How do, Anonymous,

There are books about verbal self-defense, which might be useful.

It’s really important to find somebody who knows about relationship mechanics. This person may be affiliated with a religious institution, or be a social service worker. The point is that counselors have seen all this before, and know what needs to happen for you to get on with your life. You seem to be sane and able to express yourself, so they’ll be happy to work with you.

Anecdote: If there's some kind of person you both respect, you can try this: say you'll only talk with him about (the issues that set him off) in the presence of a third party you both respect, someone who will keep things civil between you. I've done this with my own Dad, saying "If you want to talk about (this issue), let's go see Reverend D___, and talk about it there." The problem here is that my Dad is generally OK, there’s only a couple of issues he loses control over. He doesn’t insult me. So this approach may not work with your Dad.

It sounds like he's a rage-o-holic of some kind. You always have the ultimate defensive choice of divorcing him--not letting him get close enough to hurt you. This may not be an option you want to think about now, but your first responsibility is to yourself if you're being abused (and yes, even though you're not a child, you can still be abused). A restraining order is something to consider if you really need to be apart.

Then there’s the option of kicking his ass. I don’t recommend this, but it might work. It’s more likely to involve the police, one of you pulling their gun out and the wrong people getting shot, etc. (Anonymous is from Texas where this is unfortunately commonplace and not something to brag about).