Not too verbally articulate here, bare with me please.

My major source of motivation to do anything is affirmation from those important to me but I haven't gotten any in a long time. Tried to keep going for a few years after that but snapped, thinking, "everything I do is worthless anyway, so why bother at all," and life was failing. Magically recovered twice but I'm back in the dark again. I don't trust a soul since birth so praise from outsiders all translate to bluff. Am reaching the point where the important people are losing their special status in me. In that case, I'll have no motivation left; need to shift source to something other than people (trust issues prevent names being added to VIP list).

tl;dr - What keeps you going and how? If you plan to answer, "do it for yourself," please elaborate thoroughly. Thank you for hearing me out.