Hello there. Maybe you think this is weird but lately I've got this problem... I'm a 21 year old boy, I have some friends that I've known since I was like seven years old and they have always been my best friends. Lately stey have started hanging out with some guy, who is actually my friends classmate. That was fine with me, and he is often at my place too when my friends comes to visit me. But lately he started commenting on me and making fun of me saying that I'm too skinny and girly (he is quite a big guy and I've always been really slight but I'm happy with my own looks). I look much younger than I am. I don't usually care about such comments at all, but he's always provoking me like that so it's quite irritating. Lately we had another discussion and he asked why I was wearing slim-fit jeans and why I had bare feet. I always have bare feet at home and I told him to shut up. I also said that he was too fat and that he should lose some weight. Then he said "You asked for this" and dragged me to the couch where he made some of my other friends hold my hands behind my back while he started tickling my feet! I got really angry because it tickled a lot and he had no right to do that. I think my other friends saw it as a joke because I was laughing, but I was only laughing because it tickled. He just kept doing it for like 15 minutes or something and I couldn't get free because they're much stronger than I am. I was so angry afterwards because I found it really embarrasing. I told them that I absolutely don't want them to do that again but they just kept joking saying that I was whining and that it was just for fun. And that's not all. Everytime I'm at my friends place they do it again! Sometimes they just hold me while removing my socks. And then this stupid freak just keeps tickling my feet so that it's quite hard for me to breathe because I'm laughing for so long. I can't just stay away because we're in a study group where we must make some important exam projects. I don't know where they got that crazy idea from. I don't know why my best friends started treating me like that but I find it very embarrasing and they do it even though I've told them to STOP. Personally I think this stupid guy is tickling me because he is jealous because I've been dating a girl that he likes. That could be a reason. If I stop visiting my friends I'm afraid people will find out why. I think it is a really strange and embarrasing situation to be in.
Do you really think that it's just because he likes him that he's tickling the OP's feet? There are other reasons (such as not to present himself as overly aggressive) that the aggressor's just tickling the OP's feet. If I'm correct in reading OP's post, he's usually studying with his aggressor, his friend, and his girlfriend. What better way to show your superiority without being overly aggressive in a thinly disgused game of feet-tickling. Not only does the aggressor show that he can physically and mentally (in the form of making the op laugh through tickling) overpower the op, it sends a subconscious message to people around him, including his girlfriend, that the OP is a chump.
> They are a lot older than that; too old for that.
Any notion of maturity was dismissed the moment the OP referred to himself as a boy.
>>12
An addendum because I ran out of time and had to go to class:
Op's aggressor's sexual orientation is a moot point because I'm giving advice on how to force someone like OP's aggressor to stop bothering him. Gay or not, OP's aggressor sounds like a meathead, and the only way to truly deal with those kind of people is to simply be aggressive back at them. They may outwardly say that they'll stop if confronted enough times through non-aggressive ways, but the problem stems from a repsect issue. The most effective way to make OP's aggressor stop bothering him is to show that the OP is indeed physically capable of fighting back and is not afraid to use it. Even if it is ultimately futile in actually repelling his aggressor, the act of actually fighting back sends a clear message that the OP is not that much of a weakling as originally thought.
If you assume that there is no sexual tension here then I could agree with aggressive action, but that would be a very immature way to go about it. It's pretending that this aggressive person really is some sort of mindless animal. He has reasons he is doing these things and it is reasoning that can stop him. As soon as you remove this sort of person from their peer group (the other friend and girlfriend) they aren't going to have anyone to show off to.
If he turns out to be a real meat thump then it will become apparent very quickly while talking to him alone, but I highly suggest just approaching this like an adult to find a solution where you are not constant checking your back for 'the enemy' would be much better. AND if talking to him doesn't work just fucking leave your friends. What a bunch of dicks.
