Everyday is the same thing. I wake up, turn on the computer, browse through the internet, check my-email when there's nothing interesting at all to check but I check anyways. No interesting messages to read but just a bunch of newsletters I signed for so that I can keep up some of the things of what's going on. The things I'm only interested on what's going on.
After that, I would leave the computer on and do something else. Which is playing video games. I've been playing this certain game called Fallout 3. It's about a lone wanderer who ventures into the wasteland and fights all these mutated things and a group of soldiers who blindly follow the words of a fake president...which is a highly intelligent A.I.
Anywho, I would just play video games all day and never thought of other things I want to do in my life. I felt like I should do something for myself but sometimes I can't or sometimes I don't feel like I want to and just want to play all day. Drown myself in video games.
Most of the time, I don't want this and I want a change for myself. I'm 21, single, an don't care about anything and anyone at all. I don't give a damn what's going inside and outside of the house I'm staying at. My mom and my sister are in a country they're living at while I'm here in the U.S. staying at my aunt's house. I admit, I have no job because for some reason I don't like going to work and just for the sake of some people, I give them money. Work and give people money is stupid to me. I wouldn't even have the chance to buy something for myself if that shit happens. My cousins are wreckless. They don't do anything around this house except the things they do I usually do around the house. However, I do clean the place around sometimes and I just hate to see something in a mess especially when my cousins leaves a mess and they don't fucking clean it up. When that happens, I was afraid that my aunt would blame me because I don't do shit around the house most of the time.
My friend who I knew since Elementary offered me staying at his place. He said he was alright with it, his wife also agreed. See, the thing is going back to my hometown is like going down in memory lane and remembering all the stupid things I've done and all the good times that I had. I just don't want to remember them again. However, the fact that the offer still stands and I told him that I should hold up the offer. I even apologize for using him as my last resort in case anything bad happens at where I'm currently staying at.
For a couple of weeks, I've been thinking a lot of things lately. I wanted to do something for myself but I'm afraid to go out and interact with other people. I hate people. I guess you can say I'm a bit of a misanthropic person. I don't know whether I should start community college here where I'm at and study the courses that I've been thinking I want to do lately or move out, stay at my friend's house, and study over there still wanting to study the same thing I've been thinking I want to do. However, I don't even know what to say to my aunt if I really wanted to move out and go back to my hometown.
Sometimes thinking all about this is what I hate the most and sometimes I want to end my life so that way everything can be solved. I don't have to worry about all the shit I've been worrying about. I don't know what to do for myself. I want to do something but for some reason I just can't. I have no goals or ambitions and I just don't know why.
You can say that I should move my ass and do it but I guess saying that's it hard to do it is just a stupid excuse.
Here's what I've been thinking: I should go to college and study some of the course that I've been thinking lately so that I can travel out to a country I most likely want to live in. For what reasons is that I want to start a fresh new life if I were to start living in another country. I would give up the things I have and whatever else I had before. Probably give up the things I believe in. It's not I'm saying that I would change my whole self but to change for the better. Become better than I'm already am?
I don't know, maybe this is stupid to plan for myself. How am I supposed to get into college when it's been a couple of years passed. I should have got into college after I graduated from 2006 but for some reason in my feeling I didn't want to.
[x] a man
[ ] a woman
[ ] under 16
[ ] 16-18
[x] 19-21
[ ] 22-25
[ ] 26-30
[ ] 31-40
[ ] 41 or more
[ ] studie
[ ] work
[ ] athletic
[x] fat
[ ] skinny
[x] heterosexual
[x] a man
[ ] bisexual
[ ] pedophile
[x] virgin
[x] never dated someone
[x] never kissed
[x] drink
[x] eat junk food (fast food)
[x] stay 10+ hours per day in front of computer (I spend more time on my computer than you do outside)
lol, wrong thread to post. my bad >.<
First of all, I do feel sorry for your aunt.
Second, I think you lack maturity and motivation to do things on your own, so you should probably follow a very structured activity, that provides you guidance and builds gradually your self-sufficiency. Probably the best option is a kind of apprenticeship where you would benefit from the guidance of a mentor, which can support you in a more personal way. Here is an example of such a program: http://www.ccbcmd.edu/ceed/apprenticeship_faq.html
As you can see, you can also earn a degree in this way. I think that by joining this form of education you'll slowly re-enter the active world, and regain the self-esteem you are sorely lacking.
Sounds interesting but that's the thing, how do I start this kind of thing? Will it really help me? I know there's so many things a chance for me to do but it's like I can't pull it off somehow.
Btw, why do you feel sorry for my aunt? Is it because she's baring all the weight on her shoulders because of me being the "bum" that she probably thinks of me?
