>>I think I believe in love for other people, but I don't know about it for myself.
Signed.
I want to believe that love is possible, and I desperately wish I could experience it for myself. If it's even half as good as it's portrayed in ren-ai games/manga/anime, then I have no doubt that it would be the experience of a lifetime.
That said, I can never bring myself to leave to house or open up to people, no matter how hard I try. Every time I've ever tried to talk to a woman, a thousand voices open up in my head and start screaming at me: "you worthless piece of trash, what makes you so fucking arrogant that you think you could possibly make a woman happy? You're a failed piece of shit that has never accomplished anything of merit and never will. You're a fat, disfigured wretch. Shut your mouth and sit the fuck down. A piece of shit like you has no business even looking at women. It's sickening to think you even believe you could have a chance. Just how fucking deluded are you?"
No amount of "manning up" will quiet the voices. I've tried improving my appearance, improving my attitude -- nothing ever lasts. The voices always win and then I'm back cowering in my room, with heavy curtains drawn over the windows and the lights off, so I don't have to look at anything, not even myself.
It's 10:00 am on a sunny day, and I'm sitting in a pitch-black room in front of a computer monitor, wishing I could meet a girl like Ayu Tsukimiya. After a couple hours here on 4-ch and 4chan's /r9k/, I'll probably try to drink myself into unconsciousness.
Does love exist? Maybe.
Is it possible for me to experience love? Probably not.