“If somebody asks you the question “Are you ticklish?” it doesn’t matter whether you say yes or no, they are going to touch you. If they say “Are you ticklish?” and you don’t wanna be touched, you have to say something like “I have diarrhea, now don’t touch me ‘cus you’re gunna make it come out. And yes…….. I am very ticklish.”
Demetri Martin
Tickling by adults strikes me as quite the pseudo-sexual activity.
It's pretty clear to me that if a grown man feels the need to touch another grown man's feet, it's a cause for concern. And while I won't question your own sexual preference, it's entirely possible to gather up some of your confidence and pride and confront him directly without provoking him too much. Pull him aside, look at him sqaurely in the eye and ask him straight out if he's gay, so that he knows you're not joking. Don't smirk, don't smile, don't stutter. If he admits to it, tell him that you don't swing that way and it's clear to you and all of his friends that he's attracted to you because he likes touching your feet, whereas you don't care for it at all. That will clarify things for him in the case he's confused. He's not much more than an aquaintence, and I sure as hell wouldn't even let my closest male FRIENDS tickle my feet. Kinda makes my skin crawl to think of it.
Tell him to fuck off. Don't laugh, say "NO!" and "STOP IT!" in a really pissed voice, and if they don't stop, fucking call the cops on them or something. It's their own fault for molesting you.
This guy sounds like a foot and tickle fetishist who goes both ways at least when it comes to tickling and he's doing this to you because he CAN and because your friends are unsympathetic traitors.
Most tickling fanatics online don't approve of this sort of thing as it's downright cruel and it also makes other tickling enthusiasts look like pervs.
Tell him that Fygar from the TMF said to leave you alone or else he'll find himself in a REAL ticklish situation!! >:-(
Sounds like either (A)he has a foot/tickling fetish and you make him randy, or (B)he is trying to show that he has dominion over you.
Regardless of situation, you can either kill the nerve endings in your feet with a neon sign transformer, or you can start working out so you can beat the shit out of him.
Also, your friends hate you.
Also, you hate your father and have sexual thoughts about your mother.
Also, cocks.
I thought it would be a good idea to make a sort of group journal here, of our plans, our days, our lives, whatever. Why?
Because I think a lot of people here could use it, including myself. There are many here with lots of insight, and obviously many who come here who have problems, so I thought we could post some things about our lives (that is, our successes, and our failures, thoughts, and so on) and receive insight and support from each other, and also because, as a very wise man once said "You never know what you're really thinking until you write it down". (hope this is as good an idea as it sounds in my head lol)
So, I'll start off here, hopefully I can give you a better idea of what I'm thinking of.
Today I looked in the mirror and saw that I had really improved my body, and my style, and I really liked the way I looked. I've been working out for the past several months (sans most of the holiday vacation, plus a little time off for a minor surgery) so I'm glad to see it's paid off.
I also realized I promised to give my mom a christmas present (that is, to re-do a part of her house) but I keep forgetting to do it! AGH! Although in my defense, I had a surgery just before the holidays, so I was doped up and laid up for a while up to and afterward.
I guess I can just join in here too...
I went to school today and I wrapped my hair because I didn't do it so it was a mess.
I seem to be realizing more and more everyday that things aren't what they seem...
Its a shame but I can honestly say (at least here anyways) that noboby knows everything about me. Not my family, friends, or the people that pretend to be my friend and actually don't give a shit
Its getting late and I haven't done any of my homework yet. I didn't turn in my
homework for English class today.
I'll tell myself that I'm going to do it, and I probably won't. Like usual. For some reason I just have a bad work ethic
Alright guess I'll join in too, seems interesting enough.
Well I don't know if it's just me that feels like this but, when I'm at school or at home..I just feel so..isolated.
I have several friends at school that I've known for 4 or 5 years now, but even around them I feel like a stranger.
It feels like I'm talking in some advanced language and they can't keep up.
I'm well aware that my friends and I are drifting apart. Graduation isn't too far away, and we're all becoming different people. But if I lose them I'll be so alone. It seems that only one person has ever truly gotten me and she's thousands of miles away.