I feel sorry for your aunt because she is supporting a lot of people who do not seem to always be easy on her. I don't know if your aunt likes you or not, but she has been supporting you for a long time, which is remarkable. Often depressed people like you bite the hand that feeds them, because it's the last hand that still approaches them. You don't have have to like your aunt, but you should respect her, not just fear her. I don't think you'll ever be able to repay the help she has provided you, at least learn to appreciate it.
As for what to do now, either you find an equivalent institution in your town, or you contact the people from the link I gave you to ask them which equivalent structures exist in your region. After that you check your local equivalent organization website, contact them, and go pay them a visit. Finally you pick up among their offerings what interests you more, or ask them if some other institution can provide what you are looking for, and contact them.
Of course you can pull it off. You can post on this forum, so you can also write an e-mail. Start with that, or grab a phone. Things will get rolling from then on. You don't need to think about everything now, just do one simple thing after the other.
I think my aunt is still struggling. I mean, with three kids who are boys and recently divorced. I know I don't fully understand the whole situation but the kids seems to get it hard on themselves the fact that their mom and dad are no longer together. Plus, being a single parent ain't easy.
So, trying and trying really matters? I won't know unless I really try? I guess so...
This totally explains your other thread in Romance.
You've isolated yourself from society, and the only real social interactions you have are through the internet. Hence you place a lot of value in internet relationships and end up getting hurt. You need to get out more and experience socialising with people, and hopefully restructure your values and priorities in the process.
Ah, so you read my thread in the romance section. That just happened to be there in that relationship didn't any further as I thought it would be. You are right I've isolated myself from the society. It is because I'm not interested in anyone's lives and what they do for living. It's just not interesting to me. When I try to talk with them they think I'm weird or something.
I don't know what happened and I don't even remember the last time I had a nice socializing chat. I just hate people and they're not interesting. They only interesting things is what they say what they're meant to say and what they're doing.
I don't have a lot of friends in the real world and in the internet. I just have a few right now and only one I'm talking with most of the time. He thinks I'm not a loser or whatever but I think he's lying to me. Like giving me a white lie or something.
I've isolated myself from society because everything is just...not interesting to me at all. The things my aunt do, my cousins do, my uncle, my mom, and my sister. What they all do in their lives is not interesting. It goes to say the same thing to the other people I know of and other people I met. It's what I believe about society.
Is being isolated from society, shutting yourself from the world that bad?
>I think my aunt is still struggling. I mean, with three kids who are boys and recently divorced.
Well, I suspected that, since you didn't mentioned your uncle. Anyway then it's even more the case that she's under a lot of stress, and deserves quite a bit of respect.
>So, trying and trying really matters? I won't know unless I really try? I guess so...
What does this cryptic comment means? Will you contact those people or not? I am giving you precise tips. Please cut the crap, and give me precise answers, not just some vague remarks. You are the one we are trying to help here, so it's in your interest to go to the point.
>Is being isolated from society, shutting yourself from the world that bad?
Not necessarily, but it's bad if the person in that situation is obviously trying and failing to get into a relationship, and also talks about suicide.
You don't seem to be a happy person, so I gather you're not taking well your isolation.
Do I still have time to think about it?
Perhaps I shall try out the link you offered me. I really do appreciate you guys helping me out. I just don't know if this is going to work out or no but I'm going to try.
>Do I still have time to think about it?
Sure, although gathering information does not require you to actually decide anything. Save your thinking for decision times, in the meantime get active and contact them.
>I'm going to try
Go for it! and keep us posted on how things go for you
>Is being isolated from society, shutting yourself from the world that bad?
I think it is. I understand that sometimes/a lot of the times, you feel that there's no-one who understands you, and you need a break from the world. But whilst some people prefer to be alone and secluded in their thoughts, I honestly don't think it's very healthy for a young person. You might think that people find you weird, and hence you are deterred from socialising, but locking yourself away is only gonna make you lose touch with people and unable to relate with them even more so.
I suspect that "finding society uninteresting" is just an excuse for not leaving your computer. I think you'll find that once you start interacting properly, and make progress (ie. find a job), it'll be hard, but at the same time you find that sense of achievement that will motivate you even further.
> Do I still have time to think about it?
I'm the same age as you, and even though I have a vague sort of idea of where I'm going in life, I'm always finding that I'm short of time and I haven't achieved enough in these past 20 years. The fact is; time is precious. I hope you realise it before it's too late. I reckon if you don't commit yourself to changing now, you'll be at this same situation in 3 months, 1 year or 5 years time. If you don't do something now, you'll just put it off again and again. What exactly have you got to think about anyway? Whether you're going to start making goals in life or whether you're gonna be a bum forever? I apologise if I'm being too harsh, but I'm saying this with your best interest at heart.
It's ok, hit me with all you've got. I want to hear anything that's truthfully about me and what's going on and all.
