you aren't alone death is probably one of the main things that drive people to live and we are all fixated upon it for one reason or another or in one way or another why do you think religion is so popular. Your feelings are similar to mine and that means that you are probably just bored I too sometimes look and a knife and wonder or stand at the edge of a cliff after a long hike in the forest and imagine myself falling but I've also thought about it way too much and I deffinitly advise you to find something to occupy your thoughts unless you want to become depressed for a long time. Sure it might just be like going to sleep but there is evidence that your brain remains active for something like a month after you die and then there are the out of body experiences hospital people have. I mean who's to say that these dreams don't just last I mean you can sleep and have dreams that last weeks so maybe these dreams just last and your trapped in side your own head forever. Heaven and hell then are reflections of your guilt on your dreams because when we live don't we have nightmares when we are worried and stressed about things and have good dreams when our life is good. It's just an idea and just hopeful thinking on my part.