same situation as described above but I can't complain. I've literally spent this whole time sitting in my room staring at my TV, hah.
Since I rarely come here there's a delay in me replying. Sorry. It'll probably be days until you see this -- seriously why do we come here?! It's like some graveyard of the internet.
Anyway, if you want a quicker form of communication, I made a BitMessage address: BM-NBJmBTVCZn65R5btJR7iZyJVqsEnqV43 -- The software is simple enough to use. I got round to making a doctor's appointment to be diagnosed.
What do you do when you feel depressed? Do you have any meds?
Shit I just realized the ID has changed :/
I'm in the same boat as you guys.
I think that the main root of the problem is an overwhelming feeling of apathy, and a general lack of any aspirations, goals, or wants.
Ever since I can remember all of my motivation has been extrinsic. During late middle school and high school, however, my slightly schizoid personally began to strengthen to the point where I simply didn't care and didn't about most anything social. I still enjoyed browsing imageboards and such, I think because that was impersonal rather that interpersonal social interaction.
Anyway, since I didn't care about other people anymore I lost virtually all of my motivation. Now I'm just content to sit and do nothing all day, and I really don't think I would be bothered if I was told that I would die tomorrow. I still have some thoughts of becoming proficient in a skill, or becoming an autodidact or something, but these are just idle romantic thoughts that I don't desire enough to actually get up off my ass and work for. I feel like I should change, but on the other hand I'm content, so I'm probably going to stay like this forever.