My friend who I've known since high school offered me to go job hunting with him and his friend. Probably next week. I don't know if it's a good idea or not but I feel like I should go and just try at least. Somehow when I hang out with him and his friend, I feel like I don't belong to their generation. Like I'm not supposed to hang out with these guys because I'm in a different category than they are. They both go to college and I don't but they need some money for the college they've been attending to. I guess we're all kinda on a same boat who needs jobs. I just feel a little insecure with them because they seemed to be more sophisticated than I am in terms of being outside.
Time is precious and there's nothing you can do stop it. All you need to do is do something about it for yourself.
> Time is precious and there's nothing you can do stop it. All you need to do is do something about it for yourself.
Yes. So DO something. Don't stay here asking us questions you already know the answers to. Actions speak louder than words.
Job hunting is a VERY GOOD IDEA. You're getting it easy in that your friends are willing to help you. They obviously care about you, and know what's going to happen to you if you don't do something with your life now. Run with it already.
Here are your current options:
I think >>5 said it very well in that I also think you are more suited to getting an apprenticeship at the moment. College is great and all, but in your situation, I think you'll find more negatives than positives in the experience. At the moment you have to build up some motivation, and to do that you need some momentum, which I think would be most easily achieved in an apprenticeship.
Please stop with the pessimism and paranoia. If you keep thinking negatively all the time, and continue doubting yourself, you and me will be asking and answering questions for a very, very long time.
Don't look down on yourself just because you're not going to college as well. Everyone has their own pathway in life. It's about time you start yours.
If your next post is not about you talking about how the job/apprenticeship hunting went, then I have nothing further to say in this thread.
I just got back from my aunt's co-worker's house. My aunt told me this morning that her co-worker needed someone to fix her computer and let me tell you, the computer is 7 years old, so damn slow, and trying to fix it can be a kind of frustrating.
She paid me a little bit but I felt like I didn't deserve it because I didn't fix it yet but I guess doing an effort on fixing her computer I guess it was okay for her to pay me.
Anywho, the co-worker and I had a chat and what she had said finally hit me and it reminded me of what I've been talking about over here in this thread I created.
She was talking about her son and how he was trying all of sorts of things that he wanted to do and a few of them didn't work out for him but he tried some other things. It's as if he's trying things and that he's trying hard when he is trying.
It hit me that, if he can do it why can't I? Why can I just simply try it out. After all, it's not so bad to try it out?
She asked me this one question I can't remember anymore but I told her that I'm trying to get a job and probably go to college to learn Japanese and probably learn to play the piano. No one knows much about this and I don't know if they notice but I have this secret passion of playing the piano. Whenever I hear a music that has piano playing in it, I feel different. When I do feel different, it's like I'm at a calm state or something. Like everything is going to be alright or whatever.
I don't know but maybe I want to learn to play the piano and I really do because every time I touch a piano and start playing, it's like I don't want to stop at all or something.
SO, I don't know how to start it off or whatever but I am still considering that apprenticeship or do a job hunting with my friends next week and try to get into college.
Hello, I am back. I thought I should come back and post about what's really going on with me.
Weeks ago, my aunt went a trip to the Philippines and she took her youngest child with her while her other two stay with their dad. Unfortunately, my aunt and my uncle are recently divorced but that's not the issue, I'm getting there. For the weeks that have spent wasting my life on things that I find boring. Like, playing video games, using the computer, watching anime and movies, listening to music real loud. Now, I know I should have done something for myself for the past weeks and I was really thinking about it. I'm alone at my aunt's house most of the time. The time when my aunt was on her vacation. My uncle would work, my two cousins would do their own thing, and here I am thinking that I'm doing absolutely nothing. Here's the thing, I've talked with a friend of mine, who I knew him since elementary school, and he told me that it's alright that I can stay at his place. Details revealed that it was his wife who suggested about it. It was kinda surprising that his wife would suggested at first. How did I know about this? He talk about it with me. Now, he lives at my hometown and I never would have thought that I would go back and live at my hometown again.
Anywho, weeks before the plan was put out, I ask him if the offer can put on hold and that I want to seriously think about it. I did think about it, too much if you ask me. One day, we talk again about it and I take their offer about me staying at their place. He said he's going to help me out, guide me while I do most of the things on my own. Now, we talk a lot about this. Here's the thing, I have trouble when it comes to trust and the fact I have not done this before. I'm not much of a social person and I'm not good with people but this is something I thought it's better for me because I seriously need to do something for myself. I just need a little bit of help to get to where I want to be. At least that's what I think.
So my friend, who I've known for a very long time, he's married. I don't know much about his wife but she seems nice. She has three kids and their not from my friend. The three kids is from a dad that my friend's wife used to be with long time ago. At least, that's what I heard so far. Here's to the point. I'll be living with them next week while I get my shit together and all. It's just that I think living with them is going to be hard for me. I am a nice and respectful towards other people. I have learned a lot of things when it comes to living with other people. I've experienced it a lot but this time, this is way different. I'm living with people whom I am not related with. I'm not sure but I think my friend is hooking me up with a job that he currently has. I''m thinking that I'm worrying too much but shouldn't I not worry too much. I'm taking my chance here because I want to have my life get going. You know, accelerate.
