For the last two years or so, I've been living with my mother ever since I tried being on my own. When I was alone, my mental illness flared up and really affected me (stop going to class, very rarely stepped outside, didn't bathe/groom for months, detailed plan of suicide, strong feeling of wanting to got tho another realm), but no one really knows about that. I have gone to multiple therapists and programs, but nothing worked (because I don't want to change) and not much different since (rarely go out unless I'm forced, need to be told to bathe/groom, don't take meds... etc.). I'm going to a new therapist soon, but I'm quite suspicious of what's going to happen; I plan to do nothing in session, but I feel something more is going to happen to me (such as a "verbal process report," what ever that is).

In overall, how can I stay like this? I know I won't be able, nor want, to go out and keep a job/place and am applying for disability soon. I've sort of grown pretty used to my paranoia and voices and such, so I don't like taking my pills. I just want everything to remain stagnant with being here and with my therapist.