My family doesn't really get me either. They try to, but besides the fact that I'm a writer/actress who thinks of so many different things, I'm also an anime fan. They try to support me but they find my wants in life very trivial and think it won't get me too far. My Grandma and brothers especially.
I have interests different from anyone I've met, I can find people that can slightly relate but not fully. (Along with anime I also love different era's like the Renaissance, and the 1950's and no one seems to fully grasp why.)
I have belly button lint. How does this happen? I don't get it. It's not just a little bit either, it's a huge lump. Every single day. For fucks sake...
Anyway, I've been writing more poetry lately. Well, I don't know if it's really poetry, per se, since I don't know anything about poetry, but I've been writing.
I cleaned the walls today... boy that was fun. Actually, it wasn't that bad. I hate people who are averse to manual labor... You don't have to love it, you just have to do it. Bitches.
My brother said he didn't want to talk to me on the phone because "I never want to talk to him anymore", which is true (I'm more of a face-to-face kinda person). I feel kind of weird seeing that kind of honesty though. Most people are too apathetic and non-confrontational (including myself most of the time) to bother saying anything of value or honesty in any situation, much less one involving a family member.
Holy shit. I have just realized the key to kicking depression:
Get outside of your comfort zone (try new things), and exercise.
It sounds corny and simple, but it's fucking true. I have been depressed as fuck, and through just working out consistently (in fun ways, i.e. not sitting in a gym staring at a wall while I run on a treadmill) and keeping myself sharp with lots of different activities I've been able to elevate my mood so much. I feel like a different person.
>>42
So true. It's kind of a no brainer, but the real hurdle is taking that first step, gathering the energy to do those things.
I've liked this guy for about 6 months now. At the beginning everything was going great. We really bonded over the same interests and hobbies. He told me some personal things, and vice versa. I think therein lies the problem- we opened up too much too soon. After that, everything went backwards. I find myself talking to him with great awkwardness, and I think he finds the same too. Honestly, I don't know what he's thinking. Sometimes I feel that he knows that I like him, and he avoids me. Other times he seems to show interest, but it could just be politeness. Meanwhile, I keep finding myself in situations where I'm making a fool of myself in front of him. Ugh.
Anyway, it sounds so silly now because I have a lot more serious issues in my life right now that I have to deal with first.
Not only that, perspective is fucking key dude. We think that the world is falling all around us when actually it's a little blip in the scheme of things. Life doesn't have to be our keeper. We can do with life whatever we please.
Hey guys so i have a problem iam afraid of failing this year i was you can say a brilliant student butnow in HS everything has changed i became lazy all my marks are bad and all the members of my family are sucessful now iam nothing for them i feel rejected i really dont know what to do , i tried to make my marks better but no result !!!! i started to think about escaping ^^ and iam only 16 ........!!! my life is miserble
Someone I know was recently raped by a group of girls (this was a man btw). I don't know how I could help him.
I'm wondering, how could he prosecute them (if he chooses to)?
What are his options?
Um... wow... if theyre cute then consider it awesome, if not then notify some police
he should file charges against them
>>5 I dont know, I think it depends on how malicious it was. Like if in the end hes okay with it then he should let it go or talk to the girls, but if it was really that horrifying for him, then definitly get the police. I suppose the intent and the outcomes need to be determined before a recommendation can be given.
And something I just thought of: OP, is your friend gay?
I know I shouldn't find this funny, but this is hilarious. How was he raped, strap on? This wont be taken as serious as male on female rape, I feel sorry for your friend.
>>8
Women are generally seen as weak and feminine. Men are traditionally supposed to be stronger than women. In your friends case the roles were reversed.
He should probably see a counselor as rape is often more about taking away the victims power than the sex itself and many psychological issues can come about from a trauma like that. As for pressing charges if he see's it as rape he probably should report it, but that said their may not be enough evidence, and as some of these comments illustrate many attitudes on this issue are less then helpful.
>>9
hay guise, gay people are actually transgender rite??
