What makes life as a real person (as opposed to recluse) any better, anyway? I've started trying to go back and fix things but it's just not rewarding and there are no long term benefits I seriously look forward to. If anything, going back made things worse - it made me realize I'm far behind pretty much everyone in this race-for-whatever-it-is and I obviously couldn't recover any previous position I might have had even if I developed the urge to do it from this newborn, growing inferiority complex, because I can't go back in time.

Waking up with no prospects of having forced tasks to be done was so awesome; I never grew tired of it. Sometimes I thought this lack of need for achievement might have been my problem, but it seems more like people just say it to make themselves feel better for wasting their life on RL grindan. This inferiority complex seems to be making my interest in achievement grow - but I don't want it to develop when I think about it rationally: there will never be the kind of reward which I could look for, which would be a lack of worries - this being indirectly antagonic to achievement makes happiness with this lifestyle impossible.