My, the only thing I can do is to sympathize for I know this feeling too, but as for advices I don't have a clue. I don't think you can really get help from the others on stuff like this, it's quite personal and the best thing there is is experience.
Plus, they never will be really honestly willing to help, they'll just throw you stuff like "do what you want and don't listen to what you're told about yourself" in the face, which more or less means "go fuck yourself, I'm not interested".
Personally, I found in philosophy (well... at least thinking) a way to still keep in touch with ideals, without rejecting the world : what are these ideals, where do they come from, why wouldn't they work, what's the difference between the world and them... The thing is, you're not alone. If you can put what you feel in words, some people will recognize themselves in it.