That's a rough one. If he really feels genuinely raped, I would say to call the cops but, then again you know how insensitive society still is when it's a man raped by women; there are just jackasses out there who aren't going to take it seriously and are only going to joke about it. I recommend legal action even if that becomes humiliating which is probably what the rapists where counting on. They probably figured that the humiliation alone would be enough to make him keep quiet but, keeping quiet raises the risk of them doing it again.
If the police don't or wont help, maybe a spiritual adviser (pastor, priest etc.) will help. If not, he can always turn to vengeance even though it's often a bad move but, he can't just allow himself to be repeatedly victimized like this. One way or another, it HAS to stop!
I didn't wish or bring it upon myself. For fuck's sake, I'm virgin.
Why is my family the very first ones to turn their back on me when I ask for their support? I've been with them whenever they needed me. I abandoned my passion and got into whatever they assigned me.
Stop telling me to talk to my family or loved ones. As soon as they found out, I've become an outcast, an embarrassment to them, a stain in the family's medical history. They now have to answer yes when doctors ask about family history only because of me. It's my fault. They want to get rid of me asap, and make it as if I've never existed in the first place.
Maybe I got the definition of family wrong. I hope so. Otherwise, why? I'm not dirty. I haven't done anything. It just happened. I didn't wish for it. Nobody would wish for it. So, why is it my fault?
I'm so pathetic that all I can do is post on some text board on the net. Now that I have it, I can't wait for stage 4. I can deal with it but not the people who blame it on me, the people who are supposedly my loved ones.
That month in summer school was the happiest time of my life. Thank you, RL.
Ummm... Stupid question, but what medical issue are we talking about?
OP, you understand that you're pretty much incomprehensible. It's not pathetic to post here, it's at least something. Still, I think you should look for some real counseling, as this is a major problem.
>>3 Presumably AIDS.
>>4
Sounds more like something you can't catch, like cancer.
lol I don't get why people think that an OP posting in his own thread a few times means he's automatically trying to use sock puppets. I mean, c'mon man.
He was just posting about something he was thinking here. Is he trying to pretend to be someone else? I don't think so.
Maybe he was just being passive aggressive here? I dunno, either way, jumping to conclusions all of a sudden here is a little silly.
What if OP isn't a troll? Maybe he's really looking for something of benefit here? Grow up man.
I need help. Unlike most people here I work part-time and constantly meet new people, like most people here I am socially retarded and shy to leave my safe zones.
Two months ago, to my surprise, I landed a job at a retail store. It was practically the only place inquired about work, after an ultimatum from my parents, and I was asked to return for an interview.
I got the job and was really quite happy with myself. The people there are nice and friendly, but I still find it difficult to grasp and make jokes.
Next week is the annual staff party, its a dinner and a few drinks after. My problem is I have no idea what to do, I'm going, but I have no idea how to conduct myself. I never drink and going out is something I've never done before.
Does anyone have any advice for me or experiences they can share?
Oh, and I don't know what to wear.
Wear something casual but classy. So not jeans + t-shirt, but not a suit either. A dark colored dress shirt (maybe with some striped color, leave one or two buttons at your neck open) + dark pants with belt, just keep it simple.
If you normally don't drink, just order one beer every 1.5 hour at most. People drink alcohol for a reason, because many people are slightly nervous at such a party. One beer (or wine, depending on how classy the restaurant is) at the start will help you feel at easy.
Don't make forced jokes. Just laugh at theirs, even if they aren't that funny. You can however think of a few things / questions to talk about to your (table) neighbors beforehand. Innocent stuff: talk about work, their taste of music, what they think of the food, what movies they've watched recently.
You are new, nobody will be expecting you to be the center of the party, but try to socialize with at least a bunch of people.
I think this is pretty solid advice.
