>I tend to feel really awkward about my interations with people in general.

Practice makes perfect. For people who are not naturally sociable, it's a skill that must be learned. The good news is that you can learn it, and become quite good with experience. Complaining that you don't feel at ease in social settings is like complaining that you can't ride a bike. Train to ride, and you'll become good.

>I keep thinking about it'd be better to just commit suicide because it'd be better than having people deal with the idiot I think I am at times.

Don't worry about being a bother to people, they have much more personal and serious concerns to deal. Committing suicide is not the best way to become sociable. A more successful strategy is to meet people who share your interests. What are your interests?