Everywhere I go, people have shunned me. Either I'm the third wheel in the group, only turned to when nobody else is around, or whenever I say something to the group or to someone randomly, they act totally surprised that I'm there. Even when I was much younger, my "friends" would go off and chat with other people, only giving me the barest of necessary courtesies at greetings and at partings. Or they'd expect me to do something crazy or a silly act, like I was just something amusing for them to watch. If I didn't, then they'd say nothing. Sometimes they all leave me, like I was nothing more than an ornament for them. I confront them on their bullshit and they dodge the issue or are offended that I'm offended or offer asshole rationalizations.

When I'm assigned to work in groups with other people, they immediately band together, only asking me for advice at the last minute or for my confirmations, then have their little conversations together, always excluding me.

Now that I'm older, people usually ignore me whenever I see them randomly if I try and greet them or they address me without even looking at me. So I ignore them in turn and then they address me, like I'm some pitiable creature all alone. Or they talk to me in exaggeration, like they're pretending to be interested in me.

Sometimes when I'm walking in places, I've seen people walking towards me actually move a few paces away from where they'd meet my side. I meet someone in class who was surprisingly really friendly to me then when I see them in public they look at me like I'm a stranger or they don't notice me.

I've always been the introvert, but whenever I approach people out of genuine interest to break out of my shell, I know they're still shunning me because they're disinterested or put up a facade reveal their real feelings when they rarely associate with me. I don't act strange or anything, all I try to do is maintain a genuine conversation. Strangers commonly stare at me at times or whenever I walk past them, they immediately look at me, no matter how brief, usually making fake bullshit smiles along the way, like I'm some freak in a cage needing to be placated.

That's all. Really sometimes people say I don't smile enough or whatever but even in new locations with new people they act like this. I want to be loved, not with fake pity or an obligation type love because everyone in the social group has to get some attention but real love. There are times when I explode in rage at people over this and they actually weep, and I can never understand why they do this when our joke of a friendship is thin as is.