Another thing to keep in mind is that people are probably not going to pay much attention to you anyway, so don't think everyone is thinking about you and expecting you to really WOW them all of a sudden. Consider yourself insignificant in your co-workers minds, and don't try to make any forced moves to seem extroverted. Introverted people trying to pretend to be extroverted socialites all of a sudden usually ends up quite badly (source: personal experience). Just take it slow, and ease into the process of casual chatting. Be sure to smile and laugh (when appropriate). People like a show of emotion, they will either think you are boring or they will be nervous around you if you are dead pan all the time (which is a common down fall of introverted types in active social gatherings). Do not mumble.
I was on meds for 2 years. Lexapro for Social Anxiety and Depression. Have you guys been on meds? What type, what for, and life story.
>>20
I'm not doubting you, just interested :)
How did you get along in India? I would really like to do something like that, impluse travelling. But I don't know if I would be able for it.
As of now, I am on Alprazolam, Pramipexole, Paliperidone, and Desvenlafaxine. The last two are Pristiq and Invega. I was just taken off a mix of Zoloft and Risperdal. I have no reason why they took me off of it, I was liking the reaction. It is supposed to treat my Schizoaffective disorder, but this medication is worse than what I had before. Why? Because this one does not work at all, and it just makes my lactate. Pretty gross, but it's completely honest.
I was on some awful so-called anxiety drugs and other crap.They had me on Nurontin ,depakote,trazadone,seraquel,ativan,diazapem,klonopin,chloral hydrate(for sleep),weelbutrin,and some other crap I can't remember but know it's CRAP.I was told by the VA and Solano county that cannabis was not a medicine.They WERE WRONG it is a medicine and I use it for anxiety,pain,and a sleep aid.California leads the way of course when it comea to reform.The liberal cannabis law has made replacing these REAL BAD DRUGS that the drug companies PUSH.They are the REAL DOPE pushers.
I think I need some. But you don't just go to the doctor and tell him you think you're depressed/mentally ill. That just sounds like a bad, dubious attempt at abusing health care (Ontario, Canada here). But a referral is required to see specialists, psychiatrists included.
My doctor's receptionist is good friends with my family. My family thinks this is all bullshit, so I don't want them to know and add it to their arsenal to attack me. The catch is, it's the receptionist's responsibility to make appointments with the specialists, so she would immediately find out and tell. I also don't have the choice of switching family doctors unless I'm lucky enough to find one who accepts new patients within an hour drive./yet another reminder of how lonely a battle life is
Isn't there some sort of confidentially that medical staff are supposed to be beholden to?
>>25
There is, but she would still blabber on. So what if she does breach it? It's very difficult to find another family doctor that accepts new patients, so I'm stuck.
Well, if she broke it the company involved would be liable for damages incurred. In other words sue the bitch. Family members don't really get it unless they really do care about you. If your family doesn't care, then get a job and get the hell out of that place and find people who do care. Life is a lonely battle for everyone, but it doesn't have to be painful. We can work towards making the quality of life better. Besides, people who go through something gain more knowledge and insight than people who don't. Suffer unto truth. You won't appreciate the pain that you are going though now, god knows I don't, but bro, you are still alive, and have food, clothing, and shelter. As long as you have a way to live, there is a way. The only crime is stopping.
>>22
you were on zoloft and risperdal? i was recently prescribed that, but the zoloft was changed to ah.. effexor sr i believe before ive taken it, since it was said to be more effective. ive never had medication before and havent started taking these yet but what was it like for you, the two of them? even some experience on the risperdal would be good, thank you.
Hi, I was recently diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder. Schizoaffective disorder is like Schizophrenia with Bipolar disorder, I guess. I have really high elevated almost euphoric moods and I have terrible dead depressed moods. Does anyone else have this problem? Does anyone suggest any medications? I am currently on Xanax, Invega, and Pristiq. Mirapex for my resless leg syndrome, too. Has anyone else taken a mood stabilizer? How did it work for you? I'm looking for that zombie-no-feeling effect. I liked it when I got it from Zoloft and Risperdal. (I don't take Zoloft and Risperdal anymore.)
