Hello, I am a 17 year old loner. I do go out and do have a lot of good friends whom i dearly care about, but sometimes i just feel like staying home thinking or going out for a walk by myself, and when shopping, for example, sometimes i find it more relaxing by myself.

Then again, i do have a boyfriend that i love in a way i have never loved before, but he himself is somewhat a loner, and we fit that way, because we hang out when we both feel like it, and we do love each other and are faithful. And things like traveling or getting a job far away aren't really a problem, we both think that what matters is yourself, and your own personal accomplishments.

As a loner i became the obsessive/paranoid type, i am very anxious and stressed, yet i don't look like it. My body is relaxed, strong (done a lot of martial arts in my life). And i wonder why am I so attached to sports ? It's more than well known that it helps someone relax, and that the mind is focused on the sport itself, i get that feeling when doing a martial art, it's more than focus it's giving your mind and body to overcome your own limits.

When i was around 15 i stopped doing physical activity for various reasons and that was the worst time of my life. Not only was I a teenager with jumping hormones i have always been this way, so i obsessed more and more each day, passing my own boundaries (emo ? Hahahah looking back it does look emo doesn't it ? truth is i am emotional and sensitive, most people call it an "artist's soul", and that's what I'm studying btw, arts). Becoming something i was getting scared of.

So yeah, i seemed to have always had an easy life, with some problems like a wacko mother, but nothing that really got to me, i could always deal with it just fine, since i outwardly grasp the situation and seemed calm, while obsessing over it in my mind, it works.

So what is my problem ? I am afraid that this life I've been having is leaving my unprepared, i am afraid of my future, my life seems to be too easy and all the challenges I came upon weren't the right ones. Is my challenge to overcome this fear i have over my future ?

Looking back i can only remember good things that make me smile, although i know i had really bad times, and even when i think about the times when i was so paranoid that i would kick walls just to wear myself out and... stop thinking, I can't think about it but as a good thing, something that made me understand who I am, that made me who I am today.

I am happy with myself, i have a great boyfriend but ...

It's this whole past life that seems good, when facing the future i become scared. Is this only because I am in fact 17 (near 18), and it's only natural to feel this way ?

Anyway, I would like to hear some life choices you have made, and your opinion on this, even if that includes insulting me hahahah.