I've known it for a while, but just how messed up I am hasn't come to light until recently. I grew up with some parents who had some odd ideas about how to raise me. They're not the worst, but they didn't do a great job beyond I graduated high school and haven't majorly screwed up my life as of yet. I went to private school until I was 15, so I never really had any close friends when I was growing up that I saw outside of school. These things factor in a bit to how I act now.

My current problems are:

• Up until recently (literally less than a month) I couldn't get an interest in anyone of the opposite sex romantically. When I girls the first thing I do is I look for as many flaws in them as I can find and use it as an excuse to never get to know them better.
• The above has changed for the first time when (long story short) met a girl from the internet. I like her a lot, but I can't seem to ever put that in to words that don't sound stupid or make a move on her, due to a horribly large fear of rejection (this extends beyond my romantic life, I've actually not gone to job interviews just because I was too worried that I wouldn't get the job)
• I'm a huge self defeatist. Probably one of the biggest anyone has ever had the (dis)pleasure of speaking to.
• I only hit emotional highs and lows. I never have a happy medium. MWF (the days I work) I'm typically pretty happy to be at work doing something I enjoy. T/Th I sit at home (often by myself, as I only have a handful of friends off the internet) and pick out flaws in myself. Note that today is Thursday.
• I find it really hard to build meaningful relationships with people due to being hurt by most of the people I trusted in the past. I confided in someone a few months back that I have a huge inferiority complex, mostly towards my best friend, and how I'm really jealous that everyone likes him a lot more than they like me. When we saw him later that night, she started having a talk with him about some issues in her life that she chose not to share with me, and promptly ignored me for roughly 2 1/2 hours. She then got a ride home from me and pretended that nothing had happened.
• I've only had one real girlfriend ever, and that was one of those (usually) horrible relationship from a friendship cases. We dated for 3 years, and she lived with me during part of that. When we broke up she started dating someone I thought was my friend in under 48 hours. I don't think I've ever really gotten over it.

These are just a couple of the bigger ones. I can't really talk to people about these in person, because I always get the feeling that they pity me afterward. Any advice or criticism would be great, or even just knowing that there are people out there who can relate to me some.