Schizoaffective? Does this mean that you suffer delusions or hallucinations?
I'm facing a dilemma and it all boils down to whether or not I am "too old" to attend conventional state college. If this seems like a stupid question, forgive me; I have no family or friends who have continued school after high school. If you can answer some of my questions or point me in the direction of answers, it would greatly help.
I'm a factory worker in Illinois. I'm female and will turn 24 years old in September. I attended one semester of community college the fall after graduating high school, but discontinued work to get a job and have not gone to school on campus since. Last year I started taking online classes through the same community college campus and in May I will have completed four classes in this way.
I want to go back to college, and I want to go to a state university, and live on campus in a dorm. At 24+ years old, is this possible? It seems to me that I never hear of people over the age of 22 going to university let alone living in dorms/a sorority/ect. It seems logical there would be an age limit on who can live in campus housing, but I don't know if that's a fact.
I also have no idea as to where to start looking for financial aid or if I'm even eligible at this age, especially after taking such a break from school.
You are definitely not too old to attend college. My mom is nearly 60 and is attending college. Plenty of people in my classes were in their 40's-60's.
If there is an age limit at the dorm facility, you will have to look to whatever uni it is you want to go to and find out from them. I can't remember all the various departments of a normal uni, but I guess it would be the admissions office you should call? In any event, they should direct you to whoever it is that CAN tell you, if they can't.
As for financial aid, well it's been a while since I've done it so I won't try to go into specifics, but you can call up the financial aid office at the uni you're interested in and they'll tell you what you need to do. It's their job to help you out with that stuff. You don't have to be a student to receive their help.
Also, keep in mind that there are various government funded programs that will help you out with college money for free. I can't remember any specifics now, but it's worth searching around a bit on google or something. It's worth it, imo.
I have a friend who's in a program that not only pays for their college, but will help them get a job after they've graduated as well.
You're not too old. Technical colleges and state schools across the country are flooded with displaced workers.
If you're American, just go to Fafsa.gov and fill out their form. The timing is kinda tricky since I think you ahve to be accepted to school first, but yeah, go for it.
I'm 26 and I live in a dorm at a state college. Everyone around is in their early 20's but you get used to it.
Follow your dreams!
Were there any set backs? Was it difficult to get in? Did you have luck with getting financial aide?
I'm 25 and at home. Work part time in retail, so I made only 9-10K last year. I went onto the Fafsa website, took maybe ten minutes. The government offered me 2500 for the semester in the form of a grant that didn't have to be paid back. That was enough for 5 classess + books with a couple hundred still left over. They also gave me the option to get 2500 in student loans if I wanted, which I took and am using on a Y membership and a new computer.
It's really turning my life around. Seriously, just go to fafsa.gov.
Im 24, and still in Uni.
I got my prioroties straight. So the kids in my class that just party hardy, will fail, and help boost my GPA. :)
You're not old at all. Some of my military friends actually came from their tour and they're all like 25-27. I've even seen some old dudes and grandmas in our lecture halls. As long as you got the desire to learn, then you'll never be too old.
yeah 24 is NOWHERE near too old for college.
I have been a complete shut-in, or "hikikomori," for at least two year and a half years now, and the only interaction that I get is over the Internet and the only thing I do is search for timesinks (normally MMOs). Over the years (even before I cracked), I lost interested in pretty much everything and it has become worse overtime; with that, there's no place really out there that I can "reside."
All the Internet communities I lurked over the years that become intolerable and I can't stand the places anymore namely due to "immaturity" and "commoners" (tainting from "normal" people and overrunning places). I don't even feel as if I can go to another community, since I have no interests and the people there are just too out-of-touch.
I can't stand being in the places I'm in and I have no where else to go nor anything else to do.
Well, a life lived through the internet isn't much of a life. I think the things you need to work on are your social problems. I can say from having experienced a shut-in lifestyle for several years, that, when I came out of that life, I was considerably more happy.