I think it's not a bad idea. Being with people who are not family will probably force you to quit the spoiled brat attitude. At the same time, you'll be with people who are ready to help you out, so you can feel safe.
I think it's a good way to grow up, probably safer than you just going living by yourself (you clearly don't seem to have the autonomy to do so).
So yeah, I think it's a good initiative. Be happy that you have such good friends, and do your best also for them, not just for yourself.
Of course, not for myself. I think I need to take a consideration from others because they're helping me out and all. I have to be appreciative about it. I just don't know who I really am unless I figure it out by doing something about my life. Who says I have a spoiled brat attitude? =\
Hey Ryuuchi, I'm >>46 from your other thread..
First of all, congratulations on what you've achieved so far. Just by opening up to your family and making plans, you have finally turned a new leaf in your life.
With regards to the arrangement with your best friend, I say take it, and run with it. Not many people will have an opportunity like this, I can tell you. After all, what do you have to lose? You might be afraid of trusting him, but a man has to take risks at times. If you don't risk anything, you won't have anything to gain.
Planning is important. Though sometimes, you have to remember to just go with the flow. You mentioned that your friend seems to be able to "wing it" through life. I myself, know people like that. Are they just naturally lucky? I don't know. But I think a bit part of it is their optimism. Optimistic people are happier, always look on the bright side of things, and thus seem to be lucky. If something bad happens to them, they learn from it, get over it quickly, and hence seem to not go through any troubles in their life. Anyway, I digress. It's good to have plans Ryuuchi, just don't overplan, or over analyse, otherwise chances will slip through your hands before you know it. If you get to an obstacle, look at it as an experience, and don't be swallowed up by it.
I also think you should consider yourself very lucky to have a friend that will do that much for you. Living with them might teach you a little more about responsibility and purpose. Remember to never treat your stay at their place for granted. Just do your part, like washing the dishes or cleaning from time to time, because you will be a part of their household.
Finally I'm glad to see you starting to mature.
I had my wallet stolen today, so I was feeling a bit down, but I'm smiling after reading this.
I thought to myself that doing this kind of plan will do me good than I am right now. He said it's ok, his told his wife is ok about it. Since as far as I know, my friend told me that his wife suggested. When he said to me that he help me out, he sounds like he is willing to do so. I have some doubts about him but regardless, he's a good guy as far as I know. This friend of mine, let's just call him A. The friend who I mentioned who likes to "wing it" most of the time, let's call him E. E, seems to not be doing well and I don't know how to support him or whatever because I am afraid of what I would say to him. I thought that if I do, he might take it the wrong way. So far, I haven't talked to him that much but I did see him change over the time. He has some new tattoos and he says in his myspace that he's been going to strip clubs. I'm kinda of in a disappointment seeing the state that he's in but I guess if he wants to go that kind of path, I won't stop him. Now, A and perhaps I have been talking about him and we seem to look down on him behind his back. Yes, we talk about him but not all the time. It's just that we show concern to our friend, E.
Anywho, I am a little bit afraid about this plan I'm going to execute next week and I'm really not sure how it's going to go but I am going to do it well on my own terms while there are people I know who seem to care enough to help me out. Of course, I do appreciate them helping me out, I really do. >>22, I don't know how to say much and I'm not the guy with words, you know? However, I am grateful and thank you. I just feel I should say that to you.
Btw, I am sorry to hear about your wallet being stolen. I wish I can help you out and searching for that idiot who stole it, haha. Hey, cheer up. =)
This might sound a little selfish, but I don't think it's the right time to be helping your friend, E. I think it's a very important time for yourself, and you need to concentrate your efforts on your own goals. You need to support yourself first, before you can reach out to help others. Besides, unless you know for sure that he's unhappy with his lifestyle, you can't really help him.
I want to ask why you have doubts about your friend. I'm just curious. But to me, he sounds like a good man.
Naturally, you're feeling a little nervous about all of this. After all, it is a big step. But like I said, be optimistic, and things will generally go your way.
And thanks for your concern haha. Although it's annoying having to get new licences and bankcards, at least it's not anything that can't be replaced. My friend insisted that she buy me a new wallet. It's good to have friends :)
Good luck, Ryuuchi.
No, it's okay. I understand. I don't think either since I gotta do something about myself and all first. I would like to say that I have bigger things to worry about, you know?
About having doubts about my friend, A. Maybe I'm just paranoid but I am so cautious about myself towards others, I don't even know why myself but yea, he is a good man as far as I know.
I guess it's good to have friends and thanks. =)