It might take a while, but if you are going to invest in something, I think the most worthwhile thing to invest in would be making yourself more content and capable in social interaction.
I don't really have the will to invest in anything...
Then why are you posting? Just complaining? Or what?
Because, I have no where to belong on the Internet and what minute interaction I had is now gone.
How about you start your own 'community'? One that allows them to talk about whatever they want, without someone telling them how they should live their lives.
I know how you feel, OP. I'd like to have a group of people to hang out with (preferably in real life), but I've already accepted the fact that this is not going to happen. Many years as a hikki have left me without any real friends and it seems like I won't find any new friends either. I used to play MMORPGs too, but after playing those for years I realized that I was just chasing a different carrot over and over again. And the older I get the more empty online conversations seem to get. It's just people exaggerating stories they probably didn't even experience themselves, gossiping about others, retarded drama I don't give a shit about, excessive bragging and repeating memes that are not funny at all. And as soon as a girl joins 90% of the guys become infatuated white knights who attempt to impress this girl whenever possible, even though she is probably some fat troll who is not going to put out anyway.
Everyone is saying something, but hardly anyone is actually listening. Actual discussion of topics is not possible as almost everyone just sticks to their own opinion and has no interest in trying to understand anyone else. The internet might have given everyone a chance to let themselves be heard, but most people have nothing important to say. Whoever yells the hardest gets attention and becomes popular. But I digress...
I don't really have any interests that involve meeting and socializing with other people (like sports), I enjoy solitary things like reading and listening to music while lying on my bed. Most places where you can socialize you can't really go to alone (bars and such), unless you want to be 'that' guy. I could join some club and I know how to behave to be considered 'part of the group', but it all seems so fake to me that it's not worth the effort. I could drink too many beers to mask the fact that there is not much to talk about, laugh at jokes that aren't that funny, pretend to be interested... and maybe I'll meet someone who I like, but I just don't have the energy to put in all that effort. I just want to be myself, not put on some act just to get people to like me.
>>6
I've done that and I'm literally mocked and bullied there everyday.
>>7
I feel pretty much the same, but Internet communities are no different that real life. Also, it cringes me when people talking about being a "hikikomori" or such, they are usually greatly exaggerating their situation to make themselves seem more pathetic than they are (and thus more cool in their community).
>>8
Eh, it's just a word. Hikikomori/recluse/hermit, all rather interchangeable. I'd say it's hard to impress people on an anonymous forum though (not that that would stop some people from trying), people seem to be more truthful when their posts can't be traced back to them.
Also, I seem to get feelings of "unfulfillness" or that I'm not doing absolutely anything as I live in my bedroom. I always then think I don't and never had dreams or even wanted to really do anything and that I'm too apathetic to actually care.
Browsing through various hiki-related threads here, there seems to be a split between hikis who exclusively leech off parents, and those who do have jobs or school but still call themselves hiki.
I'm curious about this because my personal life is very hiki-like and yet I have a full-time job. For a few years I was totally hikikomori without any employment, but through a stroke of luck I finally did get a job which let me fully support myself. Even after two years though, I have no life outside of work. All my friends and social contacts slipped away during the years I was locked inside my apt as an unemployed recluse, and I haven't made any new friends even after I started working. I thought after starting work again my life would return to normal but it hasn't as I'm still drowning under this inexplicable apathy and no longer care about hobbies I used to have. If not apathy then I feel irrational fear and anxiety. When not working I browse the web or watch online videos and don't go outside unless I need to. I feel like "real" life is slipping further and further away with each wasted day, and yet I can't seem to stop it. And I fear that if I lose this job (it's a bad recession after all) I will slip back into full hiki-mode and never be able to crawl back out.
I remember reading that all hikikomoris are by definition also NEETs (but not vice versa), and yet my life seems to have many attributes of hikikomori (abnormal social isolation, afraid to leave apt, etc). Does anyone have a similar story?
Well considering you used to be locked inside, you can consider yourself a 'recovering-hikki' I guess, but more technically an avoidant social recluse.
well, like i wrote in the other thread, i work, but still living at parents place.. 90% of the money i get by work i spend for anime, games etc...
still i don't have any contact to other people.
it was worse for me when i dropped of university and had no job for a year..
OP here.
>>2
Hadn't thought of it that way at all. I guess you are right, I am "recovering." I'm sure it's correct to describe my behavior as "avoidant social recluse," and yet I don't want to be a recluse. It's just something I feel trapped in. I'd actually prefer to have my old life back. You know, back when I had friends and people to hang with.
like >>3 says, it was definitely worse when I had no job, which is an encouraging thing worth remembering. I suppose you could call that progress, except that the only major change was finally getting a job. After that there hasn't been any steady progress or recovery and it's frustrating to be stuck in the same old rut all the time. I guess I was hoping to hear from others who have managed to progress even further, so I can analyze how they did it.
>I'm sure it's correct to describe my behavior as "avoidant social recluse," and yet I don't want to be a recluse. It's just something I feel trapped in.
>>2 here, I am actually recovering too, and yeah, I know you don't want to be a recluse but it is kind of a big hump to get over.
One of the biggest things that happens when being a shut-in is the atrophy of a lot of social skills and actually knowing how to relate or even connect emotionally to others, since you have adapted to solitary living. It will take some time to re-develop those abilities as well as to compensate for whatever it was you lacked before you shut yourself in.
Maybe it seems like nothing is improving for you but it's probably not true. I mean, you are motivated to change enough that you are posting here right? Understanding the need for improvement and getting the motivation to change is a step in itself. Also, I think you are learning even when you don't realize it, through every social interaction you have you are rebuilding yourself.
Just have a small goal in mind that you want to accomplish each day and strive for it. Go to places you are afraid to, talk to people you wouldn't have, do things that you haven't done before and wanted to but don't push yourself to the point you are stressing out just do enough you feel exhilarated when you accomplish it. There were a lot of simple things I had neglected to do, like apply for a library card, so if there is anything like that, definitely do it.
I'm hiki, but I have a job which is not steady. Thus, most of the time I am broke or nearing it. Sometimes, when I'm really desperate and broke, and the job rears it's head, I am thankful. Maybe if some game was coming out soon that I really wanted, or something to that effect. Most of the time, though, I dread the phone ringing, because the job will either pull me from here, or I will choose to turn it down, and that's always a bit awkward.
I haven't been called to work since 2009, which shows how slow and far between the job can be. I kind of want it to turn up because then I can pay off my credit card, but I really do not want to go to it, no siree, Shirley, Swarley, but now I'm not really sure what the hell I'm talking about abbaboo abbaboo Mr. Mittens sold his Kittens~
The line between being a real hikki, or working / following education while not socializing or having friends is rather thin. I suppose I am a former hikki, considering there have been times where I've been holed up in my room for months at a time (only going out for food). I'm studying at an university now, and I haven't showed up in 2 and a half weeks. Yet, nobody has informed as to how I'm doing. It's rather ironic how quite a few of my fellow students have added me to their facebooks, yet they don't actually talk to me...
>>8
Hit reply too fast... anyway, what I meant to say was that I am not really socializing much more when I do go out. Being lonely by myself in my room, or being lonely while surrounded by people, both of them can be tough.
The first (being a real hikki) is easy on one hand, as you don't have to be constantly worrying about how you act, what others think of you. But you slowly rot away from the inside, the constant feeling of knowing that you can't keep it up forever.
The second (being lonely, but having a job or an education) can be hard because it feels like you are constantly being gnawed away at by insecurities, having to conform to society. But at least you are trying to survive, that does give yourself a certain sense of pride and hope.
I think I'm doing what many people are, which is switching between the two when it gets too hard...
Fellow former hiki here.
What if you don't want to 'recover'? I have absolutely no interest in the real world. The only reason why I leave my room is because circumstances force me to.
only